OMG, nothing fits!!

Ok, maybe not nothing, but it's definitely notable. This morning was a total disaster! You know how when seasons change you start having trouble with what to wear and may even have to go shopping for a new wardrobe? That's usually just because you haven't been wearing the clothes for the different weather and now it's like relearning your clothes and having to create new outfits out of your wardrobe all over again.

But no, not for me. For work it's really easy, I have a few skirts that I rotate with several tops, so it's not that difficult identifying outfit for warmer weather now that it's warming up. So I was all excited this morning to dive in a pick that top with that skirt. Only to find......nope, it doesn't look nearly as ok as it used to! Oh no. So I tried on another combination - same story. And another, and another!

My winter clothes have been hiding stuff that has nowhere to hide now that it's warm! But I refuse to go shopping becuase I do not have the budget for all the clothes I would need to buy. I'll have to do something to ensure that I have stuff to wear this spring/summer. So, It's on. Seriously, it is; I know I've said that a lot in the past and having nothing to show...but I really am going to make sure that I can comfortably put on my clothes and walk out of the house.

Self discipline

"Do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you like it or not" - Thomas Huxley.

I see that as the perfect definition of self discipline. What it communicates to me is that life should have no excuses. Just do what should be done at the the time it should be done, period. If only it was that easy. I truly believe all my life's problems, or at least the root of most of my life's problems stems from my low level of self discipline. I can't eat only as much as I need to sustain good health, I can't work out as often or as much as I need to to attain a desirable state of health - if I'm going to focus on the topics for this blog only, otherwise I could go on and on, for example, I don't stay out of the store when I don't have a spending budget, so I spend money I should be saving...

Anyway, going back to the quote, I was on a liquid diet the last time I posted. I had intended to stay on it until today, I think that made 4 eeks, and I should be seeing a huge difference by now. But me being me, no self discipline at all, I parted with it 2 weeks ago, only 2 weeks in, so though I was fortunate to have attained a small loss that I have sustained up to now, I could have done much better.

But knowing all this, especially admitting to myself that 'most of my life's problems - big and small alike - stem from a lack of discipline,' why can't I make myself 'just do it', whatever it is at the time? I suppose the answer becomes the same, self discipline. I don't know if it's something I can overcome on my own, looking at how long I have been 'playing this game'. I've tried diet after diet, and tried gym after gym, different work outs, at home, and the only reason I haven't seen success or even any amount of progress is that I severely lack self-discipline. I can not commit to anything for any length of time for the same reason.

I think it's time I sought help in that regard. I am going to commit to this one. For once I'll be disciplined enough to seek help when I need it.

Liquid is hard

I'm not in a blogging frame of mind, but I want to blog...is that contradictory? Anyways, I've been on the liquid diet for just over a week now. Wow, it is hard. Hard. And it has made me realized that my relationship with food is way beyond hunger issues. I can drink, and drink and have a full stomach, yet I would crave food, any food. I would want to bite on something and chew it. So, this is going to be a real challenge, but one that I'm ready to face head on.
I'm hoping for weight loss, which I've seen a little of so far. But I may not get the results I hope for, but still I'm hopeful. It's difficult to stick to just fluids, so I've snuck in some soft solids. I'm trying to work on that as much as possible. But mostly, it's the calories I'm worried about. It would be very disappointing to not get results after going through this, because really, why not just eat anything if I'm going to stay the same. I wish that question would pop up each time I'm tempted to go over the limit for anything.
Well, that was really condensed, but that's how I'm feeling. And it's just me anyways.

I miss you

All thsi time that I've been away, not only have I not been posting on my blog, but I haven't been reading other blogs either. I miss it, I miss you my blog friends. I miss knowing what's going on in your worlds. Even those that are not even aware that I read your blogs, I miss you.

Hopefully one day I'll get internet at home, then I may be abel to read on a regular interval again. And get motivated again.

About me - I did the deed. I've started a liquid diet, and right now it's on a trial basis - like I'm not sure how long I plan to stay on it, and I'm still trying out different things to see what I like to drink that is also healthy.

Oh, by the way, I haven't been going to gym, been too busy on the business front, but things have slowed down and I should be able to go back now. However, I still want to get used to the liquid diet before I add gym back. I may possibly start my morning walks in the next week before I take the exercise to the gym. I realise that I need lots fo resistance training though if I'm going to lose weight on the liquid diet, because I need to firm up as I lose weight. I wouldn't want the effects of a liquid diet without exercise.better start as soon as tomorrow morning then.

That's that for now.

She lives...

Indeed I'm alive. I know I said I can't keep up with a regular updating schedule, but I didn't mean I'll be posting just once a month. I need to keep this blog alive and post on a semi-regular frequency so that I can be able to look back one day and put the pieces together and be able to get an idea of what was going on in my life, especially with regards to the weight business.

On that note, since I have been away from the blog I haven't been good to myself, at all. Shocker, right? Even to me. I saw this quote somewhere- The state of your life is a reflection of the state of your mind. It really resonated with me, I look at myself and I think I am this way because I am not able to control my mind. My emotions drive me, and that is reflected all around me. I've been trying get myself and things in order, and I'm succeeding in some ways but not others.

By the way, I've officially launched my cake business. Finally. I love baking and decorating cakes. Unfortunately I also like eating cake. So, while I need the extra income, I do not need the effects this business may have on my health if I am not careful. So I haev decided to go drastic at least for this month. I'm going to stop eating cake, or anything for that matter - if I don't chicken out anyway. If all goes according to plan, tomorrow (or sometime this week) I'm starting a liquid diet. I HAVE TO. Hopefully when I've reached a weight I feel comfortable at, not that I'm not saying when I have lost .... pounds or kgs, or even when I'm thin, when I've reached a comfortable weight, I hope I may care enough to not indulge myself willy-nilly. As it is, at this appears the mindset is something along the lives of 'what's an extra kg, it won't show'...and that has got to stop. That's the motivation for going liquid-diet drastic.

In a nut-shell, that's enough to tell the state of affairs at this point...