Thursday, September 2, 2010

Someone said...

'Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard.' I rest my case.

The questions are, how to stay the course, how not to get discouraged, how not to seem to obsess, how to stay in the right state of mind without feeling like going crazy at times?!
I'm telling you, everyday of my life, for the longest time, I think about my weight issues, it almost feels like an obsession. Will it ever end? The worst thing is that when I look at the mirror, and that is very often as I'm not the kind to shy away from seeing all the grossness, I focus on what I think is my most troublesome spots, the parts that I wish would change before everything else. How do I stop being drawn to the worst bits and start focusing on what I love?

I've walked, I've run, I've kicked and boxed, tae-boed, and done various other routines I've picked up along the way. I've dieted, low fat, low carb, liquids, cabbage soup, fruits and veges, even if I only lasted less than half a day on some. Yet, here I am, stilll way far from what should be my goal weight. I've lost soooo much weight over the years - I'm sure if I had the figures and calculated all that I lost, I'd find I lost all of me plus more. But I've kept gaining back, gaining more that I initially lost.

I was a skinny child, started gaining as a teen and kept gaining. I've always been fit, as fat as I've been. But not anymore. When I was pregnant with my son I gained an obscene amount of weight, which I vowed to lose before he turned 1. He's now going on  30 months old, that's 18 months past my goal time.

I want to blame my now sedentary lifestyle, most due to my job. I want to blame the pregnancy --- it did bring the cravings though. And I want to blame my life situation - living far from work, traffic, gym time vs, quality time with my son. But I know that I can make it work if I tried hard enough.

What do I want? Do I want to stay this way? There's a lot that I'm holding off till I've lost the weight; but I'm not making much progress so am I never going to do or try those things ever?

Life is hard. It's hard. My 33rd birthday is in a few weeks (November). I have everything I NEED. I have a lot going for me. There's much more that I WANT, which I know I'll eventually get. But because of my weight issues I feel stuck.

STUCK. Like I'm not going anywhere. Everything is at a stand-still until that's done, but it's not getting done well enough. What do I do about that?

I try. What more should I do to stay the course? To stay motivated?


  1. I am newly following! To stay motivated think about the healthier mom you will be for your son. Being able to run and play with him without feeling tired! You can do it! We all have days that make us question this journey.

    I nominated you for a blog award! Stop by my blog to pick it up!

  2. As long as you keep trying, you aren't a failure. I think it's great that you keep getting up. truly an inspiration. I've been hiding from my blog, time to stop that.

  3. Thanks Brigitte! I am currently very motivatd and I just wish I could bottle it for future use! I'll stop by for the award.

    Thanks Lauren! I run out of time. I really wish I had more time to blog and read other blogs, but I try. You know what, YOU are truly an inspiration. Just love your honesty and that you keep coming back no matter what!

  4. Hi! I'm a new follower! I can so relate to this! Staying motivated is so hard. I, too, gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy and I'm still struggling to get the weight off. The journey is so tough!! Hang in there. Looking forward to reading more of your journey!!