Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Just being

Honestly I'm tired. Physically right now, but what I'm talking about is that I am just tired of tring and trying to lose weight. Day in and day out worrying about what, when and how to eat, what, if any exercise to do, etc. I'm just sick of it all. I'm sick of worrying about binges and high calories and wanting but failing to stick with a diet long enough to see a change. It's got to stop.

So. I throw in the towel. I'm going to stop fighting with myself everyday. I just need to sort myself out and figure out how to take care of myself without fighting with my natural desires or tendencies. I just want to make peace with myself and my body. I want to bring a kinship between my body and my mind. Perhaps then I can address the weight issues in a healthier non-obsessive manner.

Do you know anyone who weighs themself everyday, every single morning? Hoping to see a loss even though they know they ate crappily the day before, or even the whole week before? I'm sure in a psychologist's book that carries some I want to explore that. I think I mentioned before that I want to seek help; I intend to, I just haven't made the first step because I've been so busy lately. But I've taken the first step - I've admitted that I have a problem well beyond my capabilities to solve.  Now I just need to make a call and make an appointment.

But besides the weight issues, it's been busy. Sometimes fun, other times not. The most fun I've had lately was attending the wedding expo in Jo'burg, South Africa, this past weekend! It made me wish I was planning my wedding - the beauty of all on display...I could just swoon over it. Good times.


  1. once you start mentally trying to lose weight, if you don't actually do it, it reeks some mental warfare type junk on you. because you are paying attention and not just idly going through your day. then when you don't have success it's that much worse.
    talking to someone about the underlying issues is an awesome idea. remember it's never too soon to start this, so don't wait too long to seek help.

  2. We all have ebbs and flows to our lives. Winter to Spring, sleep to wake, etc. Don't be too hard on yourself- you're committed to your journey, but we all need a break from our paths sometimes!