Tuesday, October 18, 2011

It's been a rough year

2011 has been an extremely difficult year. It has gone nothing like I planned, because the year's events have been devastatingly draining, emotionally, but also financially. I have had to give up a lot, and just accepted that things will get better as it progressed.

I have to admit though, amidst all that, I was always 'present in the moment'. All year through I have been thinking about my weight loss journey (that is not happening). I have been trying and giving up on a lot of things. It has been a rollercoaster of a year, and as much as I know that blaming the events is tantamount to giving excuses, I accept that they did contribute some to my lack of progress and I wasn't strong enough to be wiser about it.

I'm tempted to list all that I tried this year, but I'll leave it for the year round-up post. It makes me sad to think about all of and would make this an even more emotional post for me.

One thing I have done obsessively though: I've weighed myself and recorded the weight every single day I woke up from my own bed this year. So I have almost a year's worth of daily weigh ins to tell the story of how the year have gone for my 'non'-weight loss.

I decided to study the data. There are so many ups and downs it's sad. I sat with it and linked the events of the year to the weight fluctuations and there was definite correlation. Every death in family showed me gaining and gaining, the easier periods had me losing some, but then I'd go up again.

So now I'm praying that the rest of the year stay calm, as calm as it can be amidst the holiday season. And I'm praying for a great 2012. I feel tired, emotionally. I am motivated to forge on with my weight loss journey but sometimes the my emotional weight just drags me down and I go further and further up on the scale.

I weigh today more than I did at the beginning of the year. So right now this is my objective: To end the year weighing less than I did at the end of last year. That's all I want, even if it's by 0.01kg.

1 comment:

  1. That's a great objective. I always have to remind myself that I am doing my best for right then. Tomorrow is another day. Emotions are sometimes so tied to unhealthy eating. For me, loneliness has been a huge trigger. Self reflection is so hard sometimes, keep going at it- you'll continue to make connections. As Oprah says (to be cheesy!) "when you know better, you do better."
    You'll get there.