This Time...

February 1st, 2012

2012-02-01T16:13:00.000+02:00

So we're 1 of 12 down! Already...

In January 2012, in the healthines front, I;

Lost 2.3 kg.
Returned to aerobics when they restarted after the festive season and only missed classes when I absolutely couldn't go, and that's only once before this week.
Tried to eat better, but ended up feeling hungry at the end of the day and wanting to snack late at night many days. <-------working on this.
Started C25K, though I know I will have to repeat week 1 next week.

Goals for February 2012:

Another loss overall, more than Jan.
Continue with aerobics.
Work more on eating; balance out lunch and supper to avoid late night snacking.
Complete 3 weeks of C25K (or however many I can do, in case I have to repeat).

I also have fun goals that I may blog about some time during the month.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-04T16:58:00.000+02:00

Good day world!

I'm afraid to blink, in case I do and I find 2012 is gone and it's the beginning of 2013. It happened with 2011, I swear!

But seriously, 2011 was some rollercoaster, full of ups and downs and super fast. I can recall what happened month by month, so we had the full 12 months, the 52 weeks and their 365 and a quarter days or so, but it feels like so much less time passed all in all.

Ok, so it's a new year and I'm ready to turn a new leaf. 2011 was nothing like I had envisioned at the end of 2010. For the first time in a couple years I finished the year weighing more on the last day of the year than I did on the January 1st. 2011 really rocked my world, it totally ran away from me, so here I am telling the world that my whole weight loss/healthiness journey in 2011 was a big fat failure.

2012 is going to be different. I know.

You think you know...

2011-11-28T17:01:00.000+02:00

I know you think you know that my absence from the blog means that I'm drowning under a heap of food and lying on the couch watching tv every night...but you're sooo wrong. Sorry, to say.

Get this --- I will never, ever, ever give up on my healthiness. It's been a long time, and it may be an even longer time before I make any progress to shout about, but I'm not giving up any day soon.

I just haven't been motivated to blog much lately --- or this year in general. Right now I just couldn't be bothered to keep updating with the going ons in my life with regards to my healthy lifestyle or my variation of it. Everyday I make decisions as to the direction of my journey, some good and others not so much. But all in all I have my dreams of a healthy body and mind on the forefront everyday, even if it appears I make more 'bad for me' choices than good ones. But as they say 'one day is one day!'

I'm looking forward to the christmas season. Or rather I'm impatient at how long people are taking to get the xmas spirit going...why can't everyone see we need the xmas cheer in the air right about now and not a week into December?! I already have my tree andther decorations up in my house, but not many people are in that mood yet. Bummer. Anyway, that does not mean anything is changing; I'm still going to go to gym as much as possible and watch my food through the festive season.

I am still vowing to end the year weighing less than I did on January 1st - that's the goal right now, and I'm going for it!

What I know for sure...

2011-11-04T14:04:00.000+02:00

Right now, I know that I am happy!

I am doing very well on all fronts:

Hitting the gym and though I barely make it to the end of the hectic workouts I know it waaaaaaay better than having stayed home to watch tv or something.
I'm doing very very well with my food. I've been my own counsellor and it's working. I've always though that my will power was weak as a worm, but now I know better; it depends on what I want and how much I want it, right now as opposed to long term.
I'm doing very well on my secret goals for this month, which I may or may not share at teh end of teh month.

Ok, just those two I'm going to share, but know this, I am happy! It's November after all, my birthday month and the month to count my blessings! And christmas decorations are springing up all over the place, I love me some christmas so I couldn't be happier any time of year than from now and through the festive season.

I think this year I'll introduce a bit of cheer to my office for the season...yes, I will. Why decorate and everything at home and have work be bland. Yeah, it's christmas everywhere this year. Actually, even the car's getting christmas deco ---guess I really am in a good mood!!!

Loving aerobics

2011-10-27T12:16:00.000+02:00

I have been going to aerobics, yes, the same boot camp-like aerobics that had me sore for a week the first time I went. And I've been enjoying it so immensely that I was really bummed when I couldn't go yesterday. I'm really glad that I've been going regularly because I can feel that I'm gaining strength and becoming fitter and fitter. Annnnndd, there are other benefits...the number on the scale is going down! Ok, I don't see any changes on the mirror yet, but I know something is happening, and it's only a matter of time and consistency and I'll have wonderful results to be proud of.

So yeah, I'm going to keep going!

Other than that, I think I'm on the right track. I want to celebrate my birth month differently this year. In my family, birthdays mean a celebration with lots of food and cake. I'm still going to have a cake, I make it myself anyway, but I will not be going all out like I usually would, and even the braai will have to just be like a normal meal, no more overindulging. Some may be bummed, but it's my choice to make, for my own good.

By the way, I started reading Women, Food and God. I'm only a few pages in, but somehow I can tell that it's going to change the way I think about myself...scary stuff I think.

It's been a rough year

2011-10-18T12:31:00.000+02:00

2011 has been an extremely difficult year. It has gone nothing like I planned, because the year's events have been devastatingly draining, emotionally, but also financially. I have had to give up a lot, and just accepted that things will get better as it progressed.

I have to admit though, amidst all that, I was always 'present in the moment'. All year through I have been thinking about my weight loss journey (that is not happening). I have been trying and giving up on a lot of things. It has been a rollercoaster of a year, and as much as I know that blaming the events is tantamount to giving excuses, I accept that they did contribute some to my lack of progress and I wasn't strong enough to be wiser about it.

I'm tempted to list all that I tried this year, but I'll leave it for the year round-up post. It makes me sad to think about all of and would make this an even more emotional post for me.

One thing I have done obsessively though: I've weighed myself and recorded the weight every single day I woke up from my own bed this year. So I have almost a year's worth of daily weigh ins to tell the story of how the year have gone for my 'non'-weight loss.

I decided to study the data. There are so many ups and downs it's sad. I sat with it and linked the events of the year to the weight fluctuations and there was definite correlation. Every death in family showed me gaining and gaining, the easier periods had me losing some, but then I'd go up again.

So now I'm praying that the rest of the year stay calm, as calm as it can be amidst the holiday season. And I'm praying for a great 2012. I feel tired, emotionally. I am motivated to forge on with my weight loss journey but sometimes the my emotional weight just drags me down and I go further and further up on the scale.

I weigh today more than I did at the beginning of the year. So right now this is my objective: To end the year weighing less than I did at the end of last year. That's all I want, even if it's by 0.01kg.

2011-10-13T16:40:00.001+02:00

I don't feel like writing another 'I'm not too well' post, but I just wanted to write as I haven't in week---I'm trying to be regular, at least once a week...

Yeah, I'm not feeling too good. I have this sort of cold thing going on, and the meds make me super drowsy! It's been a hard week at work because all I've wanted is to sleep. I'm glad tomorrow's Friday.

Nonetheless, Monday and Tuesday I went to the killer aerobics. Man, those guys and girls can really drill, it's more like boot camp than regular aerobics. I had to skip yesterday because I felt I would be too tired to do anything worth the time. I'm going back today though. Pity it's only Mon thru Thursday. I'll do a personal walk on Friday and there are a couple of walks I know about this weekend for Cancer Awareness Month, of which I'll choose one to do if I end up not travelling (big possibility that I'm not going). So I'll have had a week to be proud of. Hoping that next week will be another one and I just keep doing the same week after week!

As far as the eating part --- I'm really trying. I've scaled back my carbs some, and always add more veges to my plate. However, I've had this weird hunger that hits late morning along with the drowsiness. I've been ignoring it since I would've had my mid-morning fruit snack, and then I go home for a nutritious lunch. Yeah, I've been lazy and haven't been packing lunch to bring to work for quite a while now, then I'd drive out to get lunch from home or sometimes buy, but it's a bit heavy on the gas, and my pocket when I do go buy. So, I'm thinking of ways to stop. Of course, there's only one answer, pre-make lunches for the week and just grab and go in the morning. I've done it before, so I certainly can do it again.

Anyway, I'm just praying that this cold leave me sooner rather than later, I hate being sick, ugh.

It's October and I'm sick...

2011-10-07T12:13:00.000+02:00

How did we get here???! I just can't even how quickly this year has gone by, no matter how much I try to rationalize it, and think back to what I've done/been through, it's still gone by too fast.

Today, I'm not well. I was ok coming into work this morning, but now I'm sneezing, blocked nostrils, teary eyes, everything that screams, cold! But it has to go away because I haev a trip this weekend. My body took quite a beating this past two weeks, and I understand how weak it may be, but I also need it to be healthy to keep me going...

I had planned to start October out strong, but being so busy and tired I'm not quite where I wanted to be. I'm trying though, and I'm crossing my fingers that by next week I'll be ticking everything off of my list. That should feel good, and should set the mood for the rest of the year.

From end of September starts the 'holiday season' for me. With all the long weekends and celebrations these last 3 months of the year are just a mine field that could see me beginning 2012 worse for wear. I'm thankful that we don't 'celebrate' halloween here, don't think I can handle the candy. The American community here invites us local employees, but it's better to not go. Thanksgiving is the same, but I choose to celebrate it with my family, and I know I can control myself. Then comes christmas, and all the December birthdays!

I'm staying strong though.

I fell!

2011-09-28T17:28:00.000+02:00

So the other day I met up with a group of my girlfriends, 4 of them being new mothers (all babies under 9 months old). Obviously the topic of baby weight came up at some point. I have to admit, child-bearing is such a nasty thing when it comes to weight issues; all these girls, though having been pretty little things before the babies now all need to lose a considerable amount of weight! Ugh.

I found out that 2 of them had started doing aerobics at a military gym --- well, a gym in a military camp about 15 minutes drive away from my house. They spoke of the intensity, etc. and one was saying how she ran away because it was all too much for her. But me being hardcore me, that didn't scare and I wanted to see for myself. And at only 20 bucks a month (less than a tenth of what I would pay at the gym I've been intending to join next week) I couldn't pass it up. I decided I would try it and if it doesn't work then I would go to the original gym.

So, yesterday another friend and I decided to go. Oh, was it intense!!! Unfortunately I missed the beginning of the class, and when I walked in they were really moving. Then we stopped and people dispersed...I was surprised because I heard the classes were 1 hour long, but I thought there was a chance it was over because I WAS TIRED! But nope, that was just the warm up!!! Lol. But guess what, I stuck it out. I stayed for the whoel class though I was just dragging myself towards the end.

Then the cool down/stretching part came and we had to pair up. Luckily I ended up pairing with someone I was comfortable with, size-wise. But it was hard for us to find balance during the stretches. At one point we were each holding each other's leg up, and when we could stand up straight I let her go so we could start over, but she wouldn't let my leg go! I repeatedly asked her to let go but she raised my leg even higher, till I fell on my bum. Stupid woman.

So that was my first day there. But, I wasn't one bit embarassed! I'm not ashamed to go back, and if it wasn't that I'm feeling so tired from the work out adn late night yesterday I would go back today. But I'll skip and go tomorrow.

Another Monday

2011-09-26T16:48:00.001+02:00

Just can't be bothered to work up a title...
What ever happened to September?
I know it's been a busy month but to think there are only 4 more days and we'll be onto the last quarter of 2011 feels seriously ridiculous. Some say it's a sign of aging... Oh well.

So, what's up for the last quater of the year?
- Definitely going back to gym as soon as I'm back from long weekend!

That's about all I can honestly commit to at the moment. Everything else has loose plans that may or may not stick. I'll update as everything works out.

The weekend was ok, but Sunday I had a hangover, first time I ever felt like that. Didn't want to do anything after the cake delivery early in the afternoon. I just vegged out for the rest of the day...

Now it's Monday and I'm back at work. And as usually happens, I'm trying something which I hope may soon be made into a routine. Lol. Hope it amounts to something this tiem because I badly need it.

A - Z of ME...

2011-09-19T11:44:00.000+02:00

A - Z of ME....

Something fun to do...let's not focus on the failing journey for once! Found this on 4ATHOMEJ's blog (A Little Less...Of Me) and thought why not play!?

A. Age - 33 (34 in Dec) --- I don't know when I'll start owning it!
B. Bed size - Queen

C. Chore you dislike - Laundry, by hand

D. Dogs - none. I had a puppy when I was little but don't think I can deal with the energy it takes to keep one plus a little boy!

E. Essential start to your day - Made up bed

F. Favorite color - White and black together

G. Gold or silver - Silver
H. Height - 5'4"
I. Instruments you play(ed) - drum

J. Job title - For which job?? Main income is from Lab Quality Manager one.

K. Kids - 1 boy

L. Live - Gaborone, Botswana

M. Mom's name - Nyaladzi

N. Nicknames - Oh and Khali

O. Overnight hospital stays - only 2 - when I was in a car accident and when I had my son.

P. Pet peeves - Ugh, broken promises, why promise??
Q.Quote from a movie - I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a guy....etc. - Julia Roberts to Hugh Grant in Nottinghill.

R. Righty or Lefty - Righty
S. Siblings - 3 - 2 younger brothers and 1 younger sister
T. Time you wake up - Anywhere between 5.25 and 6.30am on weekdays, later on free weekends.
U. Underwear - all the time, different types

V. Vegetables you don't like - brussel sprouts and asparagus

W. What makes you run late - I'm naturally slow?

X. X-rays you've had - I remember chest, foot, and back after car accident

Y. Yummy food you make - cakes and other baked stuff

Z. Zoo animal favorites - don't know

Just being

2011-09-14T14:37:00.000+02:00

Honestly I'm tired. Physically right now, but what I'm talking about is that I am just tired of tring and trying to lose weight. Day in and day out worrying about what, when and how to eat, what, if any exercise to do, etc. I'm just sick of it all. I'm sick of worrying about binges and high calories and wanting but failing to stick with a diet long enough to see a change. It's got to stop.

So. I throw in the towel. I'm going to stop fighting with myself everyday. I just need to sort myself out and figure out how to take care of myself without fighting with my natural desires or tendencies. I just want to make peace with myself and my body. I want to bring a kinship between my body and my mind. Perhaps then I can address the weight issues in a healthier non-obsessive manner.

Do you know anyone who weighs themself everyday, every single morning? Hoping to see a loss even though they know they ate crappily the day before, or even the whole week before? I'm sure in a psychologist's book that carries some meaning...so I want to explore that. I think I mentioned before that I want to seek help; I intend to, I just haven't made the first step because I've been so busy lately. But I've taken the first step - I've admitted that I have a problem well beyond my capabilities to solve. Now I just need to make a call and make an appointment.

But besides the weight issues, it's been busy. Sometimes fun, other times not. The most fun I've had lately was attending the wedding expo in Jo'burg, South Africa, this past weekend! It made me wish I was planning my wedding - the beauty of all on display...I could just swoon over it. Good times.

Spring has sprung!

2011-09-01T17:02:00.000+02:00

So goes my ' blog bling'. I started using this template waaaayy before spring, because I was just sick and tired and was longing for spring. But now...Spring really has sprung! It is nice and warm and I'm confident that it's going to stay this way and get warmer. It's unfortunate that it will get reaaaaally hot in a couple of weeks, or less. Still prefer warm to cold weather though :)

So, it was winter. First I stopped walking outside because it was too dark in the morning - but I also pretended I didn't have a treadmill, kind of - I didn't use it after all. Then I stopped going to the gym when I was not well for a couple of weeks - but two weeks ran into 2 months. Then I just threw caution to the wind and kind of forgot everything about being healthy - Eating when I want and not working out at all. Then I started a liquid diet - which lasted 2 weeks, but gave visible results in that short period! But then, I lost and here I am.

That was August. Very short. Busy. No way to really define it in terms of my health. My highest was on the 2nd of August, my lowest on the 15th or so. But of course the month is ending at a higher weight than my lowest. Though I'm happy to say I lost 5+ pounds this month, I can't say I feel any healthier than I did at the beginning of the month.

So I want September to be different - I want to end it healthier than today. I'm travelling 3 weekends in September, and my cake business is really picking up. But I'm going to really really try to work around these and any other obstacles and come out on the other side prouder of myself than I am today.

So, here's to September:
- Continue morning walks started on Monday
- Make a plan to return to gym
- Taste the cakes - this is improtant - but do not eat all the off cuts
- Bake for business, but if needed for the family make it healthy.
- Continue the breakfast and luch plans
- Seriously look at and plan dinners.

OMG, nothing fits!!

2011-08-30T17:09:00.000+02:00

Ok, maybe not nothing, but it's definitely notable. This morning was a total disaster! You know how when seasons change you start having trouble with what to wear and may even have to go shopping for a new wardrobe? That's usually just because you haven't been wearing the clothes for the different weather and now it's like relearning your clothes and having to create new outfits out of your wardrobe all over again.

But no, not for me. For work it's really easy, I have a few skirts that I rotate with several tops, so it's not that difficult identifying outfit for warmer weather now that it's warming up. So I was all excited this morning to dive in a pick that top with that skirt. Only to find......nope, it doesn't look nearly as ok as it used to! Oh no. So I tried on another combination - same story. And another, and another!

My winter clothes have been hiding stuff that has nowhere to hide now that it's warm! But I refuse to go shopping becuase I do not have the budget for all the clothes I would need to buy. I'll have to do something to ensure that I have stuff to wear this spring/summer. So, It's on. Seriously, it is; I know I've said that a lot in the past and having nothing to show...but I really am going to make sure that I can comfortably put on my clothes and walk out of the house.

Self discipline

2011-08-26T09:35:00.000+02:00

"Do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you like it or not" - Thomas Huxley.

I see that as the perfect definition of self discipline. What it communicates to me is that life should have no excuses. Just do what should be done at the the time it should be done, period. If only it was that easy. I truly believe all my life's problems, or at least the root of most of my life's problems stems from my low level of self discipline. I can't eat only as much as I need to sustain good health, I can't work out as often or as much as I need to to attain a desirable state of health - if I'm going to focus on the topics for this blog only, otherwise I could go on and on, for example, I don't stay out of the store when I don't have a spending budget, so I spend money I should be saving...

Anyway, going back to the quote, I was on a liquid diet the last time I posted. I had intended to stay on it until today, I think that made 4 eeks, and I should be seeing a huge difference by now. But me being me, no self discipline at all, I parted with it 2 weeks ago, only 2 weeks in, so though I was fortunate to have attained a small loss that I have sustained up to now, I could have done much better.

But knowing all this, especially admitting to myself that 'most of my life's problems - big and small alike - stem from a lack of discipline,' why can't I make myself 'just do it', whatever it is at the time? I suppose the answer becomes the same, self discipline. I don't know if it's something I can overcome on my own, looking at how long I have been 'playing this game'. I've tried diet after diet, and tried gym after gym, different work outs, at home, and the only reason I haven't seen success or even any amount of progress is that I severely lack self-discipline. I can not commit to anything for any length of time for the same reason.

I think it's time I sought help in that regard. I am going to commit to this one. For once I'll be disciplined enough to seek help when I need it.

Liquid is hard

2011-08-10T12:41:00.000+02:00

I'm not in a blogging frame of mind, but I want to blog...is that contradictory? Anyways, I've been on the liquid diet for just over a week now. Wow, it is hard. Hard. And it has made me realized that my relationship with food is way beyond hunger issues. I can drink, and drink and have a full stomach, yet I would crave food, any food. I would want to bite on something and chew it. So, this is going to be a real challenge, but one that I'm ready to face head on.
I'm hoping for weight loss, which I've seen a little of so far. But I may not get the results I hope for, but still I'm hopeful. It's difficult to stick to just fluids, so I've snuck in some soft solids. I'm trying to work on that as much as possible. But mostly, it's the calories I'm worried about. It would be very disappointing to not get results after going through this, because really, why not just eat anything if I'm going to stay the same. I wish that question would pop up each time I'm tempted to go over the limit for anything.
Well, that was really condensed, but that's how I'm feeling. And it's just me anyways.

I miss you

2011-08-03T08:34:00.000+02:00

All thsi time that I've been away, not only have I not been posting on my blog, but I haven't been reading other blogs either. I miss it, I miss you my blog friends. I miss knowing what's going on in your worlds. Even those that are not even aware that I read your blogs, I miss you.

Hopefully one day I'll get internet at home, then I may be abel to read on a regular interval again. And get motivated again.

About me - I did the deed. I've started a liquid diet, and right now it's on a trial basis - like I'm not sure how long I plan to stay on it, and I'm still trying out different things to see what I like to drink that is also healthy.

Oh, by the way, I haven't been going to gym, been too busy on the business front, but things have slowed down and I should be able to go back now. However, I still want to get used to the liquid diet before I add gym back. I may possibly start my morning walks in the next week before I take the exercise to the gym. I realise that I need lots fo resistance training though if I'm going to lose weight on the liquid diet, because I need to firm up as I lose weight. I wouldn't want the effects of a liquid diet without exercise.better start as soon as tomorrow morning then.

That's that for now.

She lives...

2011-08-01T15:15:00.000+02:00

Indeed I'm alive. I know I said I can't keep up with a regular updating schedule, but I didn't mean I'll be posting just once a month. I need to keep this blog alive and post on a semi-regular frequency so that I can be able to look back one day and put the pieces together and be able to get an idea of what was going on in my life, especially with regards to the weight business.

On that note, since I have been away from the blog I haven't been good to myself, at all. Shocker, right? Even to me. I saw this quote somewhere- The state of your life is a reflection of the state of your mind. It really resonated with me, I look at myself and I think I am this way because I am not able to control my mind. My emotions drive me, and that is reflected all around me. I've been trying get myself and things in order, and I'm succeeding in some ways but not others.

By the way, I've officially launched my cake business. Finally. I love baking and decorating cakes. Unfortunately I also like eating cake. So, while I need the extra income, I do not need the effects this business may have on my health if I am not careful. So I haev decided to go drastic at least for this month. I'm going to stop eating cake, or anything for that matter - if I don't chicken out anyway. If all goes according to plan, tomorrow (or sometime this week) I'm starting a liquid diet. I HAVE TO. Hopefully when I've reached a weight I feel comfortable at, not that I'm not saying when I have lost .... pounds or kgs, or even when I'm thin, when I've reached a comfortable weight, I hope I may care enough to not indulge myself willy-nilly. As it is, at this appears the mindset is something along the lives of 'what's an extra kg, it won't show'...and that has got to stop. That's the motivation for going liquid-diet drastic.

In a nut-shell, that's enough to tell the state of affairs at this point...

I give up

2011-07-15T08:14:00.000+02:00

I just have no option but to give up on the secret dream to update the blog on a regular basis, so I'll just blog when and as I can, or when I feel up to it.

So, see ya!

By the way, I'm doing ok, rocking the maintenance - which of course is not what I want - but at least I'm not going in the wrong direction. Hopefully my next post will be way more positive than that.

Now, really, see you later!

2011-07-02T18:30:00.001+02:00

Today I go back

2011-06-27T16:25:00.000+02:00

It's been more than a week since I've done any form of organized exercise. The whole of last week, right from the weekend prior till this past Saturday I was down with a monster cold that brought on the most horrible sore throat I've ever experienced. Possibly more along the lines of tonsilitis. So, needless to say, I decided to just take some time off to rest and fully recover before stressing my body any further.

Anyway, I am now almost fully mended up. And I'm raring to go. So this evening will see me in the gym again after that bit of a hiatus. I'm really hoping it won't kill me as much as I expect it to. Then tomorrow I take to the circuit around our campus for my morning walk, chilly as I know it will be. Realistically, I can only do the walks in the morning so I'll brave the sub-zero temperatures to get in the exercise. It keeps me sane. Then evening it's gym. The plan was gym everyday and walk 3 times, but I was actually doing both everyday before, so I'll see how it goes this time around.

Food for thought
Oh, quite random, but a couple of weeks ago a lady came up to me in the gym and told me she thinks I'm doing great, ya da yada, and then she says 'If anybody says you go to gym all the time but you're not losing ya da ya da yada....'. Isn't that some sort of back-handed compliment? So I didn't even say anything back. But it just got me thinking...I'm doing well at the gym. I'm doing well for myself. I put in that effort, and it just so happens that weight loss does not happen overnight. Going to gym for a few weeks will not have me dramatically losing dress sizes for all to see. No, it won't. It will take time, and I understand that, so I do not sweat that I haven't lost tons and tons.
Granted I could probably have lost more if I did more exercise and watched my food more carefully, but you know what...what works for me now works for me now. In future I may be able to do more and see better results. Right now, I am seeing changes, enough changes to know this is working. And mostly, if I'm not losing yet working for it, it means if I wasn't doing anything I would be gaining, right? So there, it's not all for nothing, and I'll keep coming to gym. If you can't say anything plain positive, just shut up, it's not like I asked you to say anything. Hell, I don't even know you!

Been sick

2011-06-24T13:55:00.000+02:00

I've been so sick since last weekend that I haven't done a single work out all week. I haven't taken a single walk, nor have I stepped foot in gym. It just couldn't happen, no matter how much I wished it could happen. I haven't been in this kind of pain in a long time, but things are looking up at the moment, hopefully I'm on the road to full recovery and can resume life as I want!

Till then, watch this space...

Third world woes

2011-06-15T17:04:00.000+02:00

I live in a great country. We have our pitfalls, but life definitely is better here than in many other parts of the world. And I am really proud to call this place home.
But, I've also lived in the first world (the west?). Having lived in the US and the UK, it is easy to see the deficiencies in our systems. Everything is just a bit more (if not a lot) difficult to come by. Of course it is easier to eat organic here, but everything else....no.
Now, in relation to healthy living, or weight loss to be specific, it is that much harder. Or may be I'm just making excuses. Let me give a couple of examples...

My right foot has been having some weird pain, but I know going to see the doctor will not be of any help, so I just hobble along.
Where is my HRM? What is that? lol.
I need to buy some fresh vegetables - but they cost a LOT. A mere head of lettuce these days cost so much I just have to go without.
Gym options - close to none, seriously. Only 1 24hr gym in this whole city.
Therapy - lol.
Personal trainer - lol.

To mention just a few issues. I try. I really do. I know I can do better and I can lose weight, but my environment doesn't help. I'll just have to help myself.

This is for myself, and for my son...

2011-06-09T14:57:00.003+02:00

I think I should print this post I wrote about 2 years ago and read it each time I'm going through a tough time...

"Anywho. Still struggling with this. It's getting harder and harder, and I realise this is because I am not pleased with the rate at which things are happenning. I look at myself on the mirror many many times, and wish things looked different. The thing is, I always ask myself when did this happen? OK, as the story has been told over and over by me, I've been a big girl sincc my early teens, but tolerable big, to me anyway. But now all of a sudden after I had my baby things just spiralled out of control, I didn't see it happen, the moment when I should have told myself I need to stop didn't occur until it was really late. Of course I do recall a lot of the times that I overindulged in all the terrible things, and how can I forget not being active at all? But still, why couldn't the weight gain come such that I could stop before I got here? It's like I gained overnight, it's really weird.

Right now I don't want much. All I want is to go back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I was much happier then. I was healthier. I could run and run on the treadmill. I could do the elliptical without being winded too quickly. Stairs were not an issue, of course not too many flights. But now it's a whole other issue. I wish it was easy to commit to a food plan, to an exercise plan, to not feel like giving up. Giving up seems like the easiest option, sometimes even the best option. But what about not feeling so good, what about the shame, excuses, terrible fitting clothes, sitting out of activities, etc. That hurts, so I do not want to give up. It crops up in my mind a lot, but it really is not an option for me right now. I want to be healthy. I want to be a star mom to my son. And he's growing up so quickly. Soon he'll able to understand fat and thin, and I do not want him growing up unhealthy because that's what he learned from his mother.

So here I am. Sad. That it's so hard. Yet willing to do the work. I think I'm lazy by nature, but I'm really willing to work a bit harder for this. I think I'm messed up too. My relationship with food is something I've thought about a lot, something my control over wavered from great to none through time. I'm working on this too. These days I stop before taking a piece of bread to eat the minute I get home before dinner, *before grabbing a banana before breakfast, before drinking milk or juice just because I want to. I hope this sticks, at least until my mind really knows that's what should happen each time.

I need help. Divine help. I pray for help with this matter. It really is beyond me. So I leave it all up to the Lord, because He has plans for me. But also, I know He helps those who help themselves, so I'll still try. Knowing he'll give me all the tools I need to deal with this. Faith. Faith. Faith. This I have in abundance. And I know, with God, nothing is impossible.
This is for myself, and for my son."

*Edited to remove a portion that was duplicated during the 'cut&paste'... June 13,2011

I went and I loved it!

2011-06-09T10:13:00.000+02:00

Despite this nasty cold (well, it's a bit better now), I dragged myself to the gym yesterday but arrived a few minutes late. I found the CURVES CIRCUIT WITH ZUMBA FITNESS class already in session, so I jumped right in.

The instructor was the spunky girl who could really shake it. F.I.T chick. Like a level I don't even expect to ever reach if I worked out for 12 hours a day! Anyway, me being my normally coordinated self, it was quite easy to follow the steps. However, when she moved it up a notch to double time things got a little difficult, but nothing I couldn't handle after a few seconds.

The Verdict: I LOVED IT! Obviously it's more fun to do dance steps than some knee slappers or such during recovery . And I love to dance, so I'm totally sold. Now we just have to wait and see how the gym intends to incorporate it into our circuit - will we have to improvise from what the lady showed us, or will there be someone in the middle leading us?? We'll have to wait and see, I guess.

Looking forward to it - it's so much more of a work out and I sweating loads more yesterday. So, It's a great way to shake thinsg up and hopefully there'll be some benefits to it more than having fun, you know, like weight loss?

Curves with Zumba! But I'm sick...

2011-06-08T16:29:00.000+02:00

Our Curves is introducing Curves with Zumba this month; they had demonstrations last week, then this week they're running classes for members. I signed up for this afternoon/evening after work - but I'm sick with the most terrible cold!

I've been looking forward to this ever since I found out. I've heard great things about Zumba, and I love dancing, so I knew/know I'll enjoy Curves with Zumba. So, what do I do?? I think I'm just going to drag my sick self to the gym and if I feel too poorly then I'll just watch. There's no way I'm missing the opportunity to watch people who know what they're doing do it and have to learn from amateurs like myself.

So, when I get home today I'm changing into my gym clothes and heading to the gym. What happens once I'm there will depend on how I feel. But knowing me, if I'm not dying I'll be up there dancing it up. So, send positive thoughts this way, please!

Other than that, because of poor weather here, and this cold I missed my walk this morning. At least I get to go to gym today, otherwise I'll force myself onto the treadmill or mini-stepper later on.

Here's to determination!

Sleep or exercise, what's more important?

2011-06-07T09:45:00.000+02:00

If you went to bed later than usual, but you have a walk scheduled for the next morning, what do you? Do you sleep an extra hour to make up for the late night or do you go out for the walk anyway?

I GOT UP AND WENT WALKING! For an hour. At 5.30 am. On a Saturday morning! Thankfully, somehow, I manahed to stay alert all day and the effects of my too little sleep didn't take a toll on me much. I'm getting used to this routine, too bad it's winter and the mornings are getting darker and darker. But it's already so ingrained in me that if I happen to lose a few minutes in the morning I'd rather go out for 15 minutes than not at all. This morning was really dark because of clouds, so I decided to take the walk inside. Oh, treadmill, you're so not my friend. But at least I have that convenience, I don't get to lose a walk if it's raining or whatever.

I missed gym yesterday because yet again someone I know died and I went to visit with the family. I'm hoping to make it today. But if I don't I'm not too worried because I got my walk in this morning.

Saturday is the 4K, but it looks like I might have to miss it for the funeral. I'm shattered because I've been looking forward to it all year. We don't get these planned events much around here. You could hear of a sponsored walk or such, but it's not the same. If I really have to miss it I will, but I'll continue with the training anyway. I'm really hoping that the funeral is on Sunday so that I can go on this trip. More than the 4K it's an outing for us, bonding time outside of the hassles of daily life, so may be if the funeral is on Saturday, we'll still go hang out afterwards and go back home on Sunday as was the plan.
Oh well.

I won't talk about food. That's all.

I'm on it

2011-06-01T17:02:00.000+02:00

Why is blogging hard?
Actually I don't think blogging is hard at all. I just overthink it. The question most probaly would be answered by the response to 'why do I blog?'
It's weird because I feel compelled to blog. I love it, yet I hate it. I want to do it often, but I can't for all sorts of reasons. Time and content being the 2 top reasons.

Anyway, I'm alive, I'm ok. More so than I've been in the recent past. Guess what? I finally have NORMAL BLOOD PRESSURE! I always had normal blood pressure, until I was pregnant and then it wouldn't go back down. But since I've been very consistent with workling out for the past 2 and half months I now have normal blood pressure again!!! And I plan to keep it that way.

I've lost only a little weight, very little, despite all the working out. Yep, that monster, food, is still playing a big role in that. I pray for the day I will be able to avoid temptations and eat clean for days and weeks in a row. It's not easy for me.

BUT, I see a huge difference in my body. It is happening. The weight is shifting and I'm sure I'm gaining some muscle too. This will only continue to get better and better.

I'm committing myself to try harder this month. I'm keeping up with the work outs with double work outs a few days a week even past the 4K on the 11th. I'm going to deal with the food issue the best I can considering the circumstances. But believe me when I say I will be better at the end of this month than I am today.

I'm on it.

The physical part is in the bag

2011-05-24T14:37:00.000+02:00

The plan is to move as much as possible and eat sensibly; apparently that is the best formula to a healthy weight. So, that's what I've been striving for.

So an update
About 2 months ago I joined Curves, and have been going very well, except when I absolutely couldn't. The week it was just me and my son at home I went drastic and went to Curves at lunch since I couldn't go in morning or after work. That's how committed I am. Yesterday was another of those days where it was just impossible to go and I was ready to move mountains so I could. Sadly I couldn't go, but I made sure I did some moves at home to at least do something, you know.

Since I registered for a fun walk during a marathon next month, I've decided to add in walk/jog/slog sessions to prepare for that. So lately I've been getting up early and walking rather than going to Curves first thing, then I would hit Curves after work. The plan is to have a minimum of 9 work outs a week, that is 6 Curves sessions and walking on 3 days, or if I miss Curves like I did yesterday, I make up for it with a walk.

So, who's to dispute that the physical part of the weight loss equation has been bagged in these parts??! Not me, coz I know I'm rocking it!

The food/eating side is a work in progress. One day I'll master it too, one day that I'm looking forward to.

State of My Nation

2011-05-16T16:06:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I got up extra early to drive 3.5 hours, luckily my mom drove on the homebound trip. Then I went to bed late. And had to get up early again this morning. So, I'm knackered today. But I'm still going to gym after work. Which will be followed by gym tomorrow morning.

Registered for a 4K.
I discovered the world of 5Ks from the fitness blogging community, but for some reason have only been finding 4K fun runs around here (except one time only). So far I've only done 2. I was geared for one this month but it was postponed to next year! But the good news is that I've registered for one on 11th June and I'll be driving about 4 or so hours to get to it. I love adventure, so why not?! So this month I really need to get serious about getting some activity beyond my Curves work outs in preparation for the 4K. I obviously won't be running/jogging/slogging all of it, but I want to run as much as possible.

Last week I baked
2 pans of brownies. One I took to my mom's house, and the other was consumed in my house. Quite a bit by myself. Besides that and the potato wedges (from Nandos) binge on Wed/Thurs I've been eating good food. May be not the best portions, but it's something. At least I'm not gaining. But I'm not losing either, so I have to revisit the food plan and see how to make it more interesting so that I don't stray too much from it. It is the food that's my downfall, as has always been.

May be I need a challenge
I've been thinking about that. Last week I was looking at my picturess from when I did the Missouri Challenge that Tony hosted quite some time ago. It was (and still is) horrifying to see that I looked better in the before pictures than I do now... Somewhere between now and then I just lost track and mostly because I do not have goals and challenges or anything to work towards (except a loose 'I want to lose some weight') I haven't done much for myself. I weigh many many pounds more than when I started blog, even more than when I started this blog which if fairly new compared to my whole blogging history.

So, A challenge
I want to be proud of myself at the marathon next month (of course I'm only doing the 4K). So I want to give my all in preparation for it. So:

I'm working out at Curves 6 days each week (except when I'm out of town - like this coming weekend)
I'm doing 4K specific training 3 times eack week (walking/jogging/running/slogging/whatever)
I'm looking at food plan tonight and sticking to it till the marathon at least.

I'm really praying for strength to accomplish those 3 seemingly simple goals. I know I will be so much better for it. And I will be much happier with myself if I can only do that.

This is me. For me.

I missed Mother's Day...

2011-05-11T10:21:00.000+02:00

My indifference to blogging seems to be growing by the day. I even missed posting a Mother's day blog, which I know I would've loved to. Not only in honour of my mom, but also in honour of my grandmother, aunts, friends, and every mother out there. Mothers do the greatest job ever in this world and deserve all the appreciation that can be given. Our kids made us mothers, and for that we appreciate them, but I feel there should be more appreciation from them, for without mothers they have NOTHING. Don't get me wrong, fathers play a big role in raising children, but we all know mothers make the biggest impact ALWAYS.

My Mother's day this year went by quietly. Only phone calls and text messages to wish me a great day, but nothing in the way of a big treat like breakfast in bed or an outing. At least I did get a few hours to just veg out on the couch and watch tv without the boy haggling me for attention. Love him, but sometimes I need some alone time at home. That was that. And this week I'm really experiencing mothering at it's best. It's just me and my son at home! We've managed fairly well and I feel it's something we could get used to and perfect if we had to. For now, my sister comes back today and the load will lessen on me!

Sad. Yesterday, only a couple of days after wishing her mom a happy mother's day, my cousin passed away in a passion killing. Mother to 2 young daughters herself, she met her a untimely death just as she was completing her post-graduate degree and was about to start her grown-up life. I feel so sad especially for her kids and her mom who also lost her brother (my dad) earlier this year. God's plans sometimes are just so heart-breaking it's difficult to understand why... I pray for God to grant my Aunt the strength to get over this most difficult period well and the strength to raise her grandchildren and keep their mother's memory alive.

What to blog about?

2011-05-04T16:53:00.000+02:00

...that I'm doing well with gym and food (mostly) and have lost a couple of kilograms?

...that I've confirmed that white home-made (by me) bread is definitely a trigger food?

...that I love rocking the gym, but after being too lazy to get up early to go this morning I feel even lazier to go this afternoon? I'm determined to go though I reaally really don't feel up to it.

...that though I haven't followed my food plan to the tee I've been doing very well. Biggest problem is preparing meals ahead of time, and having to cook my own meals after work, especially on days where I end up going to gym after work. Working on that.

...that working out is so much harder with Curves Smart than without, and I'm glad because I have motivation to work even harder. No more 'just turning up'.

...that blogging is really no as exciting as reading other blogs (for me).

...that I will NOT be taking my weight loss journey over to Facebook. If I do it will be on a different account with a different name and my pictures will have to be head-less, at least until I gain the confidence necessary to expose myself to the whole world. Not that I have that many friends.

...that I'm back to being taxi-mom, driving my son back and forth to school everyday. Can't wait till he's old enough to ride in the school bus.

...that Big Brother Africa is here again and I'm loving it as usual??

...that it's hard. But I try. But I get discouraged when I think about how long I have been trying. Then I get encouraged when I think of the progress I could make if I didn't stray so much. But I know I will never quit trying.

Quite a mouthful, huh? Now imagine if I tried to write separate posts about all that. Is it even necessary?/

I do have a lot to talk about, but

T

Blogging, Being Well, and Winter

2011-04-29T13:32:00.001+02:00

Blogging
I think I like reading others blogs so much more than I like writing one.....? Yeah, that would explain my absence from blogging so much. I've contemplated shutting the blog down, but I can't bring myself to do it and I think if I do I will definitely then start missing blogging, unlike when I know I can blog whenever I want. So, I'll keep the blog and update as much as I feel like.

I've been well and good. Gym every morning, with a bit of extra exercise some days. Food has been good too. I finally have a plan to follow, and though I've had to deviate a couple of times, it's been for fairly valid reasons and no, I did not choose unhealthier food over what's on the plan, just something different and/or more convenient. Obviously it may take a couple of weeks to remove all the kinks and have a solid weekly plan that I intend to follow for at least a month, and if it works then stick with it for longer, otherwise re-do and review in another month.

So far so good, and I've even seen a loss on the scale already. Yes, I weigh myself every morning (and sometimes evenings too).

Winter is here (though practically it's still autumn)
And I still hate it. I have decided that this year I'll wear pants if I can find some that I like. Preferably linen jeans and that sort of thing. I also need a couple of hoodies for gym and a couple of long-sleeved Ts to wear underneath my sweaters. Other than that, we're done with winter-shopping already in my house! For someone who hates winter I embraced and am happy with the shopping this year. The boy had outgrown all his winter clothes from last year! I had to do it early before all the nice things were gone. Hopefully i won't be seeing any nicer things - better avoid the clothing stores!

Another long weekend! So happy. Have a good one!

Dare I go to Facebook???

2011-04-21T17:33:00.001+02:00

I've been thinking of extending my weight loss efforts to Facebook. Hoping that involving more real life people in my journey may be more motivating for me. The more people that would know that I'm doing this, the more people I'm accountable to, and the more I'm likely to stick to it, right?

I don't know. The main reason I've kept my blog a secret from people in my real life is because I don't want people to know when I fail. But isn't that like believing I will fail even before I start? And so setting myself up for failure? Hmm. So, I'm thinking about it, seriously considering it. Would it hurt for me to admit openly that I DO want to lose weight? I'm sure they know I do, even as much as I like pretending like everything is peachy.

I know there are people who know about and read this blog secretly (colleagues who found out through their work - IT - and their friends perhaps). They haven't said anything to my face about not reaching my goals, well, not losing weight since I haven't stated any goals. So if this is an indication, my friends will only encourage me to do better and not comment on my lack of progress if that's the case, won't they? I'll just make a statement that I'm embarking on a weght-loss journey, welcome any encouragement, but no negative critisism, etc. Then update after work-outs and meals and when I slip up. That should help, I think. Yep, I think I'll go for it.

Buuut, I'll only say it's done when I've done it.

You know, year after year I've told myself diet and exercise in secret and people will only see me looking better and better, but it hasn't worked. May be it is time to involve 'people'. I should do this. I should.
What do you think?

I went

2011-04-20T17:07:00.000+02:00

I did go to Curves yesterday. The work-out is only 30 minutes long, and you determine how hard you want to work. I worked hard during that 30 minutes, I sweated up a storm and left very glad I went.

Then... I went again this morning! And rocked it yet again. I love that it's a mere 30 minutes yet I feel like I have done a lot when I leave. I love that I get to work out my whole body by just going around the circuit and that I get my cardio and resistance training all in one session. I just hope as I get more and more used to it it won't lose its lustre.

I'm still struggling with the food issues. Yesterday was ok though I thought I might struggle more because of that little mishap. I dealt ok, but honestly, I 'm still not pleased and still feel really resentful. I'll get over it.

In the mean time, it's all about me for me!

Fueled by anger?

2011-04-19T15:31:00.002+02:00

Ugh, I'm tired. Physically and mentally. May be I'm depressed??? I was just talking to my friend that I joined the gym with and were doing work outs together. She hasn't been to gym since the first week and has said she was busy with this or that all the time. Only today I find out she has gone the wire-tie route. I feel betrayed. Very seriously.
There I was discussing with her our course of action - we were going to do the gym and Weigh-less. Together, supporting each other. And she goes and takes the easiest way out without letting me know she's leaving me in the lurch. Yeah, friendship indeed. And guess what, if this has taught me anything it's that I am not going to eat my emotions. I've resolved to do this the right and healthy way, and I dare say it has fueled me to try and do better every day.

So, thanks friend, by bailing out on me you have given me the encouragement to really have my own back. To love me more, and do what is best for me always. I was thinking of skipping gym today coz I'm in a funk but no, I'm going and I'm going to rock it. And I'm going to join further than the 6 weeks we had signed up together.

I was actually working on a sustainable meal plan this morning, and have been thinking of how to coordinate my work out time with my other responsibilities. I want to add walking to the gym time. So, I'll try it out from tomorrow. Next week I'll be on the schedule full time, meals and work outs.

Here we go. I want long-lasting, no, permanent weight loss. I'm going after it.

The food issue

2011-04-07T00:11:00.001+02:00

I get up by 5.30am most morning so I can make it to gym before work. I work out hard, I sweat a lot, probably more because of how out of shape I am than how hard I work out. But I still do a great job of it. I wish I had a heart rate monitor to tell me exactly how well I'm doing, or not. But still, I know it's enough to shave off enough calories for me to lose at least a tiny bit every week. Alas, there's no weight loss. But why, you ask? The answer: It's the food issue. My issues with food have to be resolved before I can get anywhere. I can work out until I pass out, but as long as I eat more than I need to, the weight won't come off, if anything more will pile on. While I go to gym everyday :(. Sad. Something has got to give. Seriously.

Acknowledge and move forward...

2011-04-04T17:15:00.000+02:00

We're a quarter of the year into 2011. And only now things are starting to somewhat have a rountine. There's been too much happening, including too much travelling since the beginning of the year, but now thinsg are settling down and I should have more control over my life! Can someone say finally!!

So, yeah, this is the time to acknowledge that I haven't done well so far this year, and move on. Because, what will beating myself up, regrets, etc. give me? Nothing, or if anything it'll make me feel bad and do even worse.

I've had some positives though...I've done Curves religiously since March 11. I've gone every single day it's been open except 2 days I missed with a swollen ankle and last Thursday when I was just so out of it I couldn't even make myself just go. What's more, most of the days I've gone early in the morning before work! Yay me!

However, today I'm going and I'm reviewing my previous eating plans to determine how I'm moving forward.

I'll be living my life from now on, this just taking whatever the day brings has come to an end. My new motto is 'Live Your Life!' I'm doing it. And guess what? Health and Fitness Will Follow!

I'm ok

2011-03-24T09:56:00.000+02:00

It was touch-and-go for a bit early this week. I found myself in the emergency room at 3am - I still have no idea what it was my body had reacted so violently to. I could have sworn I am not allergic to anything at all until Sunday night, but now I'm not so sure. Well, I'm fine now. So is my son who also went through a rough patch Tuesday and Wednesday. Glad that's resolved.

Curves
I have been missing out! And wow, finally something to get me to get up early in the morning every morning. Talk about commitment... I'm enjoying Curves way more than I thought I ever would, and though I wish I could go more than once a day if I wanted, I still get a good work out while I'm there and I sweat up a storm every time. I like that you get to 'customize' the work out to your level, you work out as hard or as light as you want. But of course since I'm on a mission here, I'm trying to work as hard as I can and I sweat big time. The music helps since it's ever so upbeat. What else do I like, the constant attention. Knowing that there's someone watching your form adn advising you if you're not doing something right is a great comfort to me, because I know chances of injuries are quite low. At this rate, the feeling is that at the end of the six week I'll be signing up again.

Hard hard hard
...... This is hard. Food is my downfall in this weight loss journey. You know, if food did not form part of the weight loss equation, I would have reached my goal ages ago. I do well with exercise. I love to work out. Of course there are times that I'm just not as committed, but I feel I'm do ok on that front.
But fooooood. Eating. I eat for all sorts of reasons and I eat all sorts of food. I'm hungry, I eat - and that's ok, but only if I eat just enough to curb my hunger. I eat when I'm not hungry - why? Boredom, happiness, sadness, anxiety, nervousness. And how does food help? I have absolutely no idea. All I know if that chips, pizza, bread, cake, biscuits, meat, meat and meat, etc. will never solve any of my problems, or get me closer to any goal at all. So I'm fighting, I'm fighting with food. Food wins most of the time, but one of these days I will win. I just need a good plan. That's what I will do, find a plan that works and work it.

Because, really, how long has it been? I need to win this. I'm not giving up any time soon, or any time at all for that matter. The current plan is consistency, keep on keeping on, and eventually I know, it will work out. But I will still do more.

Finally Curved

2011-03-11T13:46:00.000+02:00

I finally bent and joined Curves. I'm going for my first work-out this afternoon. My hope is that I get to love and enjoy Curves. I thought I would the first time I visited, but the assistant just ruined everything for me.
The assistant yesterday waas much nicer, and I suppose it helped that I went with a friend. So, for the next 6 weeks I'll be 'curving' and if I like it, then I'll be 'curving' longer. Let's do this!

Otherwise Lent is going great. And it's true.

March 9th - April 23rd 2011

2011-03-08T14:28:00.000+02:00

I'm not Catholic, and I can't even lie and say I know what it means to be Catholic. However, I went to Catholic church for over a year while I was overseas studying and it was the closest church to my house, and I just wanted a place to worship. That is when I learnt about Lent.

Lent represents the 40 days Jesus spent alone in worship in the wilderness before the beginning of his public ministry where he withstood temptations from Satan. Christians have adopted the 40 days before Easter as the Lenten period and typically prepare themselves by prayer and fasting or avoidance of certain food items. Many will not eat meat or levened bread during this period.

For me Lent represent a time of sacrifice and discipline. I make myself Lenten promises that I keep for the 6 weeks duration. As I'm on a weight-loss journey, my promises mostly revolve around it. I usually vow to give up all sorts of junk that does not help my mission. However, this year I have decided to do it differently.

I know I have not been updating my blog as regularly as I'd like, and it worries me quite a bit. SO, this year my # 1 Lenten promise is to stop worrying about the blog, to feel no pressure at all to blog. As it is, I may not even blog during the whole 6 weeks. I also want to devote the 6 weeks to myself, to be selfish for the next 6 six, to think about myself first, and make plans that revolve around what's best for me first.

That's all, very simple. Lent this year is for ME ME ME, and ME. Everything else builds around that.

Back on the exercise bandwagon

2011-03-03T14:45:00.000+02:00

Finally I'm catching up with everyone on a fitness journey. What do they say the recipe is to get healthy aka lose weight? Eat less and move more. And I'm sure eat less can sometimes be read as eat smart, yes, smart is the new less! lol

Anyway, as of Monday I'm back to moving moving moving. And very soon I'll be ready to conquer my fun walk at the marathon in April. I'm start out small and easy. Like on Monday, we walked leisurely for 30 minutes near a mall, and that was after hitting a couple of road blocks to what we really wanted. And, I'm sure we'd struck it lucky because the place we ended up at is such a better option in terms of fit - that is, what we're ready for right now, distance from our houses, safe parking, etc. Then on Tuesday I hit the treadmill first thing in the morning for 20 minutes. You say only?And I say yes, it's a start, I did not sleep in. Yesterday was supposed to be the 2nd date but unfortunately I was stuck across town and couldn't make it.

The plan with my friend is to walk together near the mall on Mondays and Wednesdays after work, then have a longer walk on Saturday mornings. We're still thinking about what to do on the other days, hiking may be? We'll see. In the meantime I'll be giving those other days to the treadmill. We're hoping to get more of our friends involved to make it more fun, but hey, we won't wait till they join us to get serious. Been there and look, we're still the same unfit us. I'd rather they find us going than we lounge around waiting for whenever they decide it's time.

So, the plan: do the evening dates, do treadmill while we decide what to the on the other days, and continue with the eat smart (or less) thing. We should see some progress, no?

Today's Horoscope

2011-02-28T10:20:00.000+02:00

I don't know if I believe in horoscopes or not... I'm sort of on the fence. So I read them, yet don't necessarily always believe what I read, because, come on, how many November birthdays do I know, and how can those few words possibly be applicable to the whole lot of us?!

However, quite a few times I come across that just resonates soo very loudly with me, like today's:

Is there something you have been noticing about yourself that you want to improve? It is admirable to want to rid yourself of bad habits, and best of all -- it is always an attainable goal. The key is perseverance! Start turning over that new leaf today, but do not put too much pressure on yourself about overnight perfection. It is not that simple to change ... give yourself plenty of room to fall along the way. Pat yourself on the back as you take that step in a new direction!

Interesting enough? I AM DEFINITELY TAKING THAT ADVICE. Thanks Yahoo!

So, I'm back from my work trip. Ugh, trips and travelling I like, but there's always this 'out-of-routine' vibe that almost always throws me off and on my return I've gained quite a few pounds back, hate that. I weighed casually when I got back, but will not be weighing in officially this week. I'm devoting this week to getting back to where I was before I left, hopefully it'll be enough time. Fingers crossed.

And this evening after work is my first work-out date with my friend. Am I looking forward to it??? The doing-it-together part, hell yes, I need all the motivation I can get. But the activity on the other hand, I think we're biting too much too soon, but I'll go along just so I don't sound like nay-sayer. I know we'll reach a compromise by the end of the day.

Here's to a good week!

This time...

2011-02-22T10:39:00.000+02:00

This is a weight-loss blog, or rather, since there’s not much weight-loss going on, it may be more accurate to say this is supposed to be a weight-loss blog. The blog is titled ‘This Time – Health and Fitness will follow’. To an observant or analytical person, it is obvious that thought I want to lose weight more than anything, the primary focus of this blog is NOT weight-loss as in a reduction of the number on the scale.

What am I trying to say?

My intention through this blog, which is not to lose weight, is to engage in a lifestyle that will inherently foster habits that will lead to improved health and fitness, as would be evidenced by weight-loss. Making sense? Therefore, I didn’t (and still don’t) want to set weight-loss goals. I do not want to prescribe how much weight I plan to lose in a certain period of time. I’ve done it before, and failed miserably at it, hence to avoid the discouragement that obviously follows failure I will not state weight-loss goals on this blog. Weight-loss, when it happens will be recorded, and the pace of weight-loss will be the effective result of the changes I end up incorporating into my life.

So far, I have been on and off with the ‘healthier’ lifestyle. I try; sometimes more than others, but also, Life happens. More often than not, my health, or lack thereof, occupies my mind, each choice I make is considered after going through the options and deciding what is best at that time. And what is best may not actually be the best choice for the overall picture, just for that moment in time. So, everyday I make what may be seen as negative or positive choices. Unfortunately, the weight of the negatives choices has proven so far to exceed the weight of the positive choices (pun not intended).

Always planning…

So, what's next? Sure, I can not seem to keep to a plan, so I’m always coming up with another plan. My new plan this time is this – STAY THE COURSE. That is all, simple.

Life goes on

2011-02-16T17:09:00.000+02:00

I'm back.

It was a hard week. Which was preceded by hard weeks still. My family has gone through so much in 2011 already.

And guess what, I plan to go through a whole lot more, just of the more positive variety. I plan on living more, and going after my goals and having more fun this year. We've been dealt terrible blows so early in the year, and there's nothing more than this to make me appreciate life more, appreciate my family more and appreciate all the resources I have to live a great life as long as I can possibly make it.

So, here's to me, living life. I start by taking care of myself. Right now.

2011

2011-02-11T10:12:00.001+02:00

If anyone came here through a link, I'm sure it's coz you thought this is an update about my progress in 2011, or that I'm stating my intentions, etc. I'm sorry to disappoint, both of those are not the bottomline or 'take home' message of this post. It's only February 11th, but I'm here to tell you that 2011 has so far been a painful year. I know I have it within me, and it's up to me to turn make it into a more glorious year. I pray that I do rise up to meet all challenges I face this year, in fact, I declare that I will tame this year and I will finish on top. So far, I've not had any control over my life. The 'events' in my life have left me merely struggling to survive. First my dad passed away on Jan 1st. Any African will tell you that your life is not your own between the death and the funeral. Then the day after the funeral my grand dad was admitted in hospital, and stayed there till he passed on on Feb 6th. I've never driven as much as I hv in the past month. I've never given up control of my life as I did in Jan/Feb 2011. 6 Feb 2011 is a day I've dreaded and prayed will never come till I had no words, but still it came. My FATHER is no more. I'm still not processing it right I'm sure, it's not sinking in well. Wht I know is that my life is not under my own control right now, I'm floating through the days. Merely surviving. I don't have the power to get back the way they used to be. All I can do is promise to take care of myself so that I can at least like to their ages. My dad was a young 55, my grand dad was a very young 80, considering both his parents lived well into their 90. Life's unfair. But I owe it to them to move on, carry forth their legacy, hence I need to take care of myself. So after the funeral it'll be time to take back the reins and start living my life, and striving for a long life. I'm going to face 2011 head on, and I'm making my fathers proud, I know both will be cheering me on.

Blog award!

2011-02-04T12:37:00.000+02:00

Apparently Alexia over at Dimple Snatcher and other stories thinks I'm stylish blogger... or perhaps she wants to encourage me to be a stylish blogger....lol, because she awarded me the stylish blogger award. Though I doubt very much that I deserve it, I will accept, because anything else will be plain rude! Thanks Alexia!

The rules for the award are simple:

Post and link back to the person who awarded you this award - done
Share 7 things about yourself - I'll get to it just now
Award 5 bloggers who have "stylish" blogs - I'll try

So, here are seven 'things' about me, hopefully they're all new:

I've been blogging since 2008! (even I can't quite believe it, but of course I've changed blogs and took a hiatus or 2 somewhere along the line).
I love working out - it's true!
I love to eat all sorts of food. Our traditional food, western, chinese, indian, mexican, italian, you name it, I'm all over it.
I love reading other people's blogs, but I find blogging to be quite a chore myself. So most of the time I just throw my thoughts out there just as jumbled up as they are, hence the randomness. Wish I could give more time and thought but....whatever.
I love to read, watch movies
If I could afford it I would spend my life travelling.
I love my home, I love my city and I love my country, but I wish I lived elsewhere where life is more convenient. I need more choices!

Finally to award:

Now, I'm off to notify these ladies of the award and post the button on my blog.

Thanks again Alexia! And here's to a great weekend.

Quick Update

2011-02-03T17:06:00.000+02:00

Weigh in
Our Tuesday weigh in did not materialize this week due to clashes in our schedules. We use one of my friends' scale as the 'official' scale, which gives me a different reading from my own, so though my scale gave me a weight which is less than last week's I will not record it officially. I'm crossing my fingers that we're able to meet next week.

Exercise
It's February 3rd, and I have not had one formal work out in 2011! It's been a difficult year so far, and I have not had the time nor energy to exercise, as much as I'd like to. First, my dad passed away on the 1st of January, and I just couldn't summon the will to work out around that time. The funeral was on the 8th. My granddad (maternal) has been unwell for a bit now, and on the 9th of January he was admitted in hospital (mind you, that's the day after the funeral). He's still in hospital now, about 30 - 45 minutes away. So every evening after work I pick up my son from school, drop him off at home and off I go to the hospital. I don't get home till after 9, and often get to bed after 11pm...Maybe I can still exercise if I put my mind to it, but right now I just can't. Please keep my granddad in your prayers.

Other than that I have a lot I want to talk about but can't right now because the evening routine starts now with me leaving work to get the boy home and then it's off to Ramotswa.

Queen of the week

2011-01-27T14:42:00.000+02:00

Despite my fears that I'll be losing yet another P25 this week, I didn't!! I actually ended up arriving later than usual and one of the girls had already left, and since I had told them I might have gained she had already claimed the other girl's P25 and I was to hand mine over. But alas, with my 1.8kg (3.9lbs) loss this week, she now owes me P50! I'm the week's biggest loser! Hurray!!!

Anyways, it wasn't and it's not smooth sailing. Why, oh why, is is so easy to change my mind and eat something that's not on the day's plan? Why is it so easy to eat more than enough? Why is it so much easier to sleep in that to force myself to get up and get some activity in in the morning? Why, why, why?

I start everyday with good intentions, but not much later I find myself drifting from the plan. And guess what? It's easier to keep drifting off than to rein myself in and do the right thing immediately. Case in point, I found myself mindlessly eating banana chips after lunch, but instead of stopping right then I told myself I'll do better the rest of the day as I finished them off! I know what I want, I know what I should do to get what I want, but Dear Lord, is it ever hard to stay the course?

Choice after choice is what matters, and as long as I make more of the right choices than wrong ones I know I'll make progress, no matter how slow. Just keep making choice after choice count, one bad choice should be followed by several good ones, no 2 bad choices in a row. Does this make any sense? It does to me, and that's what I'm aiming for.

I'm not looking forward

2011-01-25T17:10:00.002+02:00

....to today's weigh in. I didn't do horribly this week. Not at all. I'm sure I haven't gained, but I just know that I haven't lost enough to the this week's biggest loser. Now that'll be P50 in total, and that's in 2 weeks...

What's to come? I better jump on the exercise bandwagon now that I don't have to do the daily hospital runs to check on my grandfather. Thank God he's well enough to be at home!

Food diary and structured eating - weight loss tools

2011-01-24T16:02:00.000+02:00

Tracking food
Around the weight loss/health and fitness blog arena, many people blog their food daily, others keep food diaries elsewhere, while others actually have blogs where they not only blog what they ate, but also post pictures of everything they ate and even give out recipes to their favourites! Which by the way I think rocks and have always wished I could emulate.

Been there, but can't stay long
For a little bit last year I was on sparkpeople and it felt great to be able to visualize in numbers exactly what I was eating. I could tell roughly the amount of calories I was taking in and see the breakdown according to nutrients, etc. I've also kept a 'hard copy' food diary from time to time. But, all in all, I never last too long on it, or if I last a couple of weeks I have some meals, some whole days here and there skipped.
Going back and thinking about it, it is because I do not have a structured way of eating, if I may call it that. There are times when I cook ahead for the whole week, and that makes it easy to have some order or control over what I'm eating. The rest of the time I'm picking at different things and just making a whole mess such that at the end of the day it's difficult to even start writing down what I've eaten. Writing things down before eating them would be awfully hard, but possibly it may be a tool to make me think more about what I'm eating before I eat. Except I probably wouldn't even remember to do it all the time! So, fo rme food diarizing in any way is close to impossible long term.

So, how to I introduce more structure into my eating?
I really want less picking at any and every thing and changing my mind about what to eat at the last minute, which means I end up eating something I 'shouldn't' eat. I'm very experimental - I mean I like to experiment. I like to try new recipes and new foods all the time, which makes it hard to keep eating the same things all the time. But I've been trying to lose weight for a long time. I think it's about time I made some serious change and introduce some serious structure in the way I eat to see any progress.Here's what I'm thinking:

I'm going to work out what I want to eat that I feel I can't absolutely go without for long
Then I'm going to assess how I can make myself a weekly menu out of those items, taking into account their nutritional content
Then I'm going to follow that menu week after week
Review and change if necessary, but change only if necessary

This means I'm going to have to put aside my experimental ways for a bit; stop trying new things and only go with what works. I know many people have lost weight thay way, and really it doesn't take rock science to tell that consistency works a charm when it comes to weight loss.

So, my immediate future is going to include a lot of fresh juice, until I feel it's time to evaluate and make changes. I will be eating real food too!

The tale of the first P25

2011-01-19T16:59:00.000+02:00

Week 1 weigh in was yesterday. I'll confess that I didn't really do much to earn a significant loss last week, and so all I was hoping for was anything but a gain. I would have been simply happy to have maintained my 116.4kg (according to my friend's scale that we're using for the weigh ins) - my scale gives lower reading by a whole 1.4kg.
Anyway, 3 out of 4 of us showed up for the weigh, one phoned in a gain, and the last person may not be participating. So I was very scared that I'd register a gain so I let the two girls go first and they had both lost! Then it was my turn.....(drum roll)..... a loss! Albeit a mere 0.6 kg, but hey, that's a pound and a third! So, though I had to turn in my P25, rather than receive two, I was chuffed that I didn't have to pay P50.

So, yeah, that's how the P25 went. I then went home and made myself some chicken and vegetable cobbler, love. The plan is to indulge myself on Tuesdays after the weigh in, but then get serious from Weds till the next weigh.

I want next week's P75!

Productive day

2011-01-18T17:02:00.000+02:00

I've always wished I could take my 'weekends' off during the work week. It is annoying that you have to take annual leave hours to do anything of a personal nature during the week, considering that we have so few of them and that that's the only time you can access most services. That is why I'm so thankful that I get to benefit from American holidays; I get to run all those errands that I can't do on normal days without cost.

1st Holiday of the year
Yesterday was terrrific, I was the most productive on a holiday I have been in a while.
Usually on holidays I take the chance to sleep in, on a week day! But yesterday I got bright and early and took off with a long list of errands for the day. And as luck would have it, most took way less time than I expected, and I suppose I have to thank the fact that it's mid-January for that. I got my car registration done, did my banking, dealt with the guys doing customs clearance for me for a purchase I made in South Africa, made an insurance claim for my cracked windscreen, visitd my son's new school and paid the school fees, etc.

Yet I have so much more to do. Can't wait for the next holiday, plus do I love that we get half-day Fridays?!

Weigh in today
Today we have our first week's weigh in. We did the initial weigh ins last Tuesday, and I weighed more than I wanted to - if you know what I mean. However, I did not make a solid plan for the week, I just had a rough idea of how I was going to handle things, that is, food. But obviously that meant I was susceptible to picking the wrong things, the wrong amounts, at the wrong time. Yep. So, I'm not at all sure if this week I'll register a loss, but I hope to have lost at least a fraction of a kilogram, because otherwise it's double penalty for a gain! I have a plan though, which though I still have to polish up I did half the time last week but not at all during the weekend. Must work on it.

So, here's to a decent weigh in - meaning a non-gain weigh in...

New Year, New Ways

2011-01-13T16:38:00.000+02:00

No new year's resolutions
I know we're almost 2 weeks into 2011, but the year is still new, right? I did not make any new year's resolutions, but that does not mean I do not have any aspirations. Quite the opposite actually. There's so much I'd like to accomplish this year. In terms of health and fitness, finances, work, etc. But I didn't want to embark on any projects as new year's resolutions, because from experience, as soon as the year loses it's sparkle, so will my commitment to the projects.

What are we to do then?
I already have plans for some of my projects, others I'm still working on or yet to sort out the details of. Due to the uncertainty on the job front, some I can not project to far into the future, but wherever possible, the plans are for the year.

Wait, I lied...
I did have one resolution - To start going to church regularly, and I made it the first Sunday. Last Sunday I couldn't since I was out of town. But this is one I know I can't tire of as I tire of counting the days into the new year.

What's new?
On the health and fitness front, my friends and I have FINALLY started working as a group to motivate each other to lose weight. There are currently 5 of us, weight ranging from 65 to 115kg, quite a difference, hey? But the bottomline is that we all want to drop some serious poundage and we need each other to cheer us along and drag us on days when we don't feel like putting the effort it takes. It's even on a friendly competition level with weekly prizes for the biggest loser, making it even more fun.
The best thing about it is that I know for the next 6 months, at least, I'll get to see my friends very regularly, which is something we have always failed at.

So, here's to a resolutionless but prosperous 2011!

Happy 2011!

2011-01-01T01:08:00.001+02:00

I thank the Lord for blessing me so richly in 2010 and look forward to all the blessings 2011 will bring forth. My health and fitness may not have improved as much as I'd hoped in the past year, but I've learned so much that I'm still thankful for all the attempts I've made. For 2011 I'm going to focus on being the best I can be at all that I do. That's the gift I'm giving myself. Resolutions never seem to work for me, so I'm not making any. Happy New Year to all!

I hate to disappear, but I want to

2010-12-15T07:56:00.001+02:00

I have no idea what happened with my last post (now deleted), but this is what it was supposed to be:

Blogging. Love it. Love reading other blogs even more, I think. So I do that more than I write on my won blog.

So, I've been around blog world for quite some time now. And around the healthiness/weight loss/fitness blogging circles, I've realized there's a trend; Most bloggers, like almost all, who have reached their goals and are now in maintenance, or are near their goal, started blogging after losing some. And then those bloggers who started blogging when they started their journeys...those are mostly blogging away day after day, or skipping days or weeks in between, but are not getting far in their journeys. That is just my observation and may not be absolutely accurate, but if I'm right, does anyone know why that is?

I find it very interesting. Especially because it applies to me.

Anyway, like the title says, I hate to disappear. But I want to leave, to stop blogging for a while. I want to go away and work on myself privately. I will start blogging publicly again when I have lost a significant amount of weight. An amount that I won't only see on the scale or by how my clothes fit, but where by I'd have to stop wearing some of my clothes because they are too big. I want to come back to blogging when I know I'm making some real progress.

I love blogging, so it'll be quite a reward to work towards.

So, see you later.

Have a merry christmas and a great new year! What gifts are you giving yourselves this coming year?

Modern technology

2010-11-24T14:14:00.000+02:00

Thankful
I'm sooo thankful for modern technology that has reunited me old old friends that I've always known will be friends for life. Even during the lulls I knew they were there among the stars as I was there amongst their stars - isn't that what friends are, each other's twinkling stars.
I've missed you, I miss you and hopefully one day we'll be in the same room again.

Back to the grind

2010-11-22T17:14:00.000+02:00

Thankful
I'm thankful for support systems and systems in general that allow me to take a break from the regular stuff once in a while. I managed to get time off work and my family cared for my son, so I was able to drive off into neighbouring South Africa for some fun time. I enjoyed every minute of it, from the ride down (it helped that I didn't drive at all except when I had to park the car at the border on the way back) to the down time in the hotel room. Fun times. We need to do that more.

T'was my birthday!

2010-11-18T00:26:00.001+02:00

I'm thankful for life, and love in all it's forms.

Personal transport

2010-11-16T22:00:00.001+02:00

I'm thankful for my little car that gets me where I want to go when I want to go. It's easy to take having a car for granted, but it just takes a single day without it and having to use public transport to appreciate it. Add bad weather and you appreciate your car tons more. The only down side to driving is that it decreases your chances of 'naturally' incorporating physical exercise into your life. So, in appreciation of my car, and myself, I will drive whenever I need to, but I'll really think about whether I need to drive or not before I turn the ignition on.

Excitement

2010-11-15T16:55:00.001+02:00

Thankful
I'm thankful that I am so 'young at heart' and so easily excited. I'm extremely excited about my birthday on Wednesday, and perhaps even more excited about the christmas season coming up. Seeing all the decorations already up in the stores and malls has me giddy. I can't wait till I can decorate my house. I'll do it on the 25th (American Thanksgiving day) when I'm off of work.

I'm taking 3 days off this week to celebrate my birthday!! I have a lot planned, including an out of town trip where I'll be on the look out for new christmas decorations for the house. Why isn't everyone around me as excited as I am about christmas?? Of course it's only one day, BUT there's a whole season around it. I started seeing the first decorations this year in October, that's at the very least 2.5 months in advance of the day, and you want to tell me it only 1 day? I'll always be a little girl when it comes to christmas, and can only hope that my kids will love it as much as I do.

Anyway, on the regular stuff...I'm still taking my hiatus. Enjoying everyday without much worries. I have overdone the last few days but have given myself permission not to beat myself up about it. In the process I've learned how to make the most amazing pizza. I've had pizza from a thousand places the world over, but believe me when I say I have never tasted any as great as what I made on Friday. I also baked some chewy cookies that my son absolutely loves and will be getting often. Tonight I'm making some moroccan chicken curry to go with rice. It's a Weigh Less recipe that I love and have made several times already.

As for gym I'll go when I get back from my little trip. I'm sure there'll be lots of walking on that trip which should prime me for starting regular work outs.

Other than that, I'm constantly thinking about how I should give myself the next 2 years of my life, 33rd to 35th birthday to live my best life while attempting to find the real me. Be more feisty and just enjoy life more. I'm sure going to attempt to live more. Just have to come up with a plan, and it's probably time I made up my bucket list...

Half day Fridays!!

2010-11-12T13:05:00.000+02:00

Thankful
I'm thankful that on Fridays I get to go home (or rather leave work) at 1.30pm. I cherish these few hours off because, other than holidays, it's the perfect time to do things I can only do on week days, that otherwise I would not have a chance to do. Usually I find myself getting home later than I do on other days, but with what I would have accomplished in comparison (personal matters, not work), it's okay. Today I don't have lots of plans though, just going home and playing with my son since he's not at school today.

Double benefits

2010-11-11T19:48:00.001+02:00

I'm thankful for the privilege to benefit from both my country's and American holidays. This means that I get about twice as many days off of work, not charged to me, as the average person in the country. This, and the half day Fridays are some of the top things I'll miss about this jobs when I leave. *The day was very productive, I'm pleased*

Inside information

2010-11-10T17:23:00.000+02:00

Thankful
I'm thankful to be privy to news that has me sooo excited before the general population knows! The next Gaborone Marathon will be in April next year, so I get to have a head start in my training --- because I want to run at least the 4 or 5K, whichever one they do. I'm so excited for it.

Yep, that means I got a jolt to get off of my tush and start the C25K. I soooo want to run the 5K next year. This year I walked with my son in the stroller, and it was hard. But next year I'm determined to run. So, I'm going back to the gym immediately following my birthday and hitting the treadmill. It is the oddest thing that I can go to gym just to hop on the treadmill, yet I have one of my own, and a pretty good one too. Somehow I just can't summon the motivation to use it anymore. In the past few weeks I've considered loaning it to my mom, because what's the point of having it occupying valuable space while she could make good use of it? Think I'll have to think that through again because I may just want to use it at times when I can't make gym.

Ohhh, please please let this training for the marathon finally be my ticket to getting serious and making some progress... I am going to ride it as much as possible, and God knows I'm soo ready for some progress.

The rainy season is here

2010-11-09T16:40:00.001+02:00

I'm thankful for the rain that has come to relieve us of the heat that had descended so unrelentingly upon us. If it just keeps on raining while we sleep or don't need to be out-doors then I'm all for it. Woza malam'lela! Pula!

Great weekend, or not...

2010-11-08T16:12:00.000+02:00

Thankful
I'm thankful for nice, restful weekends. They are rare, so when one comes along it is truly cherished.

After our weekend plans fell through on Saturday, we resolved to not make any new plans and just use the weekend to sort of recharge and get some much-needed rest. I only left the house 2 times between Saturday and Sunday. Once to get a very necessary ingredient for a recipe, and then to make the weekly grocery run.

Rest we did. It was quiet, if you discount the constant chatter of a 2 year old, and we really enjoyed being in-doors the whole time.

Of course, there's a down side to all of this. That recipe for which I had to get an ingredient - really bad-for-your-heart stuff. And we ate, ate, ate. And we drank, drank, drank. Both soft and hardish. We concluded the weekend with a very late supper, which comprised of brunch-like foods. So, there you have it. A weekend of zero activity, and high consumption.

That means, weight was up this morning, obviously. I stress too much about my weight. I think about it all the time, and yet I'm not making any progress at all. Somehow I always self-sabotage if I make even the smallest progress. Could it be because par fo me misses something when I do lose? Ugh, I don't get it.

Anyway, this is what I'm thinking. Between now and my birthday I'm giving myself a chance to just exist without worrying about what I weigh. I will not worry what every move I make means to my weight status. I will just be, and I'll see what happens. No, this is not an excuse to over-indulge, not at all. I'll go to gym when I feel especially moved to go, I will not force myself. I will feed my body nutritiously, not with junky substances. And on the morning of my birthday I will see if I have gained or not. That's all. Not a plan really, just letting go for a bit.

I've been baking

2010-11-05T09:10:00.000+02:00

Thankful
I am thankful for all the things that I may take for granted on a day to day basis. A roof over my head, air conditioning - a total necessity in this heat, a car to take me places whenever I want, clean water, food, electricity, a well-functioning body. And just about enough money for me to afford the basics. And my job, for as long as I have it.

So I've been baking. A lot. Even during the week. My downfall has been food blogs. I browse around and often I come something that looks just irresistible and easy to make. So I bring out the recipe, make sure I have all the right ingredients and I go to town. So, far I've been successful with each single recipe. My latest was a rich fruit cake that turned out very well, and everyone who got a taste of it was just raving about it. Which means I'm not so bad. But, it also means that my 'taster' will suffer the consequences of this incessant baking. Guess who the taster is??

Myself, of course.

Another 'confession'? I haven't been to gym at all this week. Excuse, after excuse, after excuse. Some really legitimate, but others, not so much. And I just won't dwell on it, what's the point?

And last, at least for today... I have decided not to renew my Weigh-Less membership at the moment. I have not been following the plan properly and know I can't fool myself thinking another 3 months membership right now will make me make a 180. I told my online group leader that I will resume as soon as I feel that I'm ready to make the commitment.

Where does that leave me?
Struggling of course, recycling the same 5 pounds over and over. But it also leaves me with a resolve to not gain any more than that 5 pounds above my lowest this year. I'd love to be losing of course, but in the absence of losses, maintaining is acceptable. Not weight gain. I'm not motivated right now to chase the numbers down, though there are motivators left, right and centre, but I'm determined to continue eating healthily, and move as much as possible.

I am thankful

2010-11-04T08:56:00.000+02:00

My birthday month is also thanksgiving month for Americans. Ever since I discovered Thanksgiving day, I've wished that it was something we celebrated here. But fortunately, there's no reason why I can't just choose to celebrate along with the Americans, and also I've always worked in organizations originating from the US, hence working with Americans and getting to celebrate along with them holidays that I would otherwise maybe not aware of.

Anyway, I have so much to be thankful for. When I look around myself, I can see that I am truly blessed. I am blessed first of all by having been born into this country. Peace, tranquility, stability. I can't imagine being from elsewhere.

I've decided that for the rest of the month I'm going to post a blog saying what I'm thankful for that day. One or two or more things. I'm even getting ahead of myself right now thinking of all the things that bring me joy, make life easier, and just plain make me glad to be me.

I'm looking forward to doing this and wish I had started on the first.

First: I am thankful that I am aware of, and I am able to celebrate, Thanksgiving this month along with my American friends. I am thankful for this platform to celebrate all the great things, and not so great things that help me grow in to a better person day after day.

Birthday month

2010-11-01T16:05:00.001+02:00

Another November. I turn 33 this year. 33 used to sound ancient, but now it feels just ok. I don't feel old at all, and people close to me have tried to convince me that I don't look older than my age, I don't know if I'm convinced.

I remember my 22nd birthday, 11 years ago. I treated myself to a pizza in my dorm room, after weighing myself and telling myself I was going to lose weight and be fit and trim by my 23rd birthday. Those I think were the most confused years of my life. I worked out, come rain, shine or snow, if you may. But I also ate probably more than I ever have in my whole life. I'm telling you, living in the US is the worst thing that has ever happened to me 'weight-wise'. What I can't figure out is why I kept both contradicting behaviours? Weird even to me.

This morning I looked at a note book I kept 2 years ago. I weighed close to 10 pounds less than I do today. Very odd since for the past two years I've been trying to lose weight. I guess I'm your typical yo-yo. I lose some and I gain some and guess which is more??

Anyway. October was my worst month since I re-embarked on this journey a few months ago. I gained weight overall. But that's fine, because I can not undo it. It's what I do from now on that matters. So I have to sit with myself and set things straight. Plan. And do.

I'll be 33 in 16 days.

I'm back

2010-10-22T14:46:00.000+02:00

I flew back home last night and was pleased to be back. I always miss my son so much when I travel. And he was happy to see me as well.

I don't know what switch flipped overnight, but the poor thing woke up with a freaky fever this morning. Had to miss work to take him to see the doctor - he assures that he'll be ok soon. But seeing him being so different from his usual bubbly naughty self is so sad. I pray that it passes sooner than we think.

As for me, I did very well on my trip. No gain yet again. I think I'm getting the hang of this travelling thing. I just wonder whatever made me think that being on the road gives me an excuse to stop taking care of myself... Anyway, I'm glad that I finally got it. And guess what, I've realized that I eat even better when travelling now than I do at home. I suppose not having the food there waiting to be eaten should I choose is very helpful. I buy only what I need and that's all I eat, whereas at hoem I can always munch on something from the fridge, or even whip something up.

As planned I did not exercise at all while I've been away. I did miss it a lot though. However, my foot pain is still there in the background. I can tell that a walk on the treadmill would have me limping again, so what do I do? It's probably time I got help for it. But being where I am, I know the best I'll be getting maybe pain killers. When will our part of the world reach world standard in that area, I wonder. Oh well, we just have to deal.

The weekend is here, and though there is so much I could do - US Mission sports day, friend of a friend's wedding, boyfriend's cousins reunion, trip to Jwaneng - I don't feel like I'll end of doing any of it. I think I'll end up just home looking after my son. Yeah, I think I have my priorities right.

It will be a good weekend though. If anyone reads this, have a good one yourself.

Away

2010-10-20T13:20:00.001+02:00

I'm away on a work trip since yesterday, going back home tomorrow, just on time to surprise my mom on her birthday - I told them all I'll be back Friday, and I have a very cool surprise lined up. As for me, I wrote that I can feel myself slipping in that post that I lost last week. My food intake had taken a wrong turn and I was eating more and more, also more of the unhealthy stuff. Now on this work trip I've planned out my meals such that despite hotel buffet breakfast and take out lunches and suppers, I'm eating relatively very well. As for exercise, I started skipping days last week, mostly because I was avoiding cycling. I've never been a fan, but since my ankle is taking it's sweet time to heal I can't do the treadmill. So, I decided that I'm going to take this week off while I'm away to let my ankle rest and hopefully heal completely so that I can go back to gym in full force. I've been missing moving though! Anyway, seeing this monitoring visit to the end tomorrow then flying back home to resume my life as usual.

Aahh

2010-10-15T22:24:00.001+02:00

When I labour to type a post from my phone, then I lose it before posting... Too much. I did well today, despite all odds. Following that disaster with the lost post I don't feel like typing out any more.

A Lesson in Perserverance

2010-10-13T14:07:00.000+02:00

I got this in a forwarded email from a friend this morning:

Have you ever observed the behaviour of birds in the face of adversity?

For days and days they make their nests, sometimes gathering materials brought from far away.
And when they have completed the nest and are ready to lay eggs, the weather, the work of humans or some animal destroys it, and it falls to the ground - all that they have done with so much effort.

Do they stop?
Bewildered and leave the work?

No way. They start over. building the nest again and again until they have eggs in the nest again.

Sometimes, and very often before the chicks are hatched, an animal, a child, or a storm destroys the nest once again, but this time with its valuable contents.

It hurts to go back to begin again...Even so, the birds do not ever stop. They continue to sing and build, and singing and building.

Do you sometimes get the feeling that your life, or work, or family isnot what you had dreamed? Do you sometimes want to say, 'Enough! The effort is not worthwhile, it is all too much for me'?

Are you tired of it all? Do you feel that the daily struggle is a waste of time, your trust has been betrayed, your goals not realised just as you were about to get there?

Life strikes you down sometimes, but do you go on, say a prayer, put your faith in hope, not darkness? Do not worry if you get injured in the battle, that is to be expected. Gather yourself together, rebuild your life, so that it runs well again.

No matter what happens...Do not shrink, but move forward. Life is a constant challenge, but it is worthwhile to accept it. And never stop singing.

Motivation much?? Definitely. And just at the right time because I've been feeling that I'm letting go just a bit. My evening meals need serious re-evaluation. And I need to revert to my old strength training schedule since the new one is not working - I end up avoiding parts of it - meaning I'm not doing enough.

So, rebuilding and singing.

Monday blogger

2010-10-12T17:35:00.000+02:00

So, it appears I have become a Monday blogger... I post a blog on a Monday, with the intention of posting regularly thereafter. However, time just gets away from and I find myself under pressure to post again the next Monday because if I start going beyond a week without blogging then I might as just stop. Actually, honestly, deep down I just feel like stopping, but I also want to have at least part of story down to reflect on one day in the future.

Anyway, I'm still ok. My foot isn't fully healed yet, so I've been cycling like a mad woman. I would take walking over cycling any day, but since I'm trying to keep as much as possible off of my foot I don't have a choice but to cycle. I then lift, push and pull before heading home. I can feel myself becoming stronger since I've been lifting heavier weights and using higher resistance on the bike though I'm keep pretty much the same speed.

But, oh, my music is quickly becoming stale. My current playlist has been so overused that I seriously need to come up with a new one. Will find a way. Some of the tunes still get me going hard though. I'm sure they're all time favourites that I'll keep even when I make up a new playlist anyway.

News about my son!
He's started sings songs from school, with the rhythm and hand gestures and all. Just too bad we have no idea what he's singing. The poor baby is having such a difficult time becoming fluent. It makes me very sad to see when he tries to say something and I can't understand and he keeps trying until eventually he kind of hangs his head - in shame, sadness, embarassment? It's really sad. I read about it, and really hoped it won't happen to him, but it's here. The best I can do is to pray that his 'tongue unravels' soon and he can talk to his little heart's content.

Oh, weekends and holidays...
Week days are great for healthy eating. I pack my food and that's all I eat. In the evenings, as long as I have my meals prepared ahead of time I'm pretty much good. When I have to cook first I can be trapped into having a little something while I cook, and that can get out of hand pretty fast. But then weekends, and those week days when I don't have to go to work are crazy. You know may be I should start packing my food as though I am going to work and keep to that only all day. But being around the house most of the day really does not help. It's even worse when I have to run errands and meal time or hunger finds me somewhere far from home. It's so easy to fall into temptation when you have to buy a meal. Yesterday was a very serious example of how quickly things can go wrong despite all good intentions at the beginning. The things I ate I hadn't eaten in quite a while and I fell hard onto them. But hey, moving on, today has been great!

Ha ha. I really hope to post again before Monday!

To blog or not to blog

2010-10-04T22:51:00.000+02:00

Well, I guess the answer is to blog. But seeing as I'm on my phone and formatting is non-existent, it'll be short. It's been yet another blogless week, yet again totally unintentional. Been busy - song of the season. But really, though I've read my fair share of blogs last week I never had the time to string words together for a post of my own. Anyway, now that I'm here, what do I blog about? My injured ankle that I'm still going to gym in spite of? My bingeing on the mint-peanut butter cookies that my sister made? My pushing through and going to gym though I'm not feeling it because of my absence most of last week? The fact that I'm bench-pressing 7.5 kg dumb-bells unassisted? Yep, there's much to tell, but this post just won't cut it. I'll have a better time telling it all with a proper editor. So till then, this should be better than nothing...

2010-10-04T22:46:00.001+02:00

So much to do, so little time

2010-09-27T15:31:00.000+02:00

That is exactly why I have not posted a blog since last Monday. I've found myself starting a post on my phone a couple of times over the weekend but an incoming call or the need to make a quick before I'm ready to post and I would have to discard the post...(yeah, that's what you get for using a cheapo phone).

Anyway, I've been ok. I mean it could have been worse in many ways.

Exercise
I'm seriously rocking the gym people! Even I can't believe myself sometimes. Ok, last week I had to miss Thursday and Friday because I had unavoidable commitments. BUT, I went to gym both Saturday and Sunday and did more than I was scheduled to do. I mean, who does step exercises during weight-lifting breaks?? It was intense, and I was sweating for a while after leaving the gym both days.

I'm so proud of myself. I can feel myself getting fitter and fitter...managing speeds I couldn't before, cycling faster at higher resistances, lifting heavier weights, and heck, I can do the plank now. And I don't mean just raising myself off the floor for a couple of seconds only before falling on my face. The background is that I've always had a weak core, and it's been worse since my car accident some years ago. I couldn't lift myself off the floor at all at the beginning of the month, but I've been working on it and now I'm so much better. I can only look forward to being even fitter.

Food
If my dedication to food was as strong as my dedication to exercise, I would be so much further in my journey. I am trying to follow the Weigh-Less plan. I mean I paid for the plan and I report my weight and receive a motivational speech (written) every week. (There is no Weigh-Less group here so they're doing an online version).

However, for some reason I do very well during the day at work - said a thousand times before, but then when I get home it's a different story. Well, not really. I don't eat too much a lot of the time, I don't binge. But I eat more than I should. I eat things outside my plan. The thing though is that the Weigh-Less plan is as easy as they come, It really does not restrict what you eat at all. It works by controlling the ratio and amount of food types you eat. And it has worked for soo many people. I'm just wondering what it will take for me to finally do exactly what I'm supposed to do.

Rationalization
I lose a little each week, sometimes I gain, but overall I'm losing. Very slowly. I want to lose faster than I am. But I fail to follow eating plan perfectly. So I don't lose as much. I find myself rationalizing this fact like this: I can't follow the Weigh-Less eating plan to the letter except fi I really force myself. So following it strictly and losing weight faster only means if I do I will end up gaining it back...
Does that make any sense at all? Sometimes I feel like it does. Other times I think I'm just crazy.

For now, I'm just doing my best where I can, the rest will follow. Currently on a work trip, I depend on hotel buffet breakfast and take out or restaurant the rest of the day. I've challenged myself to actually lose this week.
We'll see.

Happy Monday!

2010-09-20T17:12:00.000+02:00

Another chance to start over IF you've been having trouble staying on plan; if by mid-week you'd started forgetting to follow your plan; if the weekend made you do things you wouldn't be caught doing doing the week, etc. etc.

Guess what?! This Monday is for me to continue doing great, because I have been doing great. I mean seriously, I go to the gym on Sunday mornings, who am I?!!

I'm sure I've said it before that I am a fan of physical activity. I love my gym time. It can take some inner power at times to get me there, but once I arrive I surprise even myself. Example being last Thursday. I wasn't feeling like going and didn't go until an hour adn a half later than my usual time, and I thought all I would do would be a bit of walking and may be cycling. But I finished my whole program for the day and even did more cardio at the end! I was amazed at myself. I rock.

I plan to follow the same plan only until the end of the month, then I'll mix it up for October and probably do the same each month. You know, just to keep my body guessing.

Now if I can just see the results of this walking and cycling and getting nowhere, and lifting heavy things for no reason at all! lol.

Well, I'm off to do more walking and lifting, maybe pulling and cycling too.

Food blogs

2010-09-15T17:07:00.000+02:00

I love food blogs!
With their nicely arranged and colourful food pictures and step by step recipes sometimes.
Oh, I love food blogs. I could look through food blogs all day!
The pictures are just out there, like they make me want to eat the food right there and then. Thank goodness they are not actual displays of food or there would be hell to pay.
I happened to come across a couple of new (to me) food blogs the other day and they just blew me away. Especially From Apples to Zucchini. I absolutely LOVE her. She's taken the best recipes out there and made them over to suit her healthy lifestyle. So, it was quite an adventure going through her archives looking for new recipes to try.
But then the archives go way back to before she started her new lifestyle, back when she made the recipes with all the fat and sugar, etc. that they called for. In that part of her blog I happened upon a very easy recipes for 'doughnut muffins'. So I thought I'll just print it out fo rmy little sister to try. And yesterday when I got in from work they were done. I couldn't resist, and ended up with 3 going down my throat in the course of one evening! They were good, but I will definitely stay in the more recent section of that blog if I want to maintain my own healthy lifestyle!
You should check this blog out, the best recipes out there if you're out for something decadent but low calorie.

Then this morning I was just craving a cheese puff pie, and couldn't resist. Got one, enjoyed it in place of my lunch and snacks. Not on plan but planned into my day any way. Oh well.

Another Monday

2010-09-13T17:19:00.000+02:00

Lost!
Knocking off and ready to leave work but thought I should post that I lost 2.4 lbs this past week! Well deserved too, if I say so myself.

I worked out everyday last week, 7 days straight from Sunday to Saturday! The first 6 days were regular gym with cardio and weights each visit, and Saturday I participated in a 5K charity walk. I intend to carry on the same way this week.

Food has been ok. Following my Weigh-less plan to the T all the time, except I have extras from time to time, and weekends I don't want to lie. I just try to keep things moderate but don't keep to the plan. I think as long as I'm losing it's ok to do that to avoid out and out binges.

After the walk on Saturday my feet hurt all day, and even on Sunday I felt that the most I could do for cardio was cycle. I had my day planned out with a gym trip at 6 pm, only to have to old friends pay me a surprise visit at 5.20 or so while I was finishing up with meal prep for my suppers this week. So, gym was shot yersterday, but hey, maybe it was the universe's way of telling me I needed a rest day?

Awards and blogs
So, I have 3 awards in total that I still have to pick up! Thanks ladies, I'm so humbled because I don't think I even deserve them, but as soon as I have the time I will stop by to accept them. By the way, I've been reading your blogs but just haven't managed to comment yet. I'm with you, congratulations on all your successes and I'm with you in spirit as you go through the difficult times. Remember 'The Will of God will never take you where The Grace of God will not protect you'

Looking forward to another focused week.

Mission accomplished!

2010-09-11T09:04:00.001+02:00

I just completed a 5K charity walk! I did it pushing my son in his stroller. And it feels great. Now I'm ready to enjoy my weekend! Have a good one.

Doing well

2010-09-10T11:31:00.000+02:00

If only there was no such thing as biscuits... I've been doing pretty for the last week or just over. I've been to the gym every single day, except when I took a rest day like Saturday, and I've been rocking it with both cardio and weights. I'm very proud of myself right now. My eating could also be defined as great, only there are these bad guys called biscuits, or cookies to American friends. They've always been my downfall and I'm sure a large fraction of the fat on my body was manufactured from them. I eat clean all day, then after dinner I just have to have a couple with a hot drink. Last night this happened close to midnight! Unbelievable. Oh well. That was last night, can't undo it, can I? So, though they are not on my plan, I think just a couple or even one every now and then should be useful to stave cravings that could lead to binges. Check the time of day, and make adjustments to prior and it should be fine, no? Today I'm using a new phone and I'd just like see how this post will appear. If it works then it might mean more regular posts on the blog!

Alive and kicking

2010-09-09T17:16:00.000+02:00

It's been a whole week and a day! Everyday I want to post but time just runs away from me.

Well, just know I am not only alive and kicking, but I'm also doing much much better than I have in quite a while. Even I'm in awe of how well I am doing!

And I'm happy. Good times.

Someone said...

2010-09-02T10:33:00.000+02:00

'Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard.' I rest my case.

The questions are, how to stay the course, how not to get discouraged, how not to seem to obsess, how to stay in the right state of mind without feeling like going crazy at times?!
I'm telling you, everyday of my life, for the longest time, I think about my weight issues, it almost feels like an obsession. Will it ever end? The worst thing is that when I look at the mirror, and that is very often as I'm not the kind to shy away from seeing all the grossness, I focus on what I think is my most troublesome spots, the parts that I wish would change before everything else. How do I stop being drawn to the worst bits and start focusing on what I love?

I've walked, I've run, I've kicked and boxed, tae-boed, and done various other routines I've picked up along the way. I've dieted, low fat, low carb, liquids, cabbage soup, fruits and veges, even if I only lasted less than half a day on some. Yet, here I am, stilll way far from what should be my goal weight. I've lost soooo much weight over the years - I'm sure if I had the figures and calculated all that I lost, I'd find I lost all of me plus more. But I've kept gaining back, gaining more that I initially lost.

I was a skinny child, started gaining as a teen and kept gaining. I've always been fit, as fat as I've been. But not anymore. When I was pregnant with my son I gained an obscene amount of weight, which I vowed to lose before he turned 1. He's now going on 30 months old, that's 18 months past my goal time.

I want to blame my now sedentary lifestyle, most due to my job. I want to blame the pregnancy --- it did bring the cravings though. And I want to blame my life situation - living far from work, traffic, gym time vs, quality time with my son. But I know that I can make it work if I tried hard enough.

What do I want? Do I want to stay this way? There's a lot that I'm holding off till I've lost the weight; but I'm not making much progress so am I never going to do or try those things ever?

Life is hard. It's hard. My 33rd birthday is in a few weeks (November). I have everything I NEED. I have a lot going for me. There's much more that I WANT, which I know I'll eventually get. But because of my weight issues I feel stuck.

STUCK. Like I'm not going anywhere. Everything is at a stand-still until that's done, but it's not getting done well enough. What do I do about that?

I try. What more should I do to stay the course? To stay motivated?

Rough times

2010-09-01T17:21:00.000+02:00

Ugh. Ok, so I have issues. But I was ok all day yesterday, then I was feeling a bit anxious in the evening. Then I listened to a stupid radio programme that just made things worse. I cried myself to sleep. Well, I cried on my pillow, but couldn't sleep. So I got up and watched Big Brother until 2 am.
I tried drinking warm milk to help me sleep, a whole cup. And I ate 2 slices of bread with it, one with PB and the other with cream cheese. My dinner had been half a cream donut and half a pizza. Both yummy but so not necessary in my life.
Anyway, I feel better today. And so far I've done better.

Friend Makin' Mondays (On Tuesday)

2010-08-31T09:43:00.000+02:00

I happened upon this while doing the rounds on blogland and I liked. If you'd like to participate visit Kenz's blog and link up.

My answers are mostly related to this journey, but that's what you want to hear, right? Here goes...

I like... that despite being on a work trip and not being able to eat decently I managed to maintain.
I don't like... that I did not put on more of an effort to lose weight last week.
I love... that today is another day, this is a new week and I get another chance to improve my health and my life in general.

I dream of... a happy secure future.

I wonder... what I will be doing this time next year. Don't know yet what I'll do after thsi project ends.

I know... things will always work out for the best. The Will of God will never take ME, where the Grace of God can not protect ME.

I went... shopping for plain yogurt, baby marrows and chicken breast yesterday to beef up this week healthy food supplies.

I have... everything I need right now. What I want is a whole other issue. Material things that is.

I think... will eventually achieve my fitness goals, even if it is not apparent right now.
I plan... to rock my personal challenge running from tomorrow till the end of the year. Check side bar.

I regret... not trying harder and sticking with my plan each time I attempted to lose weight. Leaving my pervious job.
I do... not stick to my budget as much as I should, wish I did.

I drink... Rooibos with Equal (good for me), even though I'd love cofffee (not so good).

I wish... I didn't have to come into work this morning. I was absolutely tired. Honestly, I wish I didn't have to work at all.
I am... a mother. Sometimes I wonder how I got there. Despite how much I love my son. And I'm tearing up thinking it right now.

I am not... perfect.

I need... peace of mind.
I graduated... from 2 universities on 2 different continents.

I hope... my plans for the rest of this year are successful. The big plans.
I want... a great life. I will have it.

I sometimes... wish I lived elsewhere, where things are easier to get by.

I always... hope for the best. I'm very optimistic.

I can... promise that I'm getting in my work out today.

I work... in the HIV/AIDS field

I cannot... imagine what my life would be like without all the experiences I've had.

I avoid... people that make me feel less.

I will... plan and follow through.

Go for it, check out Kenz and discover new bloggies!

Recovering...

2010-08-25T13:35:00.000+02:00

Better at last

Thanks for the well wishes, I'm feeling much much better today. Most of the nose/nostrils stuff is gone, so just a bit of a cough left.

However, short as it was, the yuckiness set me back a few paces. I haven't weighed myself since my Monday weigh in, but I know I've probably picked up upwards of a pounds in the past couple of days. The first thing to go was my water. When you have a cold you don't want to drink anything unless it's warm. I did sip on quite a few cups of Med Lemon and Tea, but usually I drink up to or even more than 2 litres of water on top of any water I take otherwise, as in teas, coffee and other drinks. Cold and cough syrups are just that, syrup. Throat lozenges and cough drops - sugar. So, yeah, there was a lot of sugar in my life this week. And then there's the recklessness that comes when you're not really yourself, extra slice of bread with extra cream cheese here, extra rice on the plate, etc.

I'm currently gathering my senses and moving on. No use crying over spilt milk.

Travelling

I'm glad I'm so much better because this evening I'm off on a work trip. Last time I was at the place I'm going to I got a terrible cold, so it would seem I'm always sick when I'm over there. After work on Friday I'm going over to my grand parents' and will fly back only on Sunday. I'm definitely going to miss my little boy.

Travelling and eating - never been good together for me. I've been trying to work out in my head what I should eat for each meal while I'm out there to avoid another gain. This week I was only 0.6 lbs up, but these little numbers just add up the way they do when you're losing. So, I'm really going to try and avoid splurges and follow my plan to the best of my ability given the circumstances.

I'll be busy the rest of the week, so I may not be able to catch up till next week, but I'll do what I can.

Till next time... may be sooner than you think.

I am sick...

2010-08-23T08:27:00.000+02:00

Goodness, I have no idea why I even came into work today. I have the grandmother of all colds. I had a terrible weekend due to this cold and I still feel absolutely horrible.
It everything really, the sore itchy throat, the blocked, yet runny nostrils, the fuzzy head, the painful cough. And I just want to sleep and wake up ok. I've taken all sorts of medication over the weekend, but I'm far from better, what to do.
And you can imagine the added calories from all the syrupy medicines, the cough drops, the soups. Sies. I have yet to weigh myself for this week's weigh in to see if any damage is evident yet.
I'm meaking the decision to take today off sick. I am sick.

The weekend is here!

2010-08-20T14:18:00.000+02:00

And I'm excited, because these next two days I will be free to do whatever I want, without having to be in this office or wandering between the office and the labs for 8 hours each day!

It's been a good week. One of my best weeks in a little while actually. My eating has been on plan except relatively very few times in the evenings when I got home. Somehow, I feel the need to have a snack after supper most days, and on really good days it's only a cup of tea or coffee. Anyway, I'm praying that I'll be able to control myself this weekend, and then I'll be in for my reward (a loss on the scale) on Monday!

Exercise has been ok, I haven't walked on the treadmill evey morning as I intended, but I've gone outside for my walks and even walked in the evening to compensate for missed mornings. So, really not bad at all.

This weekend will see me signing up for membership of the Gaborone Sun Executive Health club. Which means I'll be able to use their gym, pool and courts. But of course I'll only use the gym coz I don't swim, and neither do I play ball sports. It's a relatively small gym, but I plan to milk it as much as possible, going later in the evening to dodge the after work crowd.

On the food end, I've finally been granted access to Step 3 of the Weigh-Less programme, meaning my choices are now much wider. I received a 24 page (I think, maybe it's larger) booklet of food lists from which I can make selections and make up my own recipes. For starters I'm going to stick with what I know. May be later I will be more adventurous and try other recipes.

So, next week I have the new menu plan, and gym to go to after work. Excited yet? Ugh, just hope it gives the boost that I so need right now.

Have a great weekend! I plan to.

The Versatile Blogger Award

2010-08-18T14:13:00.000+02:00

Thank you, Traci!

Thanks very much Traci for giving this award! Traci blogs over at Traci's Treasures, if you haven't been over you should check her out. I especially love her '10 on Tuesdays'!

The award rules are:
1. Thank the person giving the award - I have, above and as a comment on the awarding post, Thanks again Traci!
2. Share 7 things about yourself - To follow below
3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs - Will do, I believe newly discovered does not new, right?
4. Let the nominees know about the award - Sure, I'll be doing the rounds around blogland I guess!

Well, here goes:

First, the nominees:
1. From Fat to Fab
2. No trying, just doing!
3. Black Girl Gets Fit
4. Previously Plump... In Progress
5. Skinnie Emmie
6. Fight Fat Phobia
7. I go through life in inches and pounds
8. [238] and Shrinking
9. For Real, This Time!
10. Necessary Imperfections
11. The Incredible Shrinking Gal Baby
12. Corletta: It's a new year...no more EXCUSES!
13. Lose Weight? Me? Really?
14. Fat Girl To Thin
15. Deeply Rooted

Ok, I have to admit that I had to 'discover' some new blogs for this post. But hey, it was so worth it, because I've found so many inspirational blogs that I can't wait to go through!

7 things about myself
Let's make this short and painless...

1. I'm a single mother of a 2 year old son (well, 2 and 5 months and 2 days)
2. I've been overweight since my very early teens - like 11 - 12
3. I've spent at least a weekend in big international cities including New York, Washington DC, Toronto, London, Paris, Montreal, and Johannesburg
4. I've lived in the US, the UK and Africa
5. I don't have one best friend, instead I have a circle of best friends
6. I love comedy shows
7. I love travelling and I would absolutely live for it if I had the money
Bonus: I currently do not have a passport - it's expired and I've been lazy to apply for a new one. You can tell I haven't travelled internationally for a bit.

That was easier than I thought! The 15 above will be hearing about this nomination in the next few days.

On other news, I've been frustrated with the scale lately - a new one! Actually, I think I'll save this for another post.

Till then...

My mom's question

2010-08-16T18:25:00.000+02:00

This past week was so-so; I woke up early for a walk 4 times, including outside once, I mostly ate well, especially during the day while I was at work. The evenings were a bit different, and so was the weekend. So, where I was down more than a pound on Friday, I only returned a 0.8lb loss this morning.

So, I'm registering the 0.8lbs and moving on to bigger and better things.

What my mom asked...
I've said a few times before that my mom's house is one of the worst places for me in terms of eating. No, it's not really my mom's fault, but of course she's been known to offer me foods that are absolutely bad for me and I shouldn't eat often or in large amonuts. Anyway, whenever I'm at my mom's house I just have to get to the kitchen and find stuff to eat. I suppose it's just residual from when I was growing up and eating uncensored.

So, I was over at the house. And while I was eating some 'bad for me' food all the while lamenting how I shouldn't be eating off plan, my mom asked me why I am bothering to 'diet' because I always go off plan anyway! I wasn't shocked at all, because to a bystander it really is a valid question.

Well, it was easy to answer --- I'm not dieting, I'm trying to create a sustainable healthy lifestyle. It's still a little difficult but hopefully with time I will be able to get it and maintain it. I can only try from day to day, and if I find myself doing things or eating things that do not fully support the lifestyle I'm aiming for, tomorrow is another day and I can try again. Actually, my next meal I get to do better! Second, can you imagine what I would weigh if I ate this way all the time?

I hope she got it. To me, every little bit counts. If I falter I know a little compensation later on will make a difference. No matter how long I can lose my path to a healthy lifestyle, I will always come back. Because really, what's the alternative, gaining even more weight? Nope, I'm not having any of that. I'd rather stay where I am by being on and off my path (not intentional), rather than stay off forever and end up........ I don't even know how to end that sentence. Woudl you complete it for me?

Finally

2010-08-09T17:28:00.000+02:00

My first loss in 4 weeks - 2.4 lbs! Could've been better, but it's more than good enough and I'll take it any day over a gain or maintain. Things were starting to get really scary, like I'll never be able to recover, but I finally put my foot down and:

1. Started walking on my treadmill every week day morning before work
2. Following the Weigh-Less menu plans for all meals.

And I got the pay off!

Too bad weekends happen
Yep. Every five days we take a 2 day break from work and/or school. Who came up with this idea?? Why is it that 2 day break has to become a break from being purposely active and following a healthy lifestyle? I mean, seriously, who needs a break from their own lifestyle?

But really, seriously...
Weekends do not have to change our lifestyle. Not going to work does not mean meal times have to change, it does not mean meal contents have to change, neither does it mean I have to skip my work out. I can always compensate for the little indulgences I 'have to have' over the weekend. If I sleep in and skip the morning work out - do something else later; take my son for a walk outside, anything. If I have to eat out, at a restaurant, party, friend's or relative's house, I can still make the best choices by planning ahead. And if I'm bored and feel the need to graze, get up, get out and do something exciting, or just something!

For now, I'll take my 2.4, take to my treadmill and take heed of the Weigh-Less lifestyle guidelines until it all becomes second nature! Can you imagine what a string of 2.4 lbs losses would mean?? If only.

Reunited!

2010-08-02T17:20:00.000+02:00

Me and my treadmill. My treadmill and I. It had been a while. And it was time.

I made up my mind that beginning August, come what may, I'm getting back on the exercise bandwagon. So, last night I made sure everything was ready for the morning. Made sure the power supply extension was ready and laid out my clothes and shoes. Made sure my music was ready, along with the earphones. And when I hit my pillow I knew there was no way I wouldn't do it.

Finally this morning, after the long long hiatus, I got up at 5.30am and hit my treadmill before getting ready for work. It was a sweet reunion, because I thought I would really struggle to get 30 minutes done, but I was just fine. I even 'slogged' for a couple of minutes when just the right jam came around on my playlist. Which makes me believe I could be ready to try C25K again in just a couple of weeks. Can't wait!

All that's left for now is to set up the whole exercise area properly because it has been neglected since we moved. I need to have the tv where I can watch it without craning my neck and maybe twisting a muscle, but for now, the playlists will do just fine.

That's the first of the achievements I aim to amass in August - the goal was simple: start working out. I intend to walk on the treadmill at least every week day in August, with ab and core work to supplement. Then we'll move on from there. The rest of my goals will emerge over the rest of the week.

So, what plans have you made to improve your health and fitness this month?

August

2010-07-30T15:58:00.000+02:00

August has come too soon. Too soon. August is the 8th month of the year, meaning at the end of the month we'll be 3/4 (three quarters) through the year, is that almost believable?

While, I won't go crazy now with the eats with the intention to start over on the 1st of August, I intend to start my own challenge come August. I joined the Summer Slimmin' Challenge hoping that by August 6th I'll have glorious resulst to show, but alas, I'm still where I was when we started. I did well for the first few weeks then totally backtracked. This time I intend to start my own challenge, just for me, one that I do just for myself, all my own goals, adn only myself accountable. That way, hopefully, I will be more inclined to follow through...

Have a nice weekend and see you in August!

Free blog bling is frustrating!

2010-07-27T17:26:00.000+02:00

To say the least! I loved the look of my blog, but then I got a notice that the free background will expire on August 1st...so I went ahead and checked out what else is there. But I still preferred the current (at the time) look of my blog and tried to reinstall it, only to get a plain background - or was it no background at all? Anyway, I tried something else, which didn't work for me. THEN I went back and used the code for my old background, and IT WORKED! That's how excited I was. Until I came back today and we were back to a plain/no background. Well (..sigh..) I suppose unless I pay up I have to find something else...

So, it may be you're looking at a different picture than you've seen if you've been here before, or next time you come you'll find something else. Well, hope I find something I like almost as much as the big and bold flowers I had up before.

Hard, but true

2010-07-26T18:00:00.000+02:00

I had a perfect glutton's weekend this weekend. Looking back, it was really gross, but each time I overindulged, especially in horrific things, I felt justified. I had all the meanies people - between last week and this weekend I had - KFC mini wrap, chicken n chips, pops, Spur rib n wings, crisps, coke (after how long?), ice cream, seconds at home, buttered toast, buttered toast and buttered toast. I just about lost it and didn't care! Can you believe that? Of course I was hungry, out in town, didn't feel like cooking, etc. but I could have made better choices.

It was actually at the back of my mind all the time that I shouldn't be doing that, yet I threw caution to the wind. Even after my gain last week and my intention to 'get back up again' I still went ahead and sabotaged myself. Well, obviously I had another gain. All of 3.6 lbs. In one week! I can wish this is just water, but I know I deserve it just through the extra calories I ingested. And no activity at all.

Well, time to really go back to the drawing board. Make goals and stick with them. Today has been super clean so far. And I'm tracking again.

We fall down...And we get back up again

2010-07-21T17:25:00.000+02:00

Get back up again! Love that song. I can still hear Denise in my head belting it out on stage during a student association dinner back in 2000 or 2001. That girl can sing!!

That song and me
Looking at my track record over the past few weeks, it was inevitable that this day will come. The day when I will report my first gain after so many weeks of ....nothing? Well, let's call it maintenance. I had 7 weeks of weight losses, no matter how minute (talk about a 0.1lb loss), and there is just no way I'm going to dismiss that as a small matter. I did something I've never done before, something that I hope I can keep doing over and over until all my small losses add up to a substantial loss.

So, my car broke down and I had to release my maid who was making my life absolutely miserable, meaning I had to use public transport and/or rely on others and I had to do extra work around the house especially caring for my son. Then we had the holiday month - July's really nice because we have 2 long weekends - one was FIVE days long, the other 4 days, and this was a sure recipe for disaster. I totally lost track of my plan and should I say threw caution to the wind? I ate. And I sat and watched the new season of big brother. And yep, I gained back 1.8 lbs. I had that one coming. And it was no suprise really when I saw that number on the scale.

Get back up again
I know myself. Once I fall it's soooo difficult to get back up again. I usually spend days where tomorrow I'm getting back on plan, and sure, for the past more than a week I've been saying that to myself. Thankfully I wasn't too overboard with the overindulgence or it could have been worse. The thing that really went wrong was the choce of food types, more than the amount. So that it what I need to adjust back - less sugar, less carbs, more protein and more fresh produce. That's my mantra for getting back on track. I just need to readopt my healthy eating, and stick with it until it's second nature. I wonder how long I need to do it for it to really stick...

Anywho, for myself; I'm going to go over my menus, reintroduce them as they are, with no modifications that aren't beneficial to me. And from there on, we move on. And I'm telling you, I will get back up again!

Ugh - a plan blog - I didn't even process that until now that I'm done. Well, this one was warranted.

Slow and Steady...

2010-07-13T11:58:00.000+02:00

...wins the race, right? In that case I'm definitely a winner, just give me time. Well, that's me being sarcastic I guess? At 1.2 lbs in 4 weeks, that's an average of 0.3 lbs a week, and 15.6 lbs a year - I really see how I can(t) be a winner - it would take me 6 years to reach my Weigh-Less goal at this rate!

BUT
I started Weigh Less 7 weeks ago, and I have not gained once in that period! That is NEW and I plan on maintaining the staus quo. No gains, just losses, no matter how small (even maintaining will do). I am not in a race to lose the weight, I'm trying to get fit and healthier - and weight loss will follow. However, I still need to do quite more to reach a comfortable level of both. And I will continue to pursue both for as long as it takes, no matter the number of detours along the way. As long as I'm going in the right direction I'm ok.

Summer Slimmin' Challenge...
...Is definitely more of a challenge that when we started out. BUT - in all honesty I'm rocking my Cookin' Meals, Eatin '5+ a day and Trackin' It! I am. Drinkin' water becomes a problem over the weekend, and unfortunately I haven't had scheduled Movin' Its yet. My problem is that cooking sometimes becomes an issue when I overdo it - too much! So, my sweet reward - Losin' Lbs - has been slow.
I;m pulling my socks up as we speak!

Other than that, I'm ok. Car problems, so I might be depending on others for transportation for upwards of a week! With the winter here being as bitter as it is at the moment, it's a big challenge to walk to work from the public transport stop. But I've been through worse times so I'll survive! And God is great, so everything will be ok.

Good week

2010-07-09T14:09:00.000+02:00

Sure, I said I'll post weigh-ins and today's not weigh-in day (Monday)...so what am I doing here? Valid question. But I just needed to celebrate that I've had a good week so far. I've stuck to my meal plan with the exception of bits here and there during meal preparation and what my aunt pushed down my throat when I went to visit. She could well have done it physically because she left me no choice having said no like 5-6 times!

Anyway, that's that. I'm crossing fingers for a good weigh-in Mondays because I feel like I've made the effort now I just want to see the pay off. See, none of that I'll do this or that, but rather, I DID and therefore... Well I hope I do well over the weekend.

Hope everyone has a good one!

Summer Slimmin' Update? And a decision

2010-07-06T17:45:00.000+02:00

Summer Slimmin' and Weigh In
I survived the long weekend! Well, barely. But I'm here, and reporting DID NOT gain should cancel all that's bad that happened, right? Right? But I didn't lose either. It's an absolute miracle that I did not record a gain this past week! So, I'll TAKE IT, because I don't deserve it...

Yep, unfortunately this past week was my biggest fail as far as the Summer Slimmin' Challenge. But this is a new week and I'm on it like it's going out of fashion. Well, may be it is...with less than half the time left. Which means I best hurry up and do my utmost best if I want to see that sweet reward of drinkin' water, cookin' meals, etc.

Decision
You know, I was looking at my weight loss stats earlier today. I know I'm on a journey to be healthier and fitter and I'm focusing on 'things' that will help me achieve that. But I also know very well that what the scale says at this point in my journey -- early days -- is reflective of the strides I'm making towards achieving my health and fitness goals. So, yes, I get on the scale a lot. And so, seeing how I lost SIX pounds the first week on the Weigh-Less plan, and have lost only 5.4lbs since then (5 weeks), I feel like I'm not doing well enough.

As I was thinking about it earlier, I just felt like coming on here to say I've lost 0.4 lbs or 0.0 lbs is really under par. So I thought how does it help me to blog about that? And I thought, may be rather than blogging often about my goals and my plans and not showing any results, isn't it better to just shut up and do it?

So I thought, what if I prove to myself that I can lose the weight without annoucing plans that fall by the wayside all the time. So I thought, may be I should step away from the blog, and only return when I've lost 10 lbs. Wouldn't that be a motivator enough to get me going? May be.

Sooo, I'll be posting my weekly weigh ins, but not talking so much about what I'm going to do. Focusing on doing, rather than telling.

Let's see how long this will take.