Buying torture - personal trainer

So I've hired a personal trainer. We started working together this Monday and am I ever glad I finally took this step...At some point I convinced myself that I can pick a workout program off of the internet and follow it by myself, so I don't exactly need a personal trainer. But now I know what a huge difference a personal trainer makes --- I have worked this week more than I ever have before in my life! I'm quite sure that my workouts have been more than twice as hard as I've done by myself. So, that was a very good move that I will not soon go back on.

The plan is to workout Monday through Saturday for at least 1 hour in the morning. And coupled with the meal plan he supplied me with, which I intend to follow as closely as possible, I'm quite sure that 'results will follow'!

I decided to forgo Tonys' dietbet and instead put the money towards personal training. I'm more sure of results through personal training than through Dietbet, so for now I won't be dietbetting, except if perhaps there was a local group doing some variation of it.

I also intend to start weighing in on the blog. I do weigh in everyday, I have been for the past several years, not that it has been helpful. So, I will weigh in once a week and from time to time post progress pictures. Yes, progress pictures because I will make progress!

Dietbet??

It's January 7th and I have yet to sit myself down and set myself fitness goals. I really do want to lose weight this year and know that without set goals for activities and diet I will not be losing any weight.

I've been tossing different ideas around, such as talking to some ladies about starting a fitness group, going back on Sparkpeople, etc. Just something to get me some mojo. The current winning idea, which I can still do along with others is to join a Dietbet. I have been on Dietbet before and actually won, before rejoining and losing all my previous winnings. So, I know with the right mindset it is a great tool to push weight loss goals.

So far, I am eyeing Tony's Dietbet which starts tomorrow, January 8th. Actually, I'm deciding right now that I will do it. So, yes, Dietbet!

Still considering a group though...

Jan 1st, 2015...Dare I try again??

Here's the thing...no goals =  no failure. Shameful really. But after so many trials and failures, that is how I feel. Eeven with the new year signalling new beginnings and a chance to try again, I just feel so afraid of yet another failure, another crash.

Yet, I will try again. I can not promise to recommit fully to blogging about this new experience, or to giving any details to what I am doing. But I do know I will periodically come on here to decompress or something like that. I may blog often, I may not, and it is all ok.

Bottom line, the spark is still there. The desire is there. I ask for God's help and guidance through 2015. I pray for myself, for success, even if it is limited. I wish I was more fired up, but this is enough...

Here's to 2015 and new hopes!

Almost 2015

There are exactly 11 days between today and Jan 1st, 2015. Not that I'm waiting for Jan 1st. Just saying ;)

Always on my mind

I'm convinced that no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I'm always thinking about my size for one reason or other. Most of the I like to think to think that I am comfortable with my size, as in I accept it for what it is, though I do want to get smaller. However, time and time again I find myself worrying about what people think when we pass each other, or when they walk behind me, especially when they walk behind me.

I try to dress in ways that I know are okay for my body, and I like to feel good in my clothes. But sometimes  I fail, and it is on those days that I am most conscious of the fact that I am not 'normal' and that people have a reason to think of me in ways other than normal. And on those days I find my spirit being low, I find myself feeling a bit sad and melancholy...:(

However, I always think of the fact that in my opinion, I have a great body. It may be huge, but I actually have a nice shape. It's not what it used to, some places (e.g. my tummy) don't look as great as pre-baby, but I know I still have a nice shape. Add the fact that I know that if I lost weight I would have a smoking body, and I'm back on top! So yeah, my own bit of therapy, positive thoughts!

What do you do to turn things around when you're not feelings so good due to your weights issues?

She's just not that into it...

Blogging. It seems I'm just not that into it anymore. I used to be excited to share what was going on with my life and could post a new blog a few times a week. Well, not anymore, it appears. I do think about blogging often, but the feeling is never enough to make me drop what I'm doing and do it right then. And then the next time I remember to I'm engaged in something else I can't stop doing immediately...

So, having admitted to that, my blog posts will be sporadic; I will blog when I can or when I feel like it. I can't promise any more than that.

However, that does not mean the purpose of the blog has been abandoned. I am continuing to make the best choices everday and trying to be intentional about every choice I make. I know I don't always win the little battles, but I have found a bit more focus than I have in quite a while. So perhaps soon I will find enough motivation to make enough of a difference to make me want to blog more.

Till then, I will be reading other blogs and hoping to grab myself a bit of motivation from there.

I try...sometimes I fall

I can safely say my cold/cough has finally cleared out and I'm ready to start 'treadmilling' again. I haven't been doing anything for exercise for about 3 weeks now :(

Foodwise, I've been trying. Like literally trying, because I do not have a set plan, just an idea of what I want to achieve which I loosely stick to and am easily diverted from due to lack of a more strict plan. Which is why I sometimes fail. I have found myself in teh middle of a meal that should have been a no no, either because of content or amount. Totally wrong food or a second serving.

So, I need to sit with myself and decide exactly how I will eat, what, when and how much. This has been the biggest problem for me my whole life. I just have never been able to stick to a plan. The longest ever was 2 weeks, and during that 2 weeks I saw changes that could have multiplied and brought a real change had I followed through for longer, but alas...

So, yeah, no reason not to workout anymore, and to make and stick to that plan...

Looking forward to July

We're so quickly coming to the end of June, meaning we're almost half-way through 2014! I can't wrap my head around time seems to be flying so speedily now, is it because I'm getting old and literally running out of time? And to think I am right around the half-way point of my life...I pray that I get to live longer than twice my age.

Anyway, I still have a cough lingering from a terrible cold that had me bed-ridden for 3 days last week. So, I haven't set foot on the treadmill or done any other kind of exercise for over a week now. The eating hasn't been much better either. I had gne back to eating anything handy without making much effort to be selective, but I intend to get back on track this week. exercise will start when chest has cleared some more though, because I have some shortness of breath that I suppose is attributable to the cold/cough thing.

I hope having had that cold I'm home-free for the rest of this winter. I would like to be able to make and stick to plans next month, so I'm looking forward to a healthy July. However, I'm not waiting till then to make better choices, that will happen everyday, God willing.

Unbelievable but...

Early this week I saw a number on the scale that I had never ever in my craziest most exaggerated dreams thought I would ever see. It scared me, and finally, after 'planning to' for ages, I have taken action. I have started walking on my treadmill and watching my food intake, now I just have to keep going.

 

It's actually really sad how I have watched myself gain pound after pound while telling myself that I will start working out and eating properly 'on Monday' or on 'the 1st'. Food is my worst enemy, but over the past years, even if I couldn't control my food intake, I would work out, so even if I didn't lose much or at all, at least I stayed the same or gained very little.

 

However, over the past year plus, I stopped exercising altogether, and ate everything in whatever amount I felt like. Shockingly, in all this time, I weighed myself every single day and recorded the weight, so I was aware of the damage. I couldn't even deny what I was seeing on the mirror, both dressed and undressed.

 

So, finally I have decided that it is time to stop killing myself. Open back the blog and start saying something. Perhaps this one tool can contribute to help me stay consistent...fingers crossed. 

A - Z of ME....

Re-introduction...

A. Age - 36 (37 in Nov) --- Can't believe how close to 40 I am, so surreal...
B. Bed size - Queen

C. Chore you dislike - Laundry, by hand and making buttercream icing

D. Dogs - none. Used to have a dog when I was little.

E. Essential start to your day - Made up bed and hugs and kisses from my son

F. Favorite color - White and black together

G. Gold or silver - Silver
H. Height - 5'4"
I. Instruments you play(ed) - drum

J. Job title - Cake artist (part-time), mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, girlfriend.

K. Kids - 1 boy

L. Live - Gaborone, Botswana

M. Mom's name - Nyalie

N. Nicknames - Oh and Earls

O. Overnight hospital stays - only 2 - when I was in a car accident (2005) and when I had my son (2008).

P. Pet peeves - Obvious lies, being patronized
Q.Quote from a movie - I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a guy....etc. - Julia Roberts to Hugh Grant in Nottinghill.

R. Righty or Lefty - Righty
S. Siblings - 3 - 2 younger brothers and 1 younger sister
T. Time you wake up - these days around 6.30, but that has to change
U. Underwear - all the time, different types

V. Vegetables you don't like - brussel sprouts and asparagus

W. What makes you run late - I'm naturally slow?

X. X-rays you've had - I remember chest, foot, and back after car accident

Y. Yummy food you make - cakes and other baked stuff, made creamed spinach for the first time the other day and loved it

Z. Zoo animal favorites - don't know, zebra maybe?

Time...

A year and a half since I posted on this blog...

Quite a while since I last exercised...

About a year since I was in a gym...

Close to 6 yeats since I discovered weight blogs and started blogging myself...

Time to do something...

I'm eating so much food!

Odd title for a post on a weight loss/heathiness blog!

But yes, I have devised an eating plan that allows me to eat a whole lot of food, so much so that sometimes when it's time for a meal I still feel full from the previous meal!

BUT...I am losing weight! Ok, I'm not dropping pounds and pounds at once, but I am a happy with the steady rate at which I'm losing. So, now all I have to do is stay consistent and keep doing the same thing over and over until the little progress adds up to major progress. Just that thought excites me.

As mentioned before, I decided not to go Weigh-Less strict, but somewhat fashion my eating plan around their plan. So, basically I'm eating 5 times per day. 5 times seeems exccessive, and you wouldn't expect to lose weight especially looking at the amount of food. But I've been losing, so I am sticking with it.

The plan focuses on balancing my nutrients and staying nourished and hydrated all day. No chance of sugar rushes and lows. The food groups are broken down into Complex Carbs, Proteins, Fruit, Fat, Vegetables and Milk. I have a guide that tells me how much is a serving of each type of food, then I have a guide to say how many servings of food to have at each meal.

At first I tried to follow the Weigh-Less menus to the letter. Preparing each meal following the various menus proposed, but found that I had to dig deep to afford the menus as they are. So, I looked at the food groups and chose cheaper foods from each group and that's what I'm focusing on.

This is how the eating plan goes:
Breakfast: 1 CC + 1 Milk
Mid-Morning: I Fruit + 1 Milk
Lunch: 2 CC + 1 Protein + 1 Fat + 1 - 3 Veg (I think)
Early Afternoon: 1 Fruit
Late Afternoon: 1 CC + 0.5 Protein
Supper: 1 CC + 1.5 Protein + 2 Fat + 2 - 4 Veg

So, honestly, looking the serving sizes, there is plenty to eat, and rather than feeling hungry sometimes, I feel too full most of the time. The best thing is that I'm still losing weight.

There are times when I wonder if eating a bit less food would make me lose faster. However, I think about how long it's been that I've made up my own eating plans and they have never worked for any amount time. At least with this I'm following a plan that's worked for many many people. I hope my substitutions do not ruin for me though.

So yeah, consistence. I just have to keep doing this everyday and plan for eventualities that I have to eat out and I should finally see some progress.

This time, I'm going to follow through.

Nov 20, 2012

It's been 3 days since my birthday. I went beserk on cheesecake - my brother bought me 2 slices of cheesecake and I polished them off all on the day, and even had some of the cake that they had bought for themselves.

So, now I'm trying to get it together. I'm mostly modelling my eating around the Weigh-Less menu plans, but I really can't say I'm doing Weigh-Less because I'm making a lot of changes to suit my own situation. Eating solely Weigh-Less is very costly, so I can't exactly do it to the letter. But I'm hoping that this plan that I put together for myself will work for me.

Considering I had dropped weight on the restrictive cleansing diet, I was expecting that when I start eating all sorts of food again I will regain the gain the weight. Ok, I did regain a couple of kgs almost immediately because I did indulge in pizza, wings and ribs the day folloing the end of the diet. So, it may have been water or whatever, but having gone back to eating a mostly controlled diet, I have lost one of those kgs and am as of this morning standing at 118.5kg. Though this is such a huge number, I'm happy to be here because I had really started to get used to being over 120 and it was not good at all because the scale was slowly inching higher and higher.

So, the plan is to never go beyond 120 again, and to be below 115 by the end of the year. I know that is very little to aim for, but I'd rather aim low and make it, that too high and then end up feeling like a failure and relapsing into my old ways.

Busy busy busy

This draft has been sitting for over a year and a half...posting just for the hell of it.

Phew, I've been so busy at work today, soooo much on my to-do list, but I'm glad to say I knocked quite a bunch of items off the list today. Looking forward to tomorrow to get more done in time to enjoy the weekend guilt free! Having urgent items pending over the weekend almost always ruins my weekends because I can't relax.

Being so busy means I haven't had as much time as I'd like to visit with my blog friends, that plus the fact that I had to run some errands over lunch. However, I did see a couple of comments on my last post with some great news and skipped over to the blogs to see what I'm up for.

THANK YOU Felipa for tagging me for the Funky 5 MeMe and Karen for giving me the Beautiful Blogger award.  I accept both and would like to participate when I have a bit more time that I do today so that I'm giving them my full attention. Hopefully that will be tomorrow.

Otherwise I'm doing ok. Still not exercising :(, but will get to it soon. But with the world cup occupying my evenings these days... hmm, I see I need to reassess my priorities... But I will get to it, I will, I have to.

Anywho, I need to dash on home coz my mom and my brother are coming over.

Private

On September 1st, 2012 I published a post to say I won't be posting as much, but I spend more time on Twitter and FB. And I left my FB and Twitter names. Big Mistake.

Even though I wrote and published my blogs for everyone to read, I've never been comfortable with the idea of people that know me reading my posts. So, now my mistake on Sep 1st meant anyone who does a search of name, can immediately find this blog!

I immediately took down the post in the hope that it would not show up on Google searches etc., however, people could still maek it to the blog.

Ya. I'm me. I tried to ignore the fact that people I know may be reading and even tried to convince myself that it doesn't matter. But noooo, I am too private to write about such an issue as weight loss and be fine with any and everyone reading it.

I just wish that Blogger had a way to allow blog readers to continue reading without having to enter their contact info one by one. Also, I wish Blogger could leave my email address for those that would like to have access to email me requestign it.

Oh well. So this is this. I've finally gone private. And hopefully I'll now be able to write freely and much more often. Knowing I am writing for myself and am not being judged, especially by people that I do not know are reading.

But, my hope, my dream is that one day I will actually make headway with this journey. That one day I will look back at my posts and be able to see a trail of how I could to that marvellous place I will be at. If, or rather when, that day comes, I will seriously consider opening up this blog for anyone to read. Afterall, people will be reading about how I made it, rather than everyday wondering what is wrong with me that I've been blogging for weight loss/fitness for so long and yet have not made any progress at all...

Here's to the future!