Today I go back

It's been more than a week since I've done any form of organized exercise. The whole of last week, right from the weekend prior till this past Saturday I was down with a monster cold that brought on the most horrible sore throat I've ever experienced. Possibly more along the lines of tonsilitis. So, needless to say, I decided to just take some time off to rest and fully recover before stressing my body any further.

Anyway, I am now almost fully mended up. And I'm raring to go. So this evening will see me in the gym again after that bit of a hiatus. I'm really hoping it won't kill me as much as I expect it to. Then tomorrow I take to the circuit around our campus for my morning walk, chilly as I know it will be. Realistically, I can only do the walks in the morning so I'll brave the sub-zero temperatures to get in the exercise. It keeps me sane. Then evening it's gym. The plan was gym everyday and walk 3 times, but I was actually doing both everyday before, so I'll see how it goes this time around.

Food for thought
Oh, quite random, but a couple of weeks ago a lady came up to me in the gym and told me she thinks I'm doing great, ya da yada, and then she says 'If anybody says you go to gym all the time but you're not losing ya da ya da yada....'. Isn't that some sort of back-handed compliment? So I didn't even say anything back. But it just got me thinking...I'm doing well at the gym. I'm doing well for myself. I put in that effort, and it just so happens that weight loss does not happen overnight. Going to gym for a few weeks will not have me dramatically losing dress sizes for all to see. No, it won't. It will take time, and I understand that, so I do not sweat that I haven't lost tons and tons.
Granted I could probably have lost more if I did more exercise and watched my food more carefully, but you know what...what works for me now works for me now. In future I may be able to do more and see better results. Right now, I am seeing changes, enough changes to know this is working. And mostly, if I'm not losing yet working for it, it means if I wasn't doing anything I would be gaining, right? So there, it's not all for nothing, and I'll keep coming to gym. If you can't say anything plain positive, just shut up, it's not like I asked you to say anything. Hell, I don't even know you!

Been sick

I've been so sick since last weekend that I haven't done a single work out all week. I haven't taken a single walk, nor have I stepped foot in gym. It just couldn't happen, no matter how much I wished it could happen. I haven't been in this kind of pain in a long time, but things are looking up at the moment, hopefully I'm on the road to full recovery and can resume life as I want!

Till then, watch this space...

Third world woes

I live in a great country. We have our pitfalls, but life definitely is better here than in many other parts of the world. And I am really proud to call this place home.
But, I've also lived in the first world (the west?). Having lived in the US and the UK, it is easy to see the deficiencies in our systems. Everything is just a bit more (if not a lot) difficult to come by. Of course it is easier to eat organic here, but everything else....no.
Now, in relation to healthy living, or weight loss to be specific, it is that much harder. Or may be I'm just making excuses. Let me give a couple of examples...

• My right foot has been having some weird pain, but I know going to see the doctor will not be of any help, so I just hobble along.
• Where is my HRM? What is that? lol.
• I need to buy some fresh vegetables - but they cost a LOT. A mere head of lettuce these days cost so much I just have to go without.
• Gym options - close to none, seriously. Only 1 24hr gym in this whole city.
• Therapy - lol.
• Personal trainer - lol.

To mention just a few issues. I try. I really do. I know I can do better and I can lose weight, but my environment doesn't help. I'll just have to help myself.

This is for myself, and for my son...

I think I should print this post I wrote about 2 years ago and read it each time I'm going through a tough time...

"Anywho. Still struggling with this. It's getting harder and harder, and I realise this is because I am not pleased with the rate at which things are happenning. I look at myself on the mirror many many times, and wish things looked different. The thing is, I always ask myself when did this happen? OK, as the story has been told over and over by me, I've been a big girl sincc my early teens, but tolerable big, to me anyway. But now all of a sudden after I had my baby things just spiralled out of control, I didn't see it happen, the moment when I should have told myself I need to stop didn't occur until it was really late. Of course I do recall a lot of the times that I overindulged in all the terrible things, and how can I forget not being active at all? But still, why couldn't the weight gain come such that I could stop before I got here? It's like I gained overnight, it's really weird.

 Right now I don't want much. All I want is to go back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I was much happier then. I was healthier. I could run and run on the treadmill. I could do the elliptical without being winded too quickly. Stairs were not an issue, of course not too many flights. But now it's a whole other issue. I wish it was easy to commit to a food plan, to an exercise plan, to not feel like giving up. Giving up seems like the easiest option, sometimes even the best option. But what about not feeling so good, what about the shame, excuses, terrible fitting clothes, sitting out of activities, etc. That hurts, so I do not want to give up. It crops up in my mind a lot, but it really is not an option for me right now. I want to be healthy. I want to be a star mom to my son. And he's growing up so quickly. Soon he'll able to understand fat and thin, and I do not want him growing up unhealthy because that's what he learned from his mother.



So here I am. Sad. That it's so hard. Yet willing to do the work. I think I'm lazy by nature, but I'm really willing to work a bit harder for this. I think I'm messed up too. My relationship with food is something I've thought about a lot, something my control over wavered from great to none through time. I'm working on this too. These days I stop before taking a piece of bread to eat the minute I get home before dinner, *before grabbing a banana before breakfast, before drinking milk or juice just because I want to. I hope this sticks, at least until my mind really knows that's what should happen each time.

 I need help. Divine help. I pray for help with this matter. It really is beyond me. So I leave it all up to the Lord, because He has plans for me. But also, I know He helps those who help themselves, so I'll still try. Knowing he'll give me all the tools I need to deal with this. Faith. Faith. Faith. This I have in abundance. And I know, with God, nothing is impossible.
This is for myself, and for my son."

*Edited to remove a portion that was duplicated during the 'cut&paste'... June 13,2011

I went and I loved it!

Despite this nasty cold (well, it's a bit better now), I dragged myself to the gym yesterday but arrived a few minutes late. I found the CURVES CIRCUIT WITH ZUMBA FITNESS class already in session, so I jumped right in.

The instructor was the spunky girl who could really shake it. F.I.T chick. Like a level I don't even expect to ever reach if I worked out for 12 hours a day! Anyway, me being my normally coordinated self, it was quite easy to follow the steps. However, when she moved it up a notch to double time things got a little difficult, but nothing I couldn't handle after a few seconds.

The Verdict: I LOVED IT! Obviously  it's more fun to do dance steps than some knee slappers or such during recovery . And I love to dance, so I'm totally sold. Now we just have to wait and see how the gym intends to incorporate it into our circuit - will we have to improvise from what the lady showed us, or will there be someone in the middle leading us?? We'll have to wait and see, I guess.

Looking forward to it - it's so much more of a work out and I sweating loads more yesterday. So, It's a great way to shake thinsg up and hopefully there'll be some benefits to it more than having fun, you know, like weight loss?

Curves with Zumba! But I'm sick...

Our Curves is introducing Curves with Zumba this month; they had demonstrations last week, then this week they're running classes for members. I signed up for this afternoon/evening after work - but I'm sick with the most terrible cold!

I've been looking forward to this ever since I found out. I've heard great things about Zumba, and I love dancing, so I knew/know I'll enjoy Curves with Zumba. So, what do I do?? I think I'm just going to drag my sick self to the gym and if I feel too poorly then I'll just watch. There's no way I'm missing the opportunity to watch people who know what they're doing do it and have to learn from amateurs like myself.

So, when I get home today I'm changing into my gym clothes and heading to the gym. What happens once I'm there will depend on how I feel. But knowing me, if I'm not dying I'll be up there dancing it up. So, send positive thoughts this way, please!

Other than that, because of poor weather here, and this cold I missed my walk this morning. At least I get to go to gym today, otherwise I'll force myself onto the treadmill or mini-stepper later on.

Here's to determination!

Sleep or exercise, what's more important?

If you went to bed later than usual, but you have a walk scheduled for the next morning, what do you? Do you sleep an extra hour to make up for the late night or do you go out for the walk anyway?

I GOT UP AND WENT WALKING! For an hour. At 5.30 am. On a Saturday morning! Thankfully, somehow, I manahed to stay alert all day and the effects of my too little sleep didn't take a toll on me much. I'm getting used to this routine, too bad it's winter and the mornings are getting darker and darker. But it's already so ingrained in me that if I happen to lose a few minutes in the morning I'd rather go out for 15 minutes than not at all. This morning was really dark because of clouds, so I decided to take the walk inside. Oh, treadmill, you're so not my friend. But at least I have that convenience, I don't get to lose a walk if it's raining or whatever.

I missed gym yesterday because yet again someone I know died and I went to visit with the family. I'm hoping to make it today. But if I don't I'm not too worried because I got my walk in this morning.

Saturday is the 4K, but it looks like I might have to miss it for the funeral. I'm shattered because I've been looking forward to it all year. We don't get these planned events much around here. You could hear of a sponsored walk or such, but it's not the same. If I really have to miss it I will, but I'll continue with the training anyway. I'm really hoping that the funeral is on Sunday so that I can go on this trip. More than the 4K it's an outing for us, bonding time outside of the hassles of daily life, so may be if the funeral is on Saturday, we'll still go hang out afterwards and go back home on Sunday as was the plan.
Oh well.

I won't talk about food. That's all.

I'm on it

Why is blogging hard?
Actually I don't think blogging is hard at all. I just overthink it. The question most probaly would be answered by the response to 'why do I blog?'
It's weird because I feel compelled to blog. I love it, yet I hate it. I want to do it often, but I can't for all sorts of reasons. Time and content being the 2 top reasons.

Anyway, I'm alive, I'm ok. More so than I've been in the recent past. Guess what? I finally have NORMAL BLOOD PRESSURE! I always had normal blood pressure, until I was pregnant and then it wouldn't go back down. But since I've been very consistent with workling out for the past 2 and half months I now have normal blood pressure again!!! And I plan to keep it that way.

I've lost only a little weight, very little, despite all the working out. Yep, that monster, food, is still playing a big role in that. I pray for the day I will be able to avoid temptations and eat clean for days and weeks in a row. It's not easy for me.

BUT, I see a huge difference in my body. It is happening. The weight is shifting and I'm sure I'm gaining some muscle too. This will only continue to get better and better.

I'm committing myself to try harder this month. I'm keeping up with the work outs with double work outs a few days a week even past the 4K on the 11th. I'm going to deal with the food issue the best I can considering the circumstances. But believe me when I say I will be better at the end of this month than I am today.

 I'm on it.

The physical part is in the bag

The plan is to move as much as possible and eat sensibly; apparently that is the best formula to a healthy weight. So, that's what I've been striving for.

So an update
About 2 months ago I joined Curves, and have been going very well, except when I absolutely couldn't. The week it was just me and my son at home I went drastic and went to Curves at lunch since I couldn't go in morning or after work. That's how committed I am. Yesterday was another of those days where it was just impossible to go and I was ready to move mountains so I could. Sadly I couldn't go, but I made sure I did some moves at home to at least do something, you know.

Since I registered for a fun walk during a marathon next month, I've decided to add in walk/jog/slog sessions to prepare for that. So lately I've been getting up early and walking rather than going to Curves first thing, then I would hit Curves after work. The plan is to have a minimum of 9 work outs a week, that is 6 Curves sessions and walking on 3 days, or if I miss Curves like I did yesterday, I make up for it with a walk.

So, who's to dispute that the physical part of the weight loss equation has been bagged in these parts??! Not me, coz I know I'm rocking it!

The food/eating side is a work in progress. One day I'll master it too, one day that I'm looking forward to.

State of My Nation

Yesterday I got up extra early to drive 3.5 hours, luckily my mom drove on the homebound trip. Then I went to bed late. And had to get up early again this morning. So, I'm knackered today. But I'm still going to gym after work. Which will be followed by gym tomorrow morning.

Registered for a 4K.
I discovered the world of 5Ks from the fitness blogging community, but for some reason have only been finding 4K fun runs around here (except one time only). So far I've only done 2. I was geared for one this month but it was postponed to next year! But the good news is that I've registered for one on 11th June and I'll be driving about 4 or so hours to get to it. I love adventure, so why not?! So this month I really need to get serious about getting some activity beyond my Curves work outs in preparation for the 4K. I obviously won't be running/jogging/slogging all of it, but I want to run as much as possible.

Last week I baked
2 pans of brownies. One I took to my mom's house, and the other was consumed in my house. Quite a bit by myself. Besides that and the potato wedges (from Nandos) binge on Wed/Thurs I've been eating good food. May be not the best portions, but it's something. At least I'm not gaining. But I'm not losing either, so I have to revisit the food plan and see how to make it more interesting so that I don't stray too much from it. It is the food that's my downfall, as has always been.

May be I need a challenge
I've been thinking about that. Last week I was looking at my picturess from when I did the Missouri Challenge that Tony hosted quite some time ago. It was (and still is) horrifying to see that I looked better in the before pictures than I do now... Somewhere between now and then I just lost track and mostly because I do not have goals and challenges or anything to work towards (except a loose 'I want to lose some weight') I haven't done much for myself. I weigh many many pounds more than when I started blog, even more than when I started this blog which if fairly new compared to my whole blogging history.

So, A challenge
I want to be proud of myself at the marathon next month (of course I'm only doing the 4K). So I want to give my all in preparation for it. So:

• I'm working out at Curves 6 days each week (except when I'm out of town - like this coming weekend)
• I'm doing 4K specific training 3 times eack week (walking/jogging/running/slogging/whatever)
• I'm looking at food plan tonight and sticking to it till the marathon at least.

I'm really praying for strength to accomplish those 3 seemingly simple goals. I know I will be so much better for it. And I will be much happier with myself if I can only do that.

This is me. For me.

I missed Mother's Day...

My indifference to blogging seems to be growing by the day. I even missed posting a Mother's day blog, which I know I would've loved to. Not only in honour of my mom, but also in honour of my grandmother, aunts, friends, and every mother out there. Mothers do the greatest job ever in this world and deserve all the appreciation that can be given. Our kids made us mothers, and for that we appreciate them, but I feel there should be more appreciation from them, for without mothers they have NOTHING. Don't get me wrong, fathers play a big role in raising children, but we all know mothers make the biggest impact ALWAYS.

My Mother's day this year went by quietly. Only phone calls and text messages to wish me a great day, but nothing in the way of a big treat like breakfast in bed or an outing. At least I did get a few hours to just veg out on the couch and watch tv without the boy haggling me for attention. Love him, but sometimes I need some alone time at home. That was that. And this week I'm really experiencing mothering at it's best. It's just me and my son at home! We've managed fairly well and I feel it's something we could get used to and perfect if we had to. For now, my sister comes back today and the load will lessen on me!

Sad. Yesterday, only a couple of days after wishing her mom a happy mother's day, my cousin passed away in a passion killing. Mother to 2 young daughters herself, she met her a untimely death just as she was completing her post-graduate degree and was about to start her grown-up life. I feel so sad especially for her kids and her mom who also lost her brother (my dad) earlier this year. God's plans sometimes are just so heart-breaking it's difficult to understand why... I pray for God to grant my Aunt the strength to get over this most difficult period well and the strength to raise her grandchildren and keep their mother's memory alive.

What to blog about?

...that I'm doing well with gym and food (mostly) and have lost a couple of kilograms?

...that I've confirmed that white home-made (by me) bread is definitely a trigger food?

...that I love rocking the gym, but after being too lazy to get up early to go this morning I feel even lazier to go this afternoon? I'm determined to go though I reaally really don't feel up to it.

...that though I haven't followed my food plan to the tee I've been doing very well. Biggest problem is preparing meals ahead of time, and having to cook my own meals after work, especially on days where I end up going to gym after work.  Working on that.

...that working out is so much harder with Curves Smart than without, and I'm glad because I have motivation to work even harder. No more 'just turning up'. 

...that blogging is really no as exciting as reading other blogs (for me).

...that I will NOT be taking my weight loss journey over to Facebook. If I do it will be on a different account with a different name and my pictures will have to be head-less, at least until I gain the confidence necessary to expose myself to the whole world. Not that I have that many friends.

...that I'm back to being taxi-mom, driving my son back and forth to school everyday. Can't wait till he's old enough to ride in the school bus.

...that Big Brother Africa is here again and I'm loving it as usual??

...that it's hard. But I try. But I get discouraged when I think about how long I have been trying. Then I get encouraged when I think of the progress I could make if I didn't stray so much. But I know I will never quit trying.

Quite a mouthful, huh? Now imagine if I tried to write separate posts about all that. Is it even necessary?/

I do have a lot to talk about, but

T

Blogging, Being Well, and Winter

Blogging
I think I like reading others blogs so much more than I like writing one.....? Yeah, that would explain my absence from blogging so much. I've contemplated shutting the blog down, but I can't bring myself to do it and I think if I do I will definitely then start missing blogging, unlike when I know I can blog whenever I want. So, I'll keep the blog and update as much as I feel like.

I've been well and good. Gym every morning, with a bit of extra exercise some days. Food has been good too. I finally have a plan to follow, and though I've had to deviate a couple of times, it's been for fairly valid reasons and no, I did not choose unhealthier food over what's on the plan, just something different and/or more convenient. Obviously it may take a couple of weeks to remove all the kinks and have a solid weekly plan that I intend to follow for at least a month, and if it works then stick with it for longer, otherwise re-do and review in another month.

So far so good, and I've even seen a loss on the scale already. Yes, I weigh myself every morning (and sometimes evenings too).

Winter is here (though practically it's still autumn)
And I still hate it. I have decided that this year I'll wear pants if I can find some that I like. Preferably linen jeans and that sort of thing. I also need a couple of hoodies for gym and a couple of long-sleeved Ts to wear underneath my sweaters. Other than that, we're done with winter-shopping already in my house! For someone who hates winter I embraced and am happy with the shopping this year. The boy had outgrown all his winter clothes from last year! I had to do it early before all the nice things were gone. Hopefully i won't be seeing any nicer things - better avoid the clothing stores!

Another long weekend! So happy. Have a good one!

Dare I go to Facebook???

I've been thinking of extending my weight loss efforts to Facebook. Hoping that involving more real life people in my journey may be more motivating for me. The more people that would know that I'm doing this, the more people I'm accountable to, and the more I'm likely to stick to it, right?

I don't know. The main reason I've kept my blog a secret from people in my real life is because I don't want people to know when I fail. But isn't that like believing I will fail even before I start? And so setting myself up for failure? Hmm. So, I'm thinking about it, seriously considering it. Would it hurt for me to admit openly that I DO want to lose weight? I'm sure they know I do, even as much as I like pretending like everything is peachy.

I know there are people who know about and read this blog secretly (colleagues who found out through their work - IT - and their friends perhaps). They haven't said anything to my face about not reaching my goals, well, not losing weight since I haven't stated any goals. So if this is an indication, my friends will only encourage me to do better and not comment on my lack of progress if that's the case, won't they? I'll just make a statement that I'm embarking on a weght-loss journey, welcome any encouragement, but no negative critisism, etc. Then update after work-outs and meals and when I slip up. That should help, I think. Yep, I think I'll go for it.

Buuut, I'll only say it's done when I've done it.

You know, year after year I've told myself diet and exercise in secret and people will only see me looking better and better, but it hasn't worked. May be it is time to involve 'people'. I should do this. I should.
What do you think?

I went

I did go to Curves yesterday. The work-out is only 30 minutes long, and you determine how hard you want to work. I worked hard during that 30 minutes, I sweated up a storm and left very glad I went.

Then... I went again this morning! And rocked it yet again. I love that it's a mere 30 minutes yet I feel like I have done a lot when I leave. I love that I get to work out my whole body by just going around the circuit and that I get my cardio and resistance training all in one session. I just hope as I get more and more used to it it won't lose its lustre.

I'm still struggling with the food issues. Yesterday was ok though I thought I might struggle more because of that little mishap. I dealt ok, but honestly, I 'm still not pleased and still feel really resentful. I'll get over it.

In the mean time, it's all about me for me!