Someone said...

'Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard.' I rest my case.


The questions are, how to stay the course, how not to get discouraged, how not to seem to obsess, how to stay in the right state of mind without feeling like going crazy at times?!
I'm telling you, everyday of my life, for the longest time, I think about my weight issues, it almost feels like an obsession. Will it ever end? The worst thing is that when I look at the mirror, and that is very often as I'm not the kind to shy away from seeing all the grossness, I focus on what I think is my most troublesome spots, the parts that I wish would change before everything else. How do I stop being drawn to the worst bits and start focusing on what I love?


I've walked, I've run, I've kicked and boxed, tae-boed, and done various other routines I've picked up along the way. I've dieted, low fat, low carb, liquids, cabbage soup, fruits and veges, even if I only lasted less than half a day on some. Yet, here I am, stilll way far from what should be my goal weight. I've lost soooo much weight over the years - I'm sure if I had the figures and calculated all that I lost, I'd find I lost all of me plus more. But I've kept gaining back, gaining more that I initially lost.


I was a skinny child, started gaining as a teen and kept gaining. I've always been fit, as fat as I've been. But not anymore. When I was pregnant with my son I gained an obscene amount of weight, which I vowed to lose before he turned 1. He's now going on  30 months old, that's 18 months past my goal time.


I want to blame my now sedentary lifestyle, most due to my job. I want to blame the pregnancy --- it did bring the cravings though. And I want to blame my life situation - living far from work, traffic, gym time vs, quality time with my son. But I know that I can make it work if I tried hard enough.


What do I want? Do I want to stay this way? There's a lot that I'm holding off till I've lost the weight; but I'm not making much progress so am I never going to do or try those things ever?


Life is hard. It's hard. My 33rd birthday is in a few weeks (November). I have everything I NEED. I have a lot going for me. There's much more that I WANT, which I know I'll eventually get. But because of my weight issues I feel stuck.


STUCK. Like I'm not going anywhere. Everything is at a stand-still until that's done, but it's not getting done well enough. What do I do about that?


I try. What more should I do to stay the course? To stay motivated?