Just being

Honestly I'm tired. Physically right now, but what I'm talking about is that I am just tired of tring and trying to lose weight. Day in and day out worrying about what, when and how to eat, what, if any exercise to do, etc. I'm just sick of it all. I'm sick of worrying about binges and high calories and wanting but failing to stick with a diet long enough to see a change. It's got to stop.

So. I throw in the towel. I'm going to stop fighting with myself everyday. I just need to sort myself out and figure out how to take care of myself without fighting with my natural desires or tendencies. I just want to make peace with myself and my body. I want to bring a kinship between my body and my mind. Perhaps then I can address the weight issues in a healthier non-obsessive manner.

Do you know anyone who weighs themself everyday, every single morning? Hoping to see a loss even though they know they ate crappily the day before, or even the whole week before? I'm sure in a psychologist's book that carries some meaning...so I want to explore that. I think I mentioned before that I want to seek help; I intend to, I just haven't made the first step because I've been so busy lately. But I've taken the first step - I've admitted that I have a problem well beyond my capabilities to solve.  Now I just need to make a call and make an appointment.

But besides the weight issues, it's been busy. Sometimes fun, other times not. The most fun I've had lately was attending the wedding expo in Jo'burg, South Africa, this past weekend! It made me wish I was planning my wedding - the beauty of all on display...I could just swoon over it. Good times.