Almost 2015

There are exactly 11 days between today and Jan 1st, 2015. Not that I'm waiting for Jan 1st. Just saying ;)

Always on my mind

I'm convinced that no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I'm always thinking about my size for one reason or other. Most of the I like to think to think that I am comfortable with my size, as in I accept it for what it is, though I do want to get smaller. However, time and time again I find myself worrying about what people think when we pass each other, or when they walk behind me, especially when they walk behind me.

I try to dress in ways that I know are okay for my body, and I like to feel good in my clothes. But sometimes  I fail, and it is on those days that I am most conscious of the fact that I am not 'normal' and that people have a reason to think of me in ways other than normal. And on those days I find my spirit being low, I find myself feeling a bit sad and melancholy...:(

However, I always think of the fact that in my opinion, I have a great body. It may be huge, but I actually have a nice shape. It's not what it used to, some places (e.g. my tummy) don't look as great as pre-baby, but I know I still have a nice shape. Add the fact that I know that if I lost weight I would have a smoking body, and I'm back on top! So yeah, my own bit of therapy, positive thoughts!

What do you do to turn things around when you're not feelings so good due to your weights issues?

She's just not that into it...

Blogging. It seems I'm just not that into it anymore. I used to be excited to share what was going on with my life and could post a new blog a few times a week. Well, not anymore, it appears. I do think about blogging often, but the feeling is never enough to make me drop what I'm doing and do it right then. And then the next time I remember to I'm engaged in something else I can't stop doing immediately...

So, having admitted to that, my blog posts will be sporadic; I will blog when I can or when I feel like it. I can't promise any more than that.

However, that does not mean the purpose of the blog has been abandoned. I am continuing to make the best choices everday and trying to be intentional about every choice I make. I know I don't always win the little battles, but I have found a bit more focus than I have in quite a while. So perhaps soon I will find enough motivation to make enough of a difference to make me want to blog more.

Till then, I will be reading other blogs and hoping to grab myself a bit of motivation from there.

I try...sometimes I fall

I can safely say my cold/cough has finally cleared out and I'm ready to start 'treadmilling' again. I haven't been doing anything for exercise for about 3 weeks now :(

Foodwise, I've been trying. Like literally trying, because I do not have a set plan, just an idea of what I want to achieve which I loosely stick to and am easily diverted from due to lack of a more strict plan. Which is why I sometimes fail. I have found myself in teh middle of a meal that should have been a no no, either because of content or amount. Totally wrong food or a second serving.

So, I need to sit with myself and decide exactly how I will eat, what, when and how much. This has been the biggest problem for me my whole life. I just have never been able to stick to a plan. The longest ever was 2 weeks, and during that 2 weeks I saw changes that could have multiplied and brought a real change had I followed through for longer, but alas...

So, yeah, no reason not to workout anymore, and to make and stick to that plan...

Looking forward to July

We're so quickly coming to the end of June, meaning we're almost half-way through 2014! I can't wrap my head around time seems to be flying so speedily now, is it because I'm getting old and literally running out of time? And to think I am right around the half-way point of my life...I pray that I get to live longer than twice my age.

Anyway, I still have a cough lingering from a terrible cold that had me bed-ridden for 3 days last week. So, I haven't set foot on the treadmill or done any other kind of exercise for over a week now. The eating hasn't been much better either. I had gne back to eating anything handy without making much effort to be selective, but I intend to get back on track this week. exercise will start when chest has cleared some more though, because I have some shortness of breath that I suppose is attributable to the cold/cough thing.

I hope having had that cold I'm home-free for the rest of this winter. I would like to be able to make and stick to plans next month, so I'm looking forward to a healthy July. However, I'm not waiting till then to make better choices, that will happen everyday, God willing.

Unbelievable but...

Early this week I saw a number on the scale that I had never ever in my craziest most exaggerated dreams thought I would ever see. It scared me, and finally, after 'planning to' for ages, I have taken action. I have started walking on my treadmill and watching my food intake, now I just have to keep going.

 

It's actually really sad how I have watched myself gain pound after pound while telling myself that I will start working out and eating properly 'on Monday' or on 'the 1st'. Food is my worst enemy, but over the past years, even if I couldn't control my food intake, I would work out, so even if I didn't lose much or at all, at least I stayed the same or gained very little.

 

However, over the past year plus, I stopped exercising altogether, and ate everything in whatever amount I felt like. Shockingly, in all this time, I weighed myself every single day and recorded the weight, so I was aware of the damage. I couldn't even deny what I was seeing on the mirror, both dressed and undressed.

 

So, finally I have decided that it is time to stop killing myself. Open back the blog and start saying something. Perhaps this one tool can contribute to help me stay consistent...fingers crossed. 

A - Z of ME....

Re-introduction...

A. Age - 36 (37 in Nov) --- Can't believe how close to 40 I am, so surreal...
B. Bed size - Queen

C. Chore you dislike - Laundry, by hand and making buttercream icing

D. Dogs - none. Used to have a dog when I was little.

E. Essential start to your day - Made up bed and hugs and kisses from my son

F. Favorite color - White and black together

G. Gold or silver - Silver
H. Height - 5'4"
I. Instruments you play(ed) - drum

J. Job title - Cake artist (part-time), mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, girlfriend.

K. Kids - 1 boy

L. Live - Gaborone, Botswana

M. Mom's name - Nyalie

N. Nicknames - Oh and Earls

O. Overnight hospital stays - only 2 - when I was in a car accident (2005) and when I had my son (2008).

P. Pet peeves - Obvious lies, being patronized
Q.Quote from a movie - I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a guy....etc. - Julia Roberts to Hugh Grant in Nottinghill.

R. Righty or Lefty - Righty
S. Siblings - 3 - 2 younger brothers and 1 younger sister
T. Time you wake up - these days around 6.30, but that has to change
U. Underwear - all the time, different types

V. Vegetables you don't like - brussel sprouts and asparagus

W. What makes you run late - I'm naturally slow?

X. X-rays you've had - I remember chest, foot, and back after car accident

Y. Yummy food you make - cakes and other baked stuff, made creamed spinach for the first time the other day and loved it

Z. Zoo animal favorites - don't know, zebra maybe?

Time...

A year and a half since I posted on this blog...

Quite a while since I last exercised...

About a year since I was in a gym...

Close to 6 yeats since I discovered weight blogs and started blogging myself...

Time to do something...