Monday, November 28, 2011

You think you know...

I know you think you know that my absence from the blog means that I'm drowning under a heap of food and lying on the couch watching tv every night...but you're sooo wrong. Sorry, to say.

Get this --- I will never, ever, ever give up on my healthiness. It's been a long time, and it may be an even longer time before I make any progress to shout about, but I'm not giving up any day soon.

I just haven't been motivated to blog much lately --- or this year in general. Right now I just couldn't be bothered to keep updating with the going ons in my life with regards to my healthy lifestyle or my variation of it. Everyday I make decisions as to the direction of my journey, some good and others not so much. But all in all I have my dreams of a healthy body and mind on the forefront everyday, even if it appears I make more 'bad for me' choices than good ones. But as they say 'one day is one day!'

I'm looking forward to the christmas season. Or rather I'm impatient at how long people are taking to get the xmas spirit going...why can't everyone see we need the xmas cheer in the air right about now and not a week into December?! I already have my tree andther decorations up in my house, but not many people are in that mood yet. Bummer. Anyway, that does not mean anything is changing; I'm still going to go to gym as much as possible and watch my food through the festive season.

I am still vowing to end the year weighing less than I did on January 1st - that's the goal right now, and I'm going for it!

Friday, November 4, 2011

What I know for sure...

Right now, I know that I am happy!

I am doing very well on all fronts:
  • Hitting the gym and though I barely make it to the end of the hectic workouts I know it waaaaaaay better than having stayed home to watch tv or something.
  • I'm doing very very well with my food. I've been my own counsellor and it's working. I've always though that my will power was weak as a worm, but now I know better; it depends on what I want and how much I want it, right now as opposed to long term.
  • I'm doing very well on my secret goals for this month, which I may or may not share at teh end of teh month.
Ok, just those two I'm going to share, but know this, I am happy! It's November after all, my birthday month and the month to count my blessings! And christmas decorations are springing up all over the place, I love me some christmas so I couldn't be happier any time of year than from now and through the festive season.

I think this year I'll introduce a bit of cheer to my office for the season...yes, I will. Why decorate and everything at home and have work be bland. Yeah, it's christmas everywhere this year. Actually, even the car's getting christmas deco ---guess I really am in a good mood!!!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Loving aerobics

I have been going to aerobics, yes, the same boot camp-like aerobics that had me sore for a week the first time I went. And I've been enjoying it so immensely that I was really bummed when I couldn't go yesterday. I'm really glad that I've been going regularly because I can feel that I'm gaining strength and becoming fitter and fitter. Annnnndd, there are other benefits...the number on the scale is going down! Ok, I don't see any changes on the mirror yet, but I know something is happening, and it's only a matter of time and consistency and I'll have wonderful results to be proud of.

So yeah, I'm going to keep going!

Other than that, I think I'm on the right track. I want to celebrate my birth month differently this year. In my family, birthdays mean a celebration with lots of food and cake. I'm still going to have a cake, I make it myself anyway, but I will not be going all out like I usually would, and even the braai will have to just be like a normal meal, no more overindulging. Some may be bummed, but it's my choice to make, for my own good.

By the way, I started reading Women, Food and God. I'm only a few pages in, but somehow I can tell that it's going to change the way I think about myself...scary stuff I think.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

It's been a rough year

2011 has been an extremely difficult year. It has gone nothing like I planned, because the year's events have been devastatingly draining, emotionally, but also financially. I have had to give up a lot, and just accepted that things will get better as it progressed.

I have to admit though, amidst all that, I was always 'present in the moment'. All year through I have been thinking about my weight loss journey (that is not happening). I have been trying and giving up on a lot of things. It has been a rollercoaster of a year, and as much as I know that blaming the events is tantamount to giving excuses, I accept that they did contribute some to my lack of progress and I wasn't strong enough to be wiser about it.

I'm tempted to list all that I tried this year, but I'll leave it for the year round-up post. It makes me sad to think about all of and would make this an even more emotional post for me.

One thing I have done obsessively though: I've weighed myself and recorded the weight every single day I woke up from my own bed this year. So I have almost a year's worth of daily weigh ins to tell the story of how the year have gone for my 'non'-weight loss.

I decided to study the data. There are so many ups and downs it's sad. I sat with it and linked the events of the year to the weight fluctuations and there was definite correlation. Every death in family showed me gaining and gaining, the easier periods had me losing some, but then I'd go up again.

So now I'm praying that the rest of the year stay calm, as calm as it can be amidst the holiday season. And I'm praying for a great 2012. I feel tired, emotionally. I am motivated to forge on with my weight loss journey but sometimes the my emotional weight just drags me down and I go further and further up on the scale.

I weigh today more than I did at the beginning of the year. So right now this is my objective: To end the year weighing less than I did at the end of last year. That's all I want, even if it's by 0.01kg.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I don't feel like writing another 'I'm not too well' post, but I just wanted to write as I haven't in week---I'm trying to be regular, at least once a week...

Yeah, I'm not feeling too good. I have this sort of cold thing going on, and the meds make me super drowsy! It's been a hard week at work because all I've wanted is to sleep. I'm glad tomorrow's Friday.

Nonetheless, Monday and Tuesday I went to the killer aerobics. Man, those guys and girls can really drill, it's more like boot camp than regular aerobics. I had to skip yesterday because I felt I would be too tired to do anything worth the time. I'm going back today though. Pity it's only Mon thru Thursday. I'll do a personal walk on Friday and there are a couple of walks I know about this weekend for Cancer Awareness Month, of which I'll choose one to do if I end up not travelling (big possibility that I'm not going). So I'll have had a week to be proud of. Hoping that next week will be another one and I just keep doing the same week after week!

As far as the eating part --- I'm really trying. I've scaled back my carbs some, and always add more veges to my plate. However, I've had this weird hunger that hits late morning along with the drowsiness. I've been ignoring it since I would've had my mid-morning fruit snack, and then I go home for a nutritious lunch. Yeah, I've been lazy and haven't been packing lunch to bring to work for quite a while now, then I'd drive out to get lunch from home or sometimes buy, but it's a bit heavy on the gas, and my pocket when I do go buy. So, I'm thinking of ways to stop. Of course, there's only one answer, pre-make lunches for the week and just grab and go in the morning. I've done it before, so I certainly can do it again.

Anyway, I'm just praying that this cold leave me sooner rather than later, I hate being sick, ugh.

Friday, October 7, 2011

It's October and I'm sick...

How did we get here???! I just can't even how quickly this year has gone by, no matter how much I try to rationalize it, and think back to what I've done/been through, it's still gone by too fast.

Today, I'm not well. I was ok coming into work this morning, but now I'm sneezing, blocked nostrils, teary eyes, everything that screams, cold! But it has to go away because I haev a trip this weekend. My body took quite a beating this past two weeks, and I understand how weak it may be, but I also need it to be healthy to keep me going...

I had planned to start October out strong, but being so busy and tired I'm not quite where I wanted to be. I'm trying though, and I'm crossing my fingers that by next week I'll be ticking everything off of my list. That should feel good, and should set the mood for the rest of the year.

From end of September starts the 'holiday season' for me. With all the long weekends and celebrations these last 3 months of the year are just a mine field that could see me beginning 2012 worse for wear. I'm thankful that we don't 'celebrate' halloween here, don't think I can handle the candy. The American community here invites us local employees, but it's better to not go. Thanksgiving is the same, but I choose to celebrate it with my family, and I know I can control myself. Then comes christmas, and all the December birthdays!

I'm staying strong though.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I fell!

So the other day I met up with a group of my girlfriends, 4 of them being new mothers (all babies under 9 months old). Obviously the topic of baby weight came up at some point. I have to admit, child-bearing is such a nasty thing when it comes to weight issues; all these girls, though having been pretty little things before the babies now all need to lose a considerable amount of weight! Ugh.

I found out that 2 of them had started doing aerobics at a military gym --- well, a gym in a military camp about 15 minutes drive away from my house. They spoke of the intensity, etc. and one was saying how she ran away because it was all too much for her. But me being hardcore me, that didn't scare and I wanted to see for myself. And at only 20 bucks a month (less than a tenth of what I would pay at the gym I've been intending to join next week) I couldn't pass it up. I decided I would try it and if it doesn't work then I would go to the original gym.

So, yesterday another friend and I decided to go. Oh, was it intense!!! Unfortunately I missed the beginning of the class, and when I walked in they were really moving. Then we stopped and people dispersed...I was surprised because I heard the classes were 1 hour long, but I thought there was a chance it was over because I WAS TIRED! But nope, that was just the warm up!!! Lol. But guess what, I stuck it out. I stayed for the whoel class though I was just dragging myself towards the end.

Then the cool down/stretching part came and we had to pair up. Luckily I ended up pairing with someone I was comfortable with, size-wise. But it was hard for us to find balance during the stretches. At one point we were each holding each other's leg up, and when we could stand up straight I let her go so we could start over, but she wouldn't let my leg go! I repeatedly asked her to let go but she raised my leg even higher, till I fell on my bum. Stupid woman.

So that was my first day there. But, I wasn't one bit embarassed! I'm not ashamed to go back, and if it wasn't that I'm feeling so tired from the work out adn late night yesterday I would go back today. But I'll skip and go tomorrow.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Another Monday

Just can't be bothered to work up a title...
What ever happened to September?
I know it's been a busy month but to think there are only 4 more days and we'll be onto the last quarter of 2011 feels seriously ridiculous. Some say it's a sign of aging... Oh well.

So, what's up for the last quater of the year?
- Definitely going back to gym as soon as I'm back from long weekend!

That's about all I can honestly commit to at the moment. Everything else has loose plans that may or may not stick. I'll update as everything works out.

 The weekend was ok, but Sunday I had a hangover, first time I ever felt like that. Didn't want to do anything after the cake delivery early in the afternoon. I just vegged out for the rest of the day...

Now it's Monday and I'm back at work. And as usually happens, I'm trying something which I hope may soon be made into a routine. Lol. Hope it amounts to something this tiem because I badly need it.

Monday, September 19, 2011

A - Z of ME...

A - Z of ME....

Something fun to do...let's not focus on the failing journey for once! Found this on 4ATHOMEJ's blog  (A Little Less...Of Me) and thought why not play!?

A. Age - 33 (34 in Dec) --- I don't know when I'll start owning it!
B. Bed size - Queen
C. Chore you dislike - Laundry, by hand
D. Dogs - none. I had a puppy when I was little but don't think I can deal with the energy it takes to keep one plus a little boy!
E. Essential start to your day - Made up bed
F. Favorite color - White and black together
G. Gold or silver - Silver
H. Height - 5'4"
I. Instruments you play(ed) - drum
J. Job title - For which job?? Main income is from Lab Quality Manager one.
K. Kids - 1 boy
L. Live - Gaborone, Botswana
M. Mom's name - Nyaladzi
N. Nicknames - Oh and Khali
O. Overnight hospital stays - only 2 - when I was in a car accident and when I had my son.
P. Pet peeves - Ugh, broken promises, why promise??
Q.Quote from a movie - I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a guy....etc. - Julia Roberts to Hugh Grant in Nottinghill.
R. Righty or Lefty - Righty
S. Siblings - 3 - 2 younger brothers and 1 younger sister
T. Time you wake up - Anywhere between 5.25 and 6.30am on weekdays, later on free  weekends.
U. Underwear - all the time, different types
V. Vegetables you don't like - brussel sprouts and asparagus
W. What makes you run late - I'm naturally slow?
X. X-rays you've had - I remember chest, foot, and back after car accident
Y. Yummy food you make - cakes and other baked stuff
Z. Zoo animal favorites - don't know

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Just being

Honestly I'm tired. Physically right now, but what I'm talking about is that I am just tired of tring and trying to lose weight. Day in and day out worrying about what, when and how to eat, what, if any exercise to do, etc. I'm just sick of it all. I'm sick of worrying about binges and high calories and wanting but failing to stick with a diet long enough to see a change. It's got to stop.

So. I throw in the towel. I'm going to stop fighting with myself everyday. I just need to sort myself out and figure out how to take care of myself without fighting with my natural desires or tendencies. I just want to make peace with myself and my body. I want to bring a kinship between my body and my mind. Perhaps then I can address the weight issues in a healthier non-obsessive manner.

Do you know anyone who weighs themself everyday, every single morning? Hoping to see a loss even though they know they ate crappily the day before, or even the whole week before? I'm sure in a psychologist's book that carries some I want to explore that. I think I mentioned before that I want to seek help; I intend to, I just haven't made the first step because I've been so busy lately. But I've taken the first step - I've admitted that I have a problem well beyond my capabilities to solve.  Now I just need to make a call and make an appointment.

But besides the weight issues, it's been busy. Sometimes fun, other times not. The most fun I've had lately was attending the wedding expo in Jo'burg, South Africa, this past weekend! It made me wish I was planning my wedding - the beauty of all on display...I could just swoon over it. Good times.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Spring has sprung!

So goes my ' blog bling'. I started using this template waaaayy before spring, because I was just sick and tired and was longing for spring. But now...Spring really has sprung! It is nice and warm and I'm confident that it's going to stay this way and get warmer. It's unfortunate that it will get reaaaaally hot in a couple of weeks, or less. Still prefer warm to cold weather though :)

So, it was winter. First  I stopped walking outside because it was too dark in the morning  - but I also pretended I didn't have a treadmill, kind of - I didn't use it after all. Then I stopped going to the gym when I was not well for a couple of weeks - but two weeks ran into 2 months. Then I just threw caution to the wind and kind of forgot everything about being healthy - Eating when I want and not working out at all. Then I started a liquid diet - which lasted 2 weeks, but gave visible results in that short period! But then, I lost and here I am.

That was August. Very short. Busy. No way to really define it in terms of my health. My highest was on the 2nd of August, my lowest on the 15th or so. But of course the month is ending at a higher weight than my lowest. Though I'm happy to say I lost 5+ pounds this month, I can't say I feel any healthier than I did at the beginning of the month.

So I want September to be different - I want to end it healthier than today. I'm travelling 3 weekends in September, and my cake business is really picking up. But I'm going to really really try to work around these and any other obstacles and come out on the other side prouder of myself than I am today.

So, here's to September:
- Continue morning walks started on Monday
- Make a plan to return to gym
- Taste the cakes - this is improtant - but do not eat all the off cuts
- Bake for business, but if needed for the family make it healthy.
- Continue the breakfast and luch plans
- Seriously look at and plan dinners.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

OMG, nothing fits!!

Ok, maybe not nothing, but it's definitely notable. This morning was a total disaster! You know how when seasons change you start having trouble with what to wear and may even have to go shopping for a new wardrobe? That's usually just because you haven't been wearing the clothes for the different weather and now it's like relearning your clothes and having to create new outfits out of your wardrobe all over again.

But no, not for me. For work it's really easy, I have a few skirts that I rotate with several tops, so it's not that difficult identifying outfit for warmer weather now that it's warming up. So I was all excited this morning to dive in a pick that top with that skirt. Only to find......nope, it doesn't look nearly as ok as it used to! Oh no. So I tried on another combination - same story. And another, and another!

My winter clothes have been hiding stuff that has nowhere to hide now that it's warm! But I refuse to go shopping becuase I do not have the budget for all the clothes I would need to buy. I'll have to do something to ensure that I have stuff to wear this spring/summer. So, It's on. Seriously, it is; I know I've said that a lot in the past and having nothing to show...but I really am going to make sure that I can comfortably put on my clothes and walk out of the house.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Self discipline

"Do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you like it or not" - Thomas Huxley.

I see that as the perfect definition of self discipline. What it communicates to me is that life should have no excuses. Just do what should be done at the the time it should be done, period. If only it was that easy. I truly believe all my life's problems, or at least the root of most of my life's problems stems from my low level of self discipline. I can't eat only as much as I need to sustain good health, I can't work out as often or as much as I need to to attain a desirable state of health - if I'm going to focus on the topics for this blog only, otherwise I could go on and on, for example, I don't stay out of the store when I don't have a spending budget, so I spend money I should be saving...

Anyway, going back to the quote, I was on a liquid diet the last time I posted. I had intended to stay on it until today, I think that made 4 eeks, and I should be seeing a huge difference by now. But me being me, no self discipline at all, I parted with it 2 weeks ago, only 2 weeks in, so though I was fortunate to have attained a small loss that I have sustained up to now, I could have done much better.

But knowing all this, especially admitting to myself that 'most of my life's problems - big and small alike - stem from a lack of discipline,' why can't I make myself 'just do it', whatever it is at the time? I suppose the answer becomes the same, self discipline. I don't know if it's something I can overcome on my own, looking at how long I have been 'playing this game'. I've tried diet after diet, and tried gym after gym, different work outs, at home, and the only reason I haven't seen success or even any amount of progress is that I severely lack self-discipline. I can not commit to anything for any length of time for the same reason.

I think it's time I sought help in that regard. I am going to commit to this one. For once I'll be disciplined enough to seek help when I need it.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Liquid is hard

I'm not in a blogging frame of mind, but I want to that contradictory? Anyways, I've been on the liquid diet for just over a week now. Wow, it is hard. Hard. And it has made me realized that my relationship with food is way beyond hunger issues. I can drink, and drink and have a full stomach, yet I would crave food, any food. I would want to bite on something and chew it. So, this is going to be a real challenge, but one that I'm ready to face head on.
I'm hoping for weight loss, which I've seen a little of so far. But I may not get the results I hope for, but still I'm hopeful. It's difficult to stick to just fluids, so I've snuck in some soft solids. I'm trying to work on that as much as possible. But mostly, it's the calories I'm worried about. It would be very disappointing to not get results after going through this, because really, why not just eat anything if I'm going to stay the same. I wish that question would pop up each time I'm tempted to go over the limit for anything.
Well, that was really condensed, but that's how I'm feeling. And it's just me anyways.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I miss you

All thsi time that I've been away, not only have I not been posting on my blog, but I haven't been reading other blogs either. I miss it, I miss you my blog friends. I miss knowing what's going on in your worlds. Even those that are not even aware that I read your blogs, I miss you.

Hopefully one day I'll get internet at home, then I may be abel to read on a regular interval again. And get motivated again.

About me - I did the deed. I've started a liquid diet, and right now it's on a trial basis - like I'm not sure how long I plan to stay on it, and I'm still trying out different things to see what I like to drink that is also healthy.

Oh, by the way, I haven't been going to gym, been too busy on the business front, but things have slowed down and I should be able to go back now. However, I still want to get used to the liquid diet before I add gym back. I may possibly start my morning walks in the next week before I take the exercise to the gym. I realise that I need lots fo resistance training though if I'm going to lose weight on the liquid diet, because I need to firm up as I lose weight. I wouldn't want the effects of a liquid diet without exercise.better start as soon as tomorrow morning then.

That's that for now.

Monday, August 1, 2011

She lives...

Indeed I'm alive. I know I said I can't keep up with a regular updating schedule, but I didn't mean I'll be posting just once a month. I need to keep this blog alive and post on a semi-regular frequency so that I can be able to look back one day and put the pieces together and be able to get an idea of what was going on in my life, especially with regards to the weight business.

On that note, since I have been away from the blog I haven't been good to myself, at all. Shocker, right? Even to me. I saw this quote somewhere- The state of your life is a reflection of the state of your mind. It really resonated with me, I look at myself and I think I am this way because I am not able to control my mind. My emotions drive me, and that is reflected all around me. I've been trying get myself and things in order, and I'm succeeding in some ways but not others.

By the way, I've officially launched my cake business. Finally. I love baking and decorating cakes. Unfortunately I also like eating cake. So, while I need the extra income, I do not need the effects this business may have on my health if I am not careful. So I haev decided to go drastic at least for this month. I'm going to stop eating cake, or anything for that matter - if I don't chicken out anyway. If all goes according to plan, tomorrow (or sometime this week) I'm starting a liquid diet. I HAVE TO. Hopefully when I've reached a weight I feel comfortable at, not that I'm not saying when I have lost .... pounds or kgs, or even when I'm thin, when I've reached a comfortable weight, I hope I may care enough to not indulge myself willy-nilly. As it is, at this appears the mindset is something along the lives of 'what's an extra kg, it won't show'...and that has got to stop. That's the motivation for going liquid-diet drastic.

In a nut-shell, that's enough to tell the state of affairs at this point...

Friday, July 15, 2011

I give up

I just have no option but to give up on the secret dream to update the blog on a regular basis, so I'll just blog when and as I can, or when I feel up to it.

So, see ya!

By the way, I'm doing ok, rocking the maintenance - which of course is not what I want - but at least I'm not going in the wrong direction. Hopefully my next post will be way more positive than that.

Now, really, see you later!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Today I go back

It's been more than a week since I've done any form of organized exercise. The whole of last week, right from the weekend prior till this past Saturday I was down with a monster cold that brought on the most horrible sore throat I've ever experienced. Possibly more along the lines of tonsilitis. So, needless to say, I decided to just take some time off to rest and fully recover before stressing my body any further.

Anyway, I am now almost fully mended up. And I'm raring to go. So this evening will see me in the gym again after that bit of a hiatus. I'm really hoping it won't kill me as much as I expect it to. Then tomorrow I take to the circuit around our campus for my morning walk, chilly as I know it will be. Realistically, I can only do the walks in the morning so I'll brave the sub-zero temperatures to get in the exercise. It keeps me sane. Then evening it's gym. The plan was gym everyday and walk 3 times, but I was actually doing both everyday before, so I'll see how it goes this time around.

Food for thought
Oh, quite random, but a couple of weeks ago a lady came up to me in the gym and told me she thinks I'm doing great, ya da yada, and then she says 'If anybody says you go to gym all the time but you're not losing ya da ya da yada....'. Isn't that some sort of back-handed compliment? So I didn't even say anything back. But it just got me thinking...I'm doing well at the gym. I'm doing well for myself. I put in that effort, and it just so happens that weight loss does not happen overnight. Going to gym for a few weeks will not have me dramatically losing dress sizes for all to see. No, it won't. It will take time, and I understand that, so I do not sweat that I haven't lost tons and tons.
Granted I could probably have lost more if I did more exercise and watched my food more carefully, but you know what...what works for me now works for me now. In future I may be able to do more and see better results. Right now, I am seeing changes, enough changes to know this is working. And mostly, if I'm not losing yet working for it, it means if I wasn't doing anything I would be gaining, right? So there, it's not all for nothing, and I'll keep coming to gym. If you can't say anything plain positive, just shut up, it's not like I asked you to say anything. Hell, I don't even know you!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Been sick

I've been so sick since last weekend that I haven't done a single work out all week. I haven't taken a single walk, nor have I stepped foot in gym. It just couldn't happen, no matter how much I wished it could happen. I haven't been in this kind of pain in a long time, but things are looking up at the moment, hopefully I'm on the road to full recovery and can resume life as I want!

Till then, watch this space...

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Third world woes

I live in a great country. We have our pitfalls, but life definitely is better here than in many other parts of the world. And I am really proud to call this place home.
But, I've also lived in the first world (the west?). Having lived in the US and the UK, it is easy to see the deficiencies in our systems. Everything is just a bit more (if not a lot) difficult to come by. Of course it is easier to eat organic here, but everything
Now, in relation to healthy living, or weight loss to be specific, it is that much harder. Or may be I'm just making excuses. Let me give a couple of examples...
  • My right foot has been having some weird pain, but I know going to see the doctor will not be of any help, so I just hobble along.
  • Where is my HRM? What is that? lol.
  • I need to buy some fresh vegetables - but they cost a LOT. A mere head of lettuce these days cost so much I just have to go without.
  • Gym options - close to none, seriously. Only 1 24hr gym in this whole city.
  • Therapy - lol.
  • Personal trainer - lol.
To mention just a few issues. I try. I really do. I know I can do better and I can lose weight, but my environment doesn't help. I'll just have to help myself.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

This is for myself, and for my son...

I think I should print this post I wrote about 2 years ago and read it each time I'm going through a tough time...

"Anywho. Still struggling with this. It's getting harder and harder, and I realise this is because I am not pleased with the rate at which things are happenning. I look at myself on the mirror many many times, and wish things looked different. The thing is, I always ask myself when did this happen? OK, as the story has been told over and over by me, I've been a big girl sincc my early teens, but tolerable big, to me anyway. But now all of a sudden after I had my baby things just spiralled out of control, I didn't see it happen, the moment when I should have told myself I need to stop didn't occur until it was really late. Of course I do recall a lot of the times that I overindulged in all the terrible things, and how can I forget not being active at all? But still, why couldn't the weight gain come such that I could stop before I got here? It's like I gained overnight, it's really weird.

 Right now I don't want much. All I want is to go back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I was much happier then. I was healthier. I could run and run on the treadmill. I could do the elliptical without being winded too quickly. Stairs were not an issue, of course not too many flights. But now it's a whole other issue. I wish it was easy to commit to a food plan, to an exercise plan, to not feel like giving up. Giving up seems like the easiest option, sometimes even the best option. But what about not feeling so good, what about the shame, excuses, terrible fitting clothes, sitting out of activities, etc. That hurts, so I do not want to give up. It crops up in my mind a lot, but it really is not an option for me right now. I want to be healthy. I want to be a star mom to my son. And he's growing up so quickly. Soon he'll able to understand fat and thin, and I do not want him growing up unhealthy because that's what he learned from his mother.

So here I am. Sad. That it's so hard. Yet willing to do the work. I think I'm lazy by nature, but I'm really willing to work a bit harder for this. I think I'm messed up too. My relationship with food is something I've thought about a lot, something my control over wavered from great to none through time. I'm working on this too. These days I stop before taking a piece of bread to eat the minute I get home before dinner, *before grabbing a banana before breakfast, before drinking milk or juice just because I want to. I hope this sticks, at least until my mind really knows that's what should happen each time.

I need help. Divine help. I pray for help with this matter. It really is beyond me. So I leave it all up to the Lord, because He has plans for me. But also, I know He helps those who help themselves, so I'll still try. Knowing he'll give me all the tools I need to deal with this. Faith. Faith. Faith. This I have in abundance. And I know, with God, nothing is impossible.
This is for myself, and for my son."

*Edited to remove a portion that was duplicated during the 'cut&paste'... June 13,2011

I went and I loved it!

Despite this nasty cold (well, it's a bit better now), I dragged myself to the gym yesterday but arrived a few minutes late. I found the CURVES CIRCUIT WITH ZUMBA FITNESS class already in session, so I jumped right in.

The instructor was the spunky girl who could really shake it. F.I.T chick. Like a level I don't even expect to ever reach if I worked out for 12 hours a day! Anyway, me being my normally coordinated self, it was quite easy to follow the steps. However, when she moved it up a notch to double time things got a little difficult, but nothing I couldn't handle after a few seconds.

The Verdict: I LOVED IT! Obviously  it's more fun to do dance steps than some knee slappers or such during recovery . And I love to dance, so I'm totally sold. Now we just have to wait and see how the gym intends to incorporate it into our circuit - will we have to improvise from what the lady showed us, or will there be someone in the middle leading us?? We'll have to wait and see, I guess.

Looking forward to it - it's so much more of a work out and I sweating loads more yesterday. So, It's a great way to shake thinsg up and hopefully there'll be some benefits to it more than having fun, you know, like weight loss?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Curves with Zumba! But I'm sick...

Our Curves is introducing Curves with Zumba this month; they had demonstrations last week, then this week they're running classes for members. I signed up for this afternoon/evening after work - but I'm sick with the most terrible cold!

I've been looking forward to this ever since I found out. I've heard great things about Zumba, and I love dancing, so I knew/know I'll enjoy Curves with Zumba. So, what do I do?? I think I'm just going to drag my sick self to the gym and if I feel too poorly then I'll just watch. There's no way I'm missing the opportunity to watch people who know what they're doing do it and have to learn from amateurs like myself.

So, when I get home today I'm changing into my gym clothes and heading to the gym. What happens once I'm there will depend on how I feel. But knowing me, if I'm not dying I'll be up there dancing it up. So, send positive thoughts this way, please!

Other than that, because of poor weather here, and this cold I missed my walk this morning. At least I get to go to gym today, otherwise I'll force myself onto the treadmill or mini-stepper later on.

Here's to determination!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Sleep or exercise, what's more important?

If you went to bed later than usual, but you have a walk scheduled for the next morning, what do you? Do you sleep an extra hour to make up for the late night or do you go out for the walk anyway?

I GOT UP AND WENT WALKING! For an hour. At 5.30 am. On a Saturday morning! Thankfully, somehow, I manahed to stay alert all day and the effects of my too little sleep didn't take a toll on me much. I'm getting used to this routine, too bad it's winter and the mornings are getting darker and darker. But it's already so ingrained in me that if I happen to lose a few minutes in the morning I'd rather go out for 15 minutes than not at all. This morning was really dark because of clouds, so I decided to take the walk inside. Oh, treadmill, you're so not my friend. But at least I have that convenience, I don't get to lose a walk if it's raining or whatever.

I missed gym yesterday because yet again someone I know died and I went to visit with the family. I'm hoping to make it today. But if I don't I'm not too worried because I got my walk in this morning.

Saturday is the 4K, but it looks like I might have to miss it for the funeral. I'm shattered because I've been looking forward to it all year. We don't get these planned events much around here. You could hear of a sponsored walk or such, but it's not the same. If I really have to miss it I will, but I'll continue with the training anyway. I'm really hoping that the funeral is on Sunday so that I can go on this trip. More than the 4K it's an outing for us, bonding time outside of the hassles of daily life, so may be if the funeral is on Saturday, we'll still go hang out afterwards and go back home on Sunday as was the plan.
Oh well.

I won't talk about food. That's all.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I'm on it

Why is blogging hard?
Actually I don't think blogging is hard at all. I just overthink it. The question most probaly would be answered by the response to 'why do I blog?'
It's weird because I feel compelled to blog. I love it, yet I hate it. I want to do it often, but I can't for all sorts of reasons. Time and content being the 2 top reasons.

Anyway, I'm alive, I'm ok. More so than I've been in the recent past. Guess what? I finally have NORMAL BLOOD PRESSURE! I always had normal blood pressure, until I was pregnant and then it wouldn't go back down. But since I've been very consistent with workling out for the past 2 and half months I now have normal blood pressure again!!! And I plan to keep it that way.

I've lost only a little weight, very little, despite all the working out. Yep, that monster, food, is still playing a big role in that. I pray for the day I will be able to avoid temptations and eat clean for days and weeks in a row. It's not easy for me.

BUT, I see a huge difference in my body. It is happening. The weight is shifting and I'm sure I'm gaining some muscle too. This will only continue to get better and better.

I'm committing myself to try harder this month. I'm keeping up with the work outs with double work outs a few days a week even past the 4K on the 11th. I'm going to deal with the food issue the best I can considering the circumstances. But believe me when I say I will be better at the end of this month than I am today.

 I'm on it.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The physical part is in the bag

The plan is to move as much as possible and eat sensibly; apparently that is the best formula to a healthy weight. So, that's what I've been striving for.

So an update
About 2 months ago I joined Curves, and have been going very well, except when I absolutely couldn't. The week it was just me and my son at home I went drastic and went to Curves at lunch since I couldn't go in morning or after work. That's how committed I am. Yesterday was another of those days where it was just impossible to go and I was ready to move mountains so I could. Sadly I couldn't go, but I made sure I did some moves at home to at least do something, you know.

Since I registered for a fun walk during a marathon next month, I've decided to add in walk/jog/slog sessions to prepare for that. So lately I've been getting up early and walking rather than going to Curves first thing, then I would hit Curves after work. The plan is to have a minimum of 9 work outs a week, that is 6 Curves sessions and walking on 3 days, or if I miss Curves like I did yesterday, I make up for it with a walk.

So, who's to dispute that the physical part of the weight loss equation has been bagged in these parts??! Not me, coz I know I'm rocking it!

The food/eating side is a work in progress. One day I'll master it too, one day that I'm looking forward to.

Monday, May 16, 2011

State of My Nation

Yesterday I got up extra early to drive 3.5 hours, luckily my mom drove on the homebound trip. Then I went to bed late. And had to get up early again this morning. So, I'm knackered today. But I'm still going to gym after work. Which will be followed by gym tomorrow morning.

Registered for a 4K.
I discovered the world of 5Ks from the fitness blogging community, but for some reason have only been finding 4K fun runs around here (except one time only). So far I've only done 2. I was geared for one this month but it was postponed to next year! But the good news is that I've registered for one on 11th June and I'll be driving about 4 or so hours to get to it. I love adventure, so why not?! So this month I really need to get serious about getting some activity beyond my Curves work outs in preparation for the 4K. I obviously won't be running/jogging/slogging all of it, but I want to run as much as possible.

Last week I baked
2 pans of brownies. One I took to my mom's house, and the other was consumed in my house. Quite a bit by myself. Besides that and the potato wedges (from Nandos) binge on Wed/Thurs I've been eating good food. May be not the best portions, but it's something. At least I'm not gaining. But I'm not losing either, so I have to revisit the food plan and see how to make it more interesting so that I don't stray too much from it. It is the food that's my downfall, as has always been.

May be I need a challenge
I've been thinking about that. Last week I was looking at my picturess from when I did the Missouri Challenge that Tony hosted quite some time ago. It was (and still is) horrifying to see that I looked better in the before pictures than I do now... Somewhere between now and then I just lost track and mostly because I do not have goals and challenges or anything to work towards (except a loose 'I want to lose some weight') I haven't done much for myself. I weigh many many pounds more than when I started blog, even more than when I started this blog which if fairly new compared to my whole blogging history.

So, A challenge
I want to be proud of myself at the marathon next month (of course I'm only doing the 4K). So I want to give my all in preparation for it. So:
  • I'm working out at Curves 6 days each week (except when I'm out of town - like this coming weekend)
  • I'm doing 4K specific training 3 times eack week (walking/jogging/running/slogging/whatever)
  • I'm looking at food plan tonight and sticking to it till the marathon at least.
I'm really praying for strength to accomplish those 3 seemingly simple goals. I know I will be so much better for it. And I will be much happier with myself if I can only do that.

This is me. For me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I missed Mother's Day...

My indifference to blogging seems to be growing by the day. I even missed posting a Mother's day blog, which I know I would've loved to. Not only in honour of my mom, but also in honour of my grandmother, aunts, friends, and every mother out there. Mothers do the greatest job ever in this world and deserve all the appreciation that can be given. Our kids made us mothers, and for that we appreciate them, but I feel there should be more appreciation from them, for without mothers they have NOTHING. Don't get me wrong, fathers play a big role in raising children, but we all know mothers make the biggest impact ALWAYS.

My Mother's day this year went by quietly. Only phone calls and text messages to wish me a great day, but nothing in the way of a big treat like breakfast in bed or an outing. At least I did get a few hours to just veg out on the couch and watch tv without the boy haggling me for attention. Love him, but sometimes I need some alone time at home. That was that. And this week I'm really experiencing mothering at it's best. It's just me and my son at home! We've managed fairly well and I feel it's something we could get used to and perfect if we had to. For now, my sister comes back today and the load will lessen on me!

Sad. Yesterday, only a couple of days after wishing her mom a happy mother's day, my cousin passed away in a passion killing. Mother to 2 young daughters herself, she met her a untimely death just as she was completing her post-graduate degree and was about to start her grown-up life. I feel so sad especially for her kids and her mom who also lost her brother (my dad) earlier this year. God's plans sometimes are just so heart-breaking it's difficult to understand why... I pray for God to grant my Aunt the strength to get over this most difficult period well and the strength to raise her grandchildren and keep their mother's memory alive.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

What to blog about?

...that I'm doing well with gym and food (mostly) and have lost a couple of kilograms?

...that I've confirmed that white home-made (by me) bread is definitely a trigger food?

...that I love rocking the gym, but after being too lazy to get up early to go this morning I feel even lazier to go this afternoon? I'm determined to go though I reaally really don't feel up to it.

...that though I haven't followed my food plan to the tee I've been doing very well. Biggest problem is preparing meals ahead of time, and having to cook my own meals after work, especially on days where I end up going to gym after work.  Working on that.

...that working out is so much harder with Curves Smart than without, and I'm glad because I have motivation to work even harder. No more 'just turning up'. 

...that blogging is really no as exciting as reading other blogs (for me).

...that I will NOT be taking my weight loss journey over to Facebook. If I do it will be on a different account with a different name and my pictures will have to be head-less, at least until I gain the confidence necessary to expose myself to the whole world. Not that I have that many friends.

...that I'm back to being taxi-mom, driving my son back and forth to school everyday. Can't wait till he's old enough to ride in the school bus.

...that Big Brother Africa is here again and I'm loving it as usual??

...that it's hard. But I try. But I get discouraged when I think about how long I have been trying. Then I get encouraged when I think of the progress I could make if I didn't stray so much. But I know I will never quit trying.

Quite a mouthful, huh? Now imagine if I tried to write separate posts about all that. Is it even necessary?/

I do have a lot to talk about, but


Friday, April 29, 2011

Blogging, Being Well, and Winter

I think I like reading others blogs so much more than I like writing one.....? Yeah, that would explain my absence from blogging so much. I've contemplated shutting the blog down, but I can't bring myself to do it and I think if I do I will definitely then start missing blogging, unlike when I know I can blog whenever I want. So, I'll keep the blog and update as much as I feel like.

I've been well and good. Gym every morning, with a bit of extra exercise some days. Food has been good too. I finally have a plan to follow, and though I've had to deviate a couple of times, it's been for fairly valid reasons and no, I did not choose unhealthier food over what's on the plan, just something different and/or more convenient. Obviously it may take a couple of weeks to remove all the kinks and have a solid weekly plan that I intend to follow for at least a month, and if it works then stick with it for longer, otherwise re-do and review in another month.

So far so good, and I've even seen a loss on the scale already. Yes, I weigh myself every morning (and sometimes evenings too).

Winter is here (though practically it's still autumn)
And I still hate it. I have decided that this year I'll wear pants if I can find some that I like. Preferably linen jeans and that sort of thing. I also need a couple of hoodies for gym and a couple of long-sleeved Ts to wear underneath my sweaters. Other than that, we're done with winter-shopping already in my house! For someone who hates winter I embraced and am happy with the shopping this year. The boy had outgrown all his winter clothes from last year! I had to do it early before all the nice things were gone. Hopefully i won't be seeing any nicer things - better avoid the clothing stores!

Another long weekend! So happy. Have a good one!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Dare I go to Facebook???

I've been thinking of extending my weight loss efforts to Facebook. Hoping that involving more real life people in my journey may be more motivating for me. The more people that would know that I'm doing this, the more people I'm accountable to, and the more I'm likely to stick to it, right?

I don't know. The main reason I've kept my blog a secret from people in my real life is because I don't want people to know when I fail. But isn't that like believing I will fail even before I start? And so setting myself up for failure? Hmm. So, I'm thinking about it, seriously considering it. Would it hurt for me to admit openly that I DO want to lose weight? I'm sure they know I do, even as much as I like pretending like everything is peachy.

I know there are people who know about and read this blog secretly (colleagues who found out through their work - IT - and their friends perhaps). They haven't said anything to my face about not reaching my goals, well, not losing weight since I haven't stated any goals. So if this is an indication, my friends will only encourage me to do better and not comment on my lack of progress if that's the case, won't they? I'll just make a statement that I'm embarking on a weght-loss journey, welcome any encouragement, but no negative critisism, etc. Then update after work-outs and meals and when I slip up. That should help, I think. Yep, I think I'll go for it.

Buuut, I'll only say it's done when I've done it.

You know, year after year I've told myself diet and exercise in secret and people will only see me looking better and better, but it hasn't worked. May be it is time to involve 'people'. I should do this. I should.
What do you think?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I went

I did go to Curves yesterday. The work-out is only 30 minutes long, and you determine how hard you want to work. I worked hard during that 30 minutes, I sweated up a storm and left very glad I went.

Then... I went again this morning! And rocked it yet again. I love that it's a mere 30 minutes yet I feel like I have done a lot when I leave. I love that I get to work out my whole body by just going around the circuit and that I get my cardio and resistance training all in one session. I just hope as I get more and more used to it it won't lose its lustre.

I'm still struggling with the food issues. Yesterday was ok though I thought I might struggle more because of that little mishap. I dealt ok, but honestly, I 'm still not pleased and still feel really resentful. I'll get over it.

In the mean time, it's all about me for me!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Fueled by anger?

Ugh, I'm tired. Physically and mentally. May be I'm depressed??? I was just talking to my friend that I joined the gym with and were doing work outs together. She hasn't been to gym since the first week and has said she was busy with this or that all the time. Only today I find out she has gone the wire-tie route. I feel betrayed. Very seriously.
There I was discussing with her our course of action - we were going to do the gym and Weigh-less. Together, supporting each other. And she goes and takes the easiest way out without letting me know she's leaving me in the lurch. Yeah, friendship indeed. And guess what, if this has taught me anything it's that I am not going to eat my emotions. I've resolved to do this the right and healthy way, and I dare say it has fueled me to try and do better every day.

So, thanks friend, by bailing out on me you have given me the encouragement to really have my own back. To love me more, and do what is best for me always. I was thinking of skipping gym today coz I'm in a funk but no, I'm going and I'm going to rock it. And I'm going to join further than the 6 weeks we had signed up together.

I was actually working on a sustainable meal plan this morning, and have been thinking of how to coordinate my work out time with my other responsibilities. I want to add walking to the gym time. So, I'll try it out from tomorrow. Next week I'll be on the schedule full time, meals and work outs.

Here we go. I want long-lasting, no, permanent weight loss. I'm going after it.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The food issue

I get up by 5.30am most morning so I can make it to gym before work. I work out hard, I sweat a lot, probably more because of how out of shape I am than how hard I work out. But I still do a great job of it. I wish I had a heart rate monitor to tell me exactly how well I'm doing, or not. But still, I know it's enough to shave off enough calories for me to lose at least a tiny bit every week. Alas, there's no weight loss. But why, you ask? The answer: It's the food issue. My issues with food have to be resolved before I can get anywhere. I can work out until I pass out, but as long as I eat more than I need to, the weight won't come off, if anything more will pile on. While I go to gym everyday :(. Sad. Something has got to give. Seriously.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Acknowledge and move forward...

We're a quarter of the year into 2011. And only now things are starting to somewhat have a rountine. There's been too much happening, including too much travelling since the beginning of the year, but now thinsg are settling down and I should have more control over my life! Can someone say finally!!

So, yeah, this is the time to acknowledge that I haven't done well so far this year, and move on. Because, what will beating myself up, regrets, etc. give me? Nothing, or if anything it'll make me feel bad and do even worse.

I've had some positives though...I've done Curves religiously since March 11. I've gone every single day it's been open except 2 days I missed with a swollen ankle and last Thursday when  I was just so out of it I couldn't even make myself just go. What's more, most of the days I've gone early in the morning before work! Yay me!

However, today I'm going and I'm reviewing my previous eating plans to determine how I'm moving forward.

I'll be living my life from now on, this just taking whatever the day brings has come to an end. My new motto is 'Live Your Life!' I'm doing it. And guess what? Health and Fitness Will Follow!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

I'm ok

It was touch-and-go for a bit early this week. I found myself in the emergency room at 3am - I still have no idea what it was my body had reacted so violently to. I could have sworn I am not allergic to anything at all until Sunday night, but now I'm not so sure. Well, I'm fine now. So is my son who also went through a rough patch Tuesday and Wednesday. Glad that's resolved.

I have been missing out! And wow, finally something to get me to get up early in the morning every morning. Talk about commitment... I'm enjoying Curves way more than I thought I ever would, and though I wish I could go more than once a day if I wanted, I still get a good work out while I'm there and I sweat up a storm every time.  I like that you get to 'customize' the work out to your level, you work out as hard or as light as you want. But of course since I'm on a mission here, I'm trying to work as hard as I can and I sweat big time. The music helps since it's ever so upbeat. What else do I like, the constant attention. Knowing that there's someone watching your form adn advising you if you're not doing something right is a great comfort to me, because I know chances of injuries are quite low. At this rate, the feeling is that at the end of the six week I'll be signing up again.

Hard hard hard
...... This is hard. Food is my downfall in this weight loss journey. You know, if food did not form part of the weight loss equation, I would have reached my goal ages ago. I do well with exercise. I love to work out. Of course there are times that I'm just not as committed, but I feel I'm do ok on that front.
But fooooood. Eating. I eat for all sorts of reasons and I eat all sorts of food. I'm hungry, I eat - and that's ok, but only if I eat just enough to curb my hunger. I eat when I'm not hungry - why? Boredom, happiness, sadness, anxiety, nervousness. And how does food help? I have absolutely no idea. All I know if that chips, pizza, bread, cake, biscuits, meat, meat and meat, etc. will never solve any of my problems, or get me closer to any goal at all. So I'm fighting, I'm fighting with food. Food wins most of the time, but one of these days I will win. I just need a good plan. That's what I will do, find a plan that works and work it.

Because, really, how long has it been? I need to win this. I'm not giving up any time soon, or any time at all for that matter. The current plan is consistency, keep on keeping on, and eventually I know, it will work out. But I will still do more.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Finally Curved

I finally bent and joined Curves. I'm going for my first work-out this afternoon. My hope is that I get to love and enjoy Curves. I thought I would the first time I visited, but the assistant just ruined everything for me.
The assistant yesterday waas much nicer, and I suppose it helped that I went with a friend. So, for the next 6 weeks I'll be 'curving' and if I like it, then I'll be 'curving' longer. Let's do this!

Otherwise Lent is going great. And it's true.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

March 9th - April 23rd 2011

I'm not Catholic, and I can't even lie and say I know what it means to be Catholic. However, I went to Catholic church for over a year while I was overseas studying and it was the closest church to my house, and I just wanted a place to worship. That is when I learnt about Lent.

Lent represents the 40 days Jesus spent alone in worship in the wilderness before the beginning of his public ministry where he withstood temptations from Satan. Christians have adopted the 40 days before Easter as the Lenten period and typically prepare themselves by prayer and fasting or avoidance of certain food items. Many will not eat meat or levened bread during this period.

For me Lent represent a time of sacrifice and discipline. I make myself Lenten promises that I keep for the 6 weeks duration. As I'm on a weight-loss journey, my promises mostly revolve around it. I usually vow to give up all sorts of junk that does not help my mission. However, this year I have decided to do it differently.

I know I have not been updating my blog as regularly as I'd like, and it worries me quite a bit. SO, this year my # 1 Lenten promise is to stop worrying about the blog, to feel no pressure at all to blog. As it is, I may not even blog during the whole 6 weeks. I also want to devote the 6 weeks to myself, to be selfish for the next 6 six, to think about myself first, and make plans that revolve around what's best for me first.

That's all, very simple. Lent this year is for ME ME ME, and ME.  Everything else builds around that.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Back on the exercise bandwagon

Finally I'm catching up with everyone on a fitness journey. What do they say the recipe is to get healthy aka lose weight? Eat less and move more. And I'm sure eat less can sometimes be read as eat smart, yes, smart is the new less! lol

Anyway, as of Monday I'm back to moving moving moving. And very soon I'll be ready to conquer my fun walk at the marathon in April. I'm start out small and easy. Like on Monday, we walked leisurely for 30 minutes near a mall, and that was after hitting a couple of road blocks to what we really wanted. And, I'm sure we'd struck it lucky because the place we ended up at is such a better option in terms of fit - that is, what we're ready for right now, distance from our houses, safe parking, etc. Then on Tuesday I hit the treadmill first thing in the morning for 20 minutes. You say only?And I say yes, it's a start, I did not sleep in. Yesterday was supposed to be the 2nd date but unfortunately I was stuck across town and couldn't make it.

The plan with my friend is to walk together near the mall on Mondays and Wednesdays after work, then have a longer walk on Saturday mornings. We're still thinking about what to do on the other days, hiking may be? We'll see. In the meantime I'll be giving those other days to the treadmill. We're hoping to get more of our friends involved to make it more fun, but hey, we won't wait till they join us to get serious. Been there and look, we're still the same unfit us. I'd rather they find us going than we lounge around waiting for whenever they decide it's time.

So, the plan: do the evening dates, do treadmill while we decide what to the on the other days, and continue with the eat smart (or less) thing. We should see some progress, no?

Monday, February 28, 2011

Today's Horoscope

I don't know if I believe in horoscopes or not... I'm sort of on the fence. So I read them, yet don't necessarily always believe what I read, because, come on, how many November birthdays do I know, and how can those few words possibly be applicable to the whole lot of us?!

However, quite a few times I come across that just resonates soo very loudly with me, like today's:

Is there something you have been noticing about yourself that you want to improve? It is admirable to want to rid yourself of bad habits, and best of all -- it is always an attainable goal. The key is perseverance! Start turning over that new leaf today, but do not put too much pressure on yourself about overnight perfection. It is not that simple to change ... give yourself plenty of room to fall along the way. Pat yourself on the back as you take that step in a new direction!

Interesting enough? I AM DEFINITELY TAKING THAT ADVICE. Thanks Yahoo!

So, I'm back from my work trip. Ugh, trips and travelling I like, but there's always this 'out-of-routine' vibe that almost always throws me off and on my return I've gained quite a few pounds back, hate that. I weighed casually when I got back, but will not be weighing in officially this week. I'm devoting this week to getting back to where I was before I left, hopefully it'll be enough time. Fingers crossed.

And this evening after work is my first work-out date with my friend. Am I looking forward to it??? The doing-it-together part, hell yes, I need all the motivation I can get. But the activity on the other hand, I think we're biting too much too soon, but I'll go along just so I don't sound like nay-sayer. I know we'll reach a compromise by the end of the day.

Here's to a good week!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

This time...

This is a weight-loss blog, or rather, since there’s not much weight-loss going on, it may be more accurate to say this is supposed to be a weight-loss blog. The blog is titled ‘This Time – Health and Fitness will follow’. To an observant or analytical person, it is obvious that thought I want to lose weight more than anything, the primary focus of this blog is NOT weight-loss as in a reduction of the number on the scale.

What am I trying to say?
My intention through this blog, which is not to lose weight, is to engage in a lifestyle that will inherently foster habits that will lead to improved health and fitness, as would be evidenced by weight-loss. Making sense? Therefore, I didn’t (and still don’t) want to set weight-loss goals. I do not want to prescribe how much weight I plan to lose in a certain period of time. I’ve done it before, and failed miserably at it, hence to avoid the discouragement that obviously follows failure I will not state weight-loss goals on this blog. Weight-loss, when it happens will be recorded, and the pace of weight-loss will be the effective result of the changes I end up incorporating into my life.

So far, I have been on and off with the ‘healthier’ lifestyle. I try; sometimes more than others, but also, Life happens. More often than not, my health, or lack thereof, occupies my mind, each choice I make is considered after going through the options and deciding what is best at that time. And what is best may not actually be the best choice for the overall picture, just for that moment in time. So, everyday I make what may be seen as negative or positive choices. Unfortunately, the weight of the negatives choices has proven so far to exceed the weight of the positive choices (pun not intended).

Always planning…
So, what's next? Sure, I can not seem to keep to a plan, so I’m always coming up with another plan. My new plan this time is this – STAY THE COURSE. That is all, simple.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Life goes on

I'm back.

It was a hard week. Which was preceded by hard weeks still. My family has gone through so much in 2011 already.

And guess what, I plan to go through a whole lot more, just of the more positive variety. I plan on living more, and going after my goals and having more fun this year. We've been dealt terrible blows so early in the year, and there's nothing more than this to make me appreciate life more, appreciate my family more and appreciate all the resources I have to live a great life as long as I can possibly make it.

So, here's to me, living life. I start by taking care of myself. Right now.

Friday, February 11, 2011


If anyone came here through a link, I'm sure it's coz you thought this is an update about my progress in 2011, or that I'm stating my intentions, etc. I'm sorry to disappoint, both of those are not the bottomline or 'take home' message of this post. It's only February 11th, but I'm here to tell you that 2011 has so far been a painful year. I know I have it within me, and it's up to me to turn make it into a more glorious year. I pray that I do rise up to meet all challenges I face this year, in fact, I declare that I will tame this year and I will finish on top. So far, I've not had any control over my life. The 'events' in my life have left me merely struggling to survive. First my dad passed away on Jan 1st. Any African will tell you that your life is not your own between the death and the funeral. Then the day after the funeral my grand dad was admitted in hospital, and stayed there till he passed on on Feb 6th. I've never driven as much as I hv in the past month. I've never given up control of my life as I did in Jan/Feb 2011. 6 Feb 2011 is a day I've dreaded and prayed will never come till I had no words, but still it came. My FATHER is no more. I'm still not processing it right I'm sure, it's not sinking in well. Wht I know is that my life is not under my own control right now, I'm floating through the days. Merely surviving. I don't have the power to get back the way they used to be. All I can do is promise to take care of myself so that I can at least like to their ages. My dad was a young 55, my grand dad was a very young 80, considering both his parents lived well into their 90. Life's unfair. But I owe it to them to move on, carry forth their legacy, hence I need to take care of myself. So after the funeral it'll be time to take back the reins and start living my life, and striving for a long life. I'm going to face 2011 head on, and I'm making my fathers proud, I know both will be cheering me on.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Blog award!

Apparently Alexia over at Dimple Snatcher and other stories thinks I'm stylish blogger... or perhaps she wants to encourage me to be a stylish, because she awarded me the stylish blogger award. Though I doubt very much that I deserve it, I will accept, because anything else will be plain rude! Thanks Alexia!

The rules for the award are simple:
  • Post and link back to the person who awarded you this award - done 
  • Share 7 things about yourself - I'll get to it just now
  • Award 5 bloggers who have "stylish" blogs  - I'll try
So, here are seven 'things' about me, hopefully they're all new:
  1. I've been blogging since 2008! (even I can't quite believe it, but of course I've changed blogs and took a hiatus or 2 somewhere along the line).
  2. I love working out - it's true!
  3. I love to eat all sorts of food. Our traditional food, western, chinese, indian, mexican, italian, you name it, I'm all over it.
  4. I love reading other people's blogs, but I find blogging to be quite a chore myself. So most of the time I just throw my thoughts out there just as jumbled up as they are, hence the randomness. Wish I could give more time and thought but....whatever.
  5. I love to read, watch movies
  6. If I could afford it I would spend my life travelling.
  7. I love my home, I love my city and I love my country, but I wish I lived elsewhere where life is more convenient. I need more choices!
Finally to award:
 Now, I'm off to notify these ladies of the award and post the button on my blog.

Thanks again Alexia! And here's to a great weekend.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Quick Update

Weigh in
Our Tuesday weigh in did not materialize this week due to clashes in our schedules. We use one of my friends' scale as the 'official' scale, which gives me a different reading from my own, so though my scale gave me a weight which is less than last week's I will not record it officially. I'm crossing my fingers that we're able to meet next week.

It's February 3rd, and I have not had one formal work out in 2011! It's been a difficult year so far, and I have not had the time nor energy to exercise, as much as I'd like to. First, my dad passed away on the 1st of January, and I just couldn't summon the will to work out around that time. The funeral was on the 8th. My granddad (maternal) has been unwell for a bit now, and on the 9th of January he was admitted in hospital (mind you, that's the day after the funeral). He's still in hospital now, about 30 - 45 minutes away. So every evening after work I pick up my son from school, drop him off at home and off I go to the hospital. I don't get home till after 9, and often get to bed after 11pm...Maybe I can still exercise if I put my mind to it, but right now I just can't. Please keep my granddad in your prayers.

Other than that I have a lot I want to talk about but can't right now because the evening routine starts now with me leaving work to get the boy home and then it's off to Ramotswa.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Queen of the week

Despite my fears that I'll be losing yet another P25 this week, I didn't!! I actually ended up arriving later than usual and one of the girls had already left, and since I had told them I might have gained she had already claimed the other girl's P25 and I was to hand mine over. But alas, with my 1.8kg (3.9lbs) loss this week, she now owes me P50! I'm the week's biggest loser! Hurray!!!

Anyways, it wasn't and it's not smooth sailing. Why, oh why, is is so easy to change my mind and eat something that's not on the day's plan? Why is it so easy to eat more than enough? Why is it so much easier to sleep in that to force myself to get up and get some activity in in the morning? Why, why, why?

I start everyday with good intentions, but not much later I find myself drifting from the plan. And guess what? It's easier to keep drifting off than to rein myself in and do the right thing immediately. Case in point, I found myself mindlessly eating banana chips after lunch, but instead of stopping right then I told myself I'll do better the rest of the day as I finished them off! I know what I want, I know what I should do to get what I want, but Dear Lord, is it ever hard to stay the course?

Choice after choice is what matters, and as long as I make more of the right choices than wrong ones I know I'll make progress, no matter how slow. Just keep making choice after choice count, one bad choice should be followed by several good ones, no 2 bad choices in a row. Does this make any sense? It does to me, and that's what I'm aiming for.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I'm not looking forward today's weigh in. I didn't do horribly this week. Not at all. I'm sure I haven't gained, but I just know that I haven't lost enough to the this week's biggest loser. Now that'll be P50 in total, and that's in 2 weeks...

What's to come? I better jump on the exercise bandwagon now that I don't have to do the daily hospital runs to check on my grandfather. Thank God he's well enough to be at home!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Food diary and structured eating - weight loss tools

Tracking food
Around the weight loss/health and fitness blog arena, many people blog their food daily, others keep food diaries elsewhere, while others actually have blogs where they not only blog what they ate, but also post pictures of everything they ate and even give out recipes to their favourites! Which by the way I think rocks and have always wished I could emulate.

Been there, but can't stay long
For a little bit last year I was on sparkpeople and it felt great to be able to visualize in numbers exactly what I was eating. I could tell roughly the amount of calories I was taking in and see the breakdown according to nutrients, etc. I've also kept a 'hard copy' food diary from time to time. But, all in all, I never last too long on it, or if I last a couple of weeks I have some meals, some whole days here and there skipped.
Going back and thinking about it, it is because I do not have a structured way of eating, if I may call it that. There are times when I cook ahead for the whole week, and that makes it easy to have some order or control over what I'm eating. The rest of the time I'm picking at different things and just making a whole mess such that at the end of the day it's difficult to even start writing down what I've eaten. Writing things down before eating them would be awfully hard, but possibly it may be a tool to make me think more about what I'm eating before I eat. Except I probably wouldn't even remember to do it all the time! So, fo rme food diarizing in any way is close to impossible long term.

So, how to I introduce more structure into my eating?
I really want less picking at any and every thing and changing my mind about what to eat at the last minute, which means I end up eating something I 'shouldn't' eat. I'm very experimental - I mean I like to experiment. I like to try new recipes and new foods all the time, which makes it hard to keep eating the same things all the time. But I've been trying to lose weight for a long time. I think it's about time I made some serious change and introduce some serious structure in the way I eat to see any progress.Here's what I'm thinking:
  • I'm going to work out what I want to eat that I feel I can't absolutely go without for long
  • Then I'm going to assess how I can make myself a weekly menu out of those items, taking into account their nutritional content
  • Then I'm going to follow that menu week after week
  • Review and change if necessary, but change only if necessary
This means I'm going to have to put aside my experimental ways for a bit; stop trying new things and only go with what works. I know many people have lost weight thay way, and really it doesn't take rock science to tell that consistency works a charm when it comes to weight loss.

So, my immediate future is going to include a lot of fresh juice, until I feel it's time to evaluate and make changes. I will be eating real food too!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The tale of the first P25

Week 1 weigh in was yesterday. I'll confess that I didn't really do much to earn a significant loss last week, and so all I was hoping for was anything but a gain. I would have been simply happy to have maintained my 116.4kg (according to my friend's scale that we're using for the weigh ins) - my scale gives lower reading by a whole 1.4kg.
Anyway, 3 out of 4 of us showed up for the weigh, one phoned in a gain, and the last person may not be participating. So I was very scared that I'd register a gain so I let the two girls go first and they had both lost! Then it was my turn.....(drum roll)..... a loss! Albeit a mere 0.6 kg, but hey, that's a pound and a third! So, though I had to turn in my P25, rather than receive two, I was chuffed that I didn't have to pay P50.

So, yeah, that's how the P25 went. I then went home and made myself some chicken and vegetable cobbler, love. The plan is to indulge myself on Tuesdays after the weigh in, but then get serious from Weds till the next weigh.

I want next week's P75!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Productive day

I've always wished I could take my 'weekends' off during the work week. It is annoying that you have to take annual leave hours to do anything of a personal nature during the week, considering that we have so few of them and that that's the only time you can access most services. That is why I'm so thankful that I get to benefit from American holidays; I get to run all those errands that I can't do on normal days without cost.

1st Holiday of the year
Yesterday was terrrific, I was the most productive on a holiday I have been in a while.
Usually on holidays I take the chance to sleep in, on a week day! But yesterday I got bright and early and took off with a long list of errands for the day. And as luck would have it, most took way less time than I expected, and I suppose I have to thank the fact that it's mid-January for that. I got my car registration done, did my banking, dealt with the guys doing customs clearance for me for a purchase I made in South Africa, made an insurance claim for my cracked windscreen, visitd my son's new school and paid the school fees, etc.

Yet I have so much more to do. Can't wait for the next holiday, plus do I love that we get half-day Fridays?!

Weigh in today
Today we have our first week's weigh in. We did the initial weigh ins last Tuesday, and I weighed more than I wanted to - if you know what I mean. However, I did not make a solid plan for the week, I just had a rough idea of how I was going to handle things, that is, food. But obviously that meant I was susceptible to picking the wrong things, the wrong amounts, at the wrong time. Yep. So, I'm not at all sure if this week I'll register a loss, but I hope to have lost at least a fraction of a kilogram, because otherwise it's double penalty for a gain! I have a plan though, which though I still have to polish up I did half the time last week but not at all during the weekend. Must work on it.

So, here's to a decent weigh in - meaning a non-gain weigh in...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

New Year, New Ways

No new year's resolutions
I know we're almost 2 weeks into 2011, but the year is still new, right? I did not make any new year's resolutions, but that does not mean I do not have any aspirations. Quite the opposite actually. There's so much I'd like to accomplish this year. In terms of health and fitness, finances, work, etc. But I didn't want to embark on any projects as new year's resolutions, because from experience, as soon as the year loses it's sparkle, so will my commitment to the projects.

What are we to do then?
I already have plans for some of my projects, others I'm still working on or yet to sort out the details of. Due to the uncertainty on the job front, some I can not project to far into the future, but wherever possible, the plans are for the year.

Wait, I lied...
I did have one resolution - To start going to church regularly, and I made it the first Sunday. Last Sunday I couldn't since I was out of town. But this is one I know I can't tire of as I tire of counting the days into the new year.

What's new?
On the health and fitness front, my friends and I have FINALLY started working as a group to motivate each other to lose weight. There are currently 5 of us, weight ranging from 65 to 115kg, quite a difference, hey? But the bottomline is that we all want to drop some serious poundage and we need each other to cheer us along and drag us on days when we don't feel like putting the effort it takes. It's even on a friendly competition level with weekly prizes for the biggest loser, making it even more fun.
The best thing about it is that I know for the next 6 months, at least, I'll get to see my friends very regularly, which is something we have always failed at.

So, here's to a resolutionless but prosperous 2011!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy 2011!

I thank the Lord for blessing me so richly in 2010 and look forward to all the blessings 2011 will bring forth. My health and fitness may not have improved as much as I'd hoped in the past year, but I've learned so much that I'm still thankful for all the attempts I've made. For 2011 I'm going to focus on being the best I can be at all that I do. That's the gift I'm giving myself. Resolutions never seem to work for me, so I'm not making any. Happy New Year to all!