I'm on it

Why is blogging hard?
Actually I don't think blogging is hard at all. I just overthink it. The question most probaly would be answered by the response to 'why do I blog?'
It's weird because I feel compelled to blog. I love it, yet I hate it. I want to do it often, but I can't for all sorts of reasons. Time and content being the 2 top reasons.

Anyway, I'm alive, I'm ok. More so than I've been in the recent past. Guess what? I finally have NORMAL BLOOD PRESSURE! I always had normal blood pressure, until I was pregnant and then it wouldn't go back down. But since I've been very consistent with workling out for the past 2 and half months I now have normal blood pressure again!!! And I plan to keep it that way.

I've lost only a little weight, very little, despite all the working out. Yep, that monster, food, is still playing a big role in that. I pray for the day I will be able to avoid temptations and eat clean for days and weeks in a row. It's not easy for me.

BUT, I see a huge difference in my body. It is happening. The weight is shifting and I'm sure I'm gaining some muscle too. This will only continue to get better and better.

I'm committing myself to try harder this month. I'm keeping up with the work outs with double work outs a few days a week even past the 4K on the 11th. I'm going to deal with the food issue the best I can considering the circumstances. But believe me when I say I will be better at the end of this month than I am today.

 I'm on it.

The physical part is in the bag

The plan is to move as much as possible and eat sensibly; apparently that is the best formula to a healthy weight. So, that's what I've been striving for.

So an update
About 2 months ago I joined Curves, and have been going very well, except when I absolutely couldn't. The week it was just me and my son at home I went drastic and went to Curves at lunch since I couldn't go in morning or after work. That's how committed I am. Yesterday was another of those days where it was just impossible to go and I was ready to move mountains so I could. Sadly I couldn't go, but I made sure I did some moves at home to at least do something, you know.

Since I registered for a fun walk during a marathon next month, I've decided to add in walk/jog/slog sessions to prepare for that. So lately I've been getting up early and walking rather than going to Curves first thing, then I would hit Curves after work. The plan is to have a minimum of 9 work outs a week, that is 6 Curves sessions and walking on 3 days, or if I miss Curves like I did yesterday, I make up for it with a walk.

So, who's to dispute that the physical part of the weight loss equation has been bagged in these parts??! Not me, coz I know I'm rocking it!

The food/eating side is a work in progress. One day I'll master it too, one day that I'm looking forward to.

State of My Nation

Yesterday I got up extra early to drive 3.5 hours, luckily my mom drove on the homebound trip. Then I went to bed late. And had to get up early again this morning. So, I'm knackered today. But I'm still going to gym after work. Which will be followed by gym tomorrow morning.

Registered for a 4K.
I discovered the world of 5Ks from the fitness blogging community, but for some reason have only been finding 4K fun runs around here (except one time only). So far I've only done 2. I was geared for one this month but it was postponed to next year! But the good news is that I've registered for one on 11th June and I'll be driving about 4 or so hours to get to it. I love adventure, so why not?! So this month I really need to get serious about getting some activity beyond my Curves work outs in preparation for the 4K. I obviously won't be running/jogging/slogging all of it, but I want to run as much as possible.

Last week I baked
2 pans of brownies. One I took to my mom's house, and the other was consumed in my house. Quite a bit by myself. Besides that and the potato wedges (from Nandos) binge on Wed/Thurs I've been eating good food. May be not the best portions, but it's something. At least I'm not gaining. But I'm not losing either, so I have to revisit the food plan and see how to make it more interesting so that I don't stray too much from it. It is the food that's my downfall, as has always been.

May be I need a challenge
I've been thinking about that. Last week I was looking at my picturess from when I did the Missouri Challenge that Tony hosted quite some time ago. It was (and still is) horrifying to see that I looked better in the before pictures than I do now... Somewhere between now and then I just lost track and mostly because I do not have goals and challenges or anything to work towards (except a loose 'I want to lose some weight') I haven't done much for myself. I weigh many many pounds more than when I started blog, even more than when I started this blog which if fairly new compared to my whole blogging history.

So, A challenge
I want to be proud of myself at the marathon next month (of course I'm only doing the 4K). So I want to give my all in preparation for it. So:

• I'm working out at Curves 6 days each week (except when I'm out of town - like this coming weekend)
• I'm doing 4K specific training 3 times eack week (walking/jogging/running/slogging/whatever)
• I'm looking at food plan tonight and sticking to it till the marathon at least.

I'm really praying for strength to accomplish those 3 seemingly simple goals. I know I will be so much better for it. And I will be much happier with myself if I can only do that.

This is me. For me.

I missed Mother's Day...

My indifference to blogging seems to be growing by the day. I even missed posting a Mother's day blog, which I know I would've loved to. Not only in honour of my mom, but also in honour of my grandmother, aunts, friends, and every mother out there. Mothers do the greatest job ever in this world and deserve all the appreciation that can be given. Our kids made us mothers, and for that we appreciate them, but I feel there should be more appreciation from them, for without mothers they have NOTHING. Don't get me wrong, fathers play a big role in raising children, but we all know mothers make the biggest impact ALWAYS.

My Mother's day this year went by quietly. Only phone calls and text messages to wish me a great day, but nothing in the way of a big treat like breakfast in bed or an outing. At least I did get a few hours to just veg out on the couch and watch tv without the boy haggling me for attention. Love him, but sometimes I need some alone time at home. That was that. And this week I'm really experiencing mothering at it's best. It's just me and my son at home! We've managed fairly well and I feel it's something we could get used to and perfect if we had to. For now, my sister comes back today and the load will lessen on me!

Sad. Yesterday, only a couple of days after wishing her mom a happy mother's day, my cousin passed away in a passion killing. Mother to 2 young daughters herself, she met her a untimely death just as she was completing her post-graduate degree and was about to start her grown-up life. I feel so sad especially for her kids and her mom who also lost her brother (my dad) earlier this year. God's plans sometimes are just so heart-breaking it's difficult to understand why... I pray for God to grant my Aunt the strength to get over this most difficult period well and the strength to raise her grandchildren and keep their mother's memory alive.

What to blog about?

...that I'm doing well with gym and food (mostly) and have lost a couple of kilograms?

...that I've confirmed that white home-made (by me) bread is definitely a trigger food?

...that I love rocking the gym, but after being too lazy to get up early to go this morning I feel even lazier to go this afternoon? I'm determined to go though I reaally really don't feel up to it.

...that though I haven't followed my food plan to the tee I've been doing very well. Biggest problem is preparing meals ahead of time, and having to cook my own meals after work, especially on days where I end up going to gym after work.  Working on that.

...that working out is so much harder with Curves Smart than without, and I'm glad because I have motivation to work even harder. No more 'just turning up'. 

...that blogging is really no as exciting as reading other blogs (for me).

...that I will NOT be taking my weight loss journey over to Facebook. If I do it will be on a different account with a different name and my pictures will have to be head-less, at least until I gain the confidence necessary to expose myself to the whole world. Not that I have that many friends.

...that I'm back to being taxi-mom, driving my son back and forth to school everyday. Can't wait till he's old enough to ride in the school bus.

...that Big Brother Africa is here again and I'm loving it as usual??

...that it's hard. But I try. But I get discouraged when I think about how long I have been trying. Then I get encouraged when I think of the progress I could make if I didn't stray so much. But I know I will never quit trying.

Quite a mouthful, huh? Now imagine if I tried to write separate posts about all that. Is it even necessary?/

I do have a lot to talk about, but

T

Blogging, Being Well, and Winter

Blogging
I think I like reading others blogs so much more than I like writing one.....? Yeah, that would explain my absence from blogging so much. I've contemplated shutting the blog down, but I can't bring myself to do it and I think if I do I will definitely then start missing blogging, unlike when I know I can blog whenever I want. So, I'll keep the blog and update as much as I feel like.

I've been well and good. Gym every morning, with a bit of extra exercise some days. Food has been good too. I finally have a plan to follow, and though I've had to deviate a couple of times, it's been for fairly valid reasons and no, I did not choose unhealthier food over what's on the plan, just something different and/or more convenient. Obviously it may take a couple of weeks to remove all the kinks and have a solid weekly plan that I intend to follow for at least a month, and if it works then stick with it for longer, otherwise re-do and review in another month.

So far so good, and I've even seen a loss on the scale already. Yes, I weigh myself every morning (and sometimes evenings too).

Winter is here (though practically it's still autumn)
And I still hate it. I have decided that this year I'll wear pants if I can find some that I like. Preferably linen jeans and that sort of thing. I also need a couple of hoodies for gym and a couple of long-sleeved Ts to wear underneath my sweaters. Other than that, we're done with winter-shopping already in my house! For someone who hates winter I embraced and am happy with the shopping this year. The boy had outgrown all his winter clothes from last year! I had to do it early before all the nice things were gone. Hopefully i won't be seeing any nicer things - better avoid the clothing stores!

Another long weekend! So happy. Have a good one!

Dare I go to Facebook???

I've been thinking of extending my weight loss efforts to Facebook. Hoping that involving more real life people in my journey may be more motivating for me. The more people that would know that I'm doing this, the more people I'm accountable to, and the more I'm likely to stick to it, right?

I don't know. The main reason I've kept my blog a secret from people in my real life is because I don't want people to know when I fail. But isn't that like believing I will fail even before I start? And so setting myself up for failure? Hmm. So, I'm thinking about it, seriously considering it. Would it hurt for me to admit openly that I DO want to lose weight? I'm sure they know I do, even as much as I like pretending like everything is peachy.

I know there are people who know about and read this blog secretly (colleagues who found out through their work - IT - and their friends perhaps). They haven't said anything to my face about not reaching my goals, well, not losing weight since I haven't stated any goals. So if this is an indication, my friends will only encourage me to do better and not comment on my lack of progress if that's the case, won't they? I'll just make a statement that I'm embarking on a weght-loss journey, welcome any encouragement, but no negative critisism, etc. Then update after work-outs and meals and when I slip up. That should help, I think. Yep, I think I'll go for it.

Buuut, I'll only say it's done when I've done it.

You know, year after year I've told myself diet and exercise in secret and people will only see me looking better and better, but it hasn't worked. May be it is time to involve 'people'. I should do this. I should.
What do you think?

I went

I did go to Curves yesterday. The work-out is only 30 minutes long, and you determine how hard you want to work. I worked hard during that 30 minutes, I sweated up a storm and left very glad I went.

Then... I went again this morning! And rocked it yet again. I love that it's a mere 30 minutes yet I feel like I have done a lot when I leave. I love that I get to work out my whole body by just going around the circuit and that I get my cardio and resistance training all in one session. I just hope as I get more and more used to it it won't lose its lustre.

I'm still struggling with the food issues. Yesterday was ok though I thought I might struggle more because of that little mishap. I dealt ok, but honestly, I 'm still not pleased and still feel really resentful. I'll get over it.

In the mean time, it's all about me for me!

Fueled by anger?

Ugh, I'm tired. Physically and mentally. May be I'm depressed??? I was just talking to my friend that I joined the gym with and were doing work outs together. She hasn't been to gym since the first week and has said she was busy with this or that all the time. Only today I find out she has gone the wire-tie route. I feel betrayed. Very seriously.
There I was discussing with her our course of action - we were going to do the gym and Weigh-less. Together, supporting each other. And she goes and takes the easiest way out without letting me know she's leaving me in the lurch. Yeah, friendship indeed. And guess what, if this has taught me anything it's that I am not going to eat my emotions. I've resolved to do this the right and healthy way, and I dare say it has fueled me to try and do better every day.

So, thanks friend, by bailing out on me you have given me the encouragement to really have my own back. To love me more, and do what is best for me always. I was thinking of skipping gym today coz I'm in a funk but no, I'm going and I'm going to rock it. And I'm going to join further than the 6 weeks we had signed up together.

I was actually working on a sustainable meal plan this morning, and have been thinking of how to coordinate my work out time with my other responsibilities. I want to add walking to the gym time. So, I'll try it out from tomorrow. Next week I'll be on the schedule full time, meals and work outs.

Here we go. I want long-lasting, no, permanent weight loss. I'm going after it.

The food issue

I get up by 5.30am most morning so I can make it to gym before work. I work out hard, I sweat a lot, probably more because of how out of shape I am than how hard I work out. But I still do a great job of it. I wish I had a heart rate monitor to tell me exactly how well I'm doing, or not. But still, I know it's enough to shave off enough calories for me to lose at least a tiny bit every week. Alas, there's no weight loss. But why, you ask? The answer: It's the food issue. My issues with food have to be resolved before I can get anywhere. I can work out until I pass out, but as long as I eat more than I need to, the weight won't come off, if anything more will pile on. While I go to gym everyday :(. Sad. Something has got to give. Seriously.

Acknowledge and move forward...

We're a quarter of the year into 2011. And only now things are starting to somewhat have a rountine. There's been too much happening, including too much travelling since the beginning of the year, but now thinsg are settling down and I should have more control over my life! Can someone say finally!!

So, yeah, this is the time to acknowledge that I haven't done well so far this year, and move on. Because, what will beating myself up, regrets, etc. give me? Nothing, or if anything it'll make me feel bad and do even worse.

I've had some positives though...I've done Curves religiously since March 11. I've gone every single day it's been open except 2 days I missed with a swollen ankle and last Thursday when  I was just so out of it I couldn't even make myself just go. What's more, most of the days I've gone early in the morning before work! Yay me!

However, today I'm going and I'm reviewing my previous eating plans to determine how I'm moving forward.

I'll be living my life from now on, this just taking whatever the day brings has come to an end. My new motto is 'Live Your Life!' I'm doing it. And guess what? Health and Fitness Will Follow!

I'm ok

It was touch-and-go for a bit early this week. I found myself in the emergency room at 3am - I still have no idea what it was my body had reacted so violently to. I could have sworn I am not allergic to anything at all until Sunday night, but now I'm not so sure. Well, I'm fine now. So is my son who also went through a rough patch Tuesday and Wednesday. Glad that's resolved.

Curves
I have been missing out! And wow, finally something to get me to get up early in the morning every morning. Talk about commitment... I'm enjoying Curves way more than I thought I ever would, and though I wish I could go more than once a day if I wanted, I still get a good work out while I'm there and I sweat up a storm every time.  I like that you get to 'customize' the work out to your level, you work out as hard or as light as you want. But of course since I'm on a mission here, I'm trying to work as hard as I can and I sweat big time. The music helps since it's ever so upbeat. What else do I like, the constant attention. Knowing that there's someone watching your form adn advising you if you're not doing something right is a great comfort to me, because I know chances of injuries are quite low. At this rate, the feeling is that at the end of the six week I'll be signing up again.

Hard hard hard
...... This is hard. Food is my downfall in this weight loss journey. You know, if food did not form part of the weight loss equation, I would have reached my goal ages ago. I do well with exercise. I love to work out. Of course there are times that I'm just not as committed, but I feel I'm do ok on that front.
But fooooood. Eating. I eat for all sorts of reasons and I eat all sorts of food. I'm hungry, I eat - and that's ok, but only if I eat just enough to curb my hunger. I eat when I'm not hungry - why? Boredom, happiness, sadness, anxiety, nervousness. And how does food help? I have absolutely no idea. All I know if that chips, pizza, bread, cake, biscuits, meat, meat and meat, etc. will never solve any of my problems, or get me closer to any goal at all. So I'm fighting, I'm fighting with food. Food wins most of the time, but one of these days I will win. I just need a good plan. That's what I will do, find a plan that works and work it.

Because, really, how long has it been? I need to win this. I'm not giving up any time soon, or any time at all for that matter. The current plan is consistency, keep on keeping on, and eventually I know, it will work out. But I will still do more.

Finally Curved

I finally bent and joined Curves. I'm going for my first work-out this afternoon. My hope is that I get to love and enjoy Curves. I thought I would the first time I visited, but the assistant just ruined everything for me.
The assistant yesterday waas much nicer, and I suppose it helped that I went with a friend. So, for the next 6 weeks I'll be 'curving' and if I like it, then I'll be 'curving' longer. Let's do this!

Otherwise Lent is going great. And it's true.

March 9th - April 23rd 2011

I'm not Catholic, and I can't even lie and say I know what it means to be Catholic. However, I went to Catholic church for over a year while I was overseas studying and it was the closest church to my house, and I just wanted a place to worship. That is when I learnt about Lent.

Lent represents the 40 days Jesus spent alone in worship in the wilderness before the beginning of his public ministry where he withstood temptations from Satan. Christians have adopted the 40 days before Easter as the Lenten period and typically prepare themselves by prayer and fasting or avoidance of certain food items. Many will not eat meat or levened bread during this period.

For me Lent represent a time of sacrifice and discipline. I make myself Lenten promises that I keep for the 6 weeks duration. As I'm on a weight-loss journey, my promises mostly revolve around it. I usually vow to give up all sorts of junk that does not help my mission. However, this year I have decided to do it differently.

I know I have not been updating my blog as regularly as I'd like, and it worries me quite a bit. SO, this year my # 1 Lenten promise is to stop worrying about the blog, to feel no pressure at all to blog. As it is, I may not even blog during the whole 6 weeks. I also want to devote the 6 weeks to myself, to be selfish for the next 6 six, to think about myself first, and make plans that revolve around what's best for me first.

That's all, very simple. Lent this year is for ME ME ME, and ME.  Everything else builds around that.

Back on the exercise bandwagon

Finally I'm catching up with everyone on a fitness journey. What do they say the recipe is to get healthy aka lose weight? Eat less and move more. And I'm sure eat less can sometimes be read as eat smart, yes, smart is the new less! lol

Anyway, as of Monday I'm back to moving moving moving. And very soon I'll be ready to conquer my fun walk at the marathon in April. I'm start out small and easy. Like on Monday, we walked leisurely for 30 minutes near a mall, and that was after hitting a couple of road blocks to what we really wanted. And, I'm sure we'd struck it lucky because the place we ended up at is such a better option in terms of fit - that is, what we're ready for right now, distance from our houses, safe parking, etc. Then on Tuesday I hit the treadmill first thing in the morning for 20 minutes. You say only?And I say yes, it's a start, I did not sleep in. Yesterday was supposed to be the 2nd date but unfortunately I was stuck across town and couldn't make it.

The plan with my friend is to walk together near the mall on Mondays and Wednesdays after work, then have a longer walk on Saturday mornings. We're still thinking about what to do on the other days, hiking may be? We'll see. In the meantime I'll be giving those other days to the treadmill. We're hoping to get more of our friends involved to make it more fun, but hey, we won't wait till they join us to get serious. Been there and look, we're still the same unfit us. I'd rather they find us going than we lounge around waiting for whenever they decide it's time.

So, the plan: do the evening dates, do treadmill while we decide what to the on the other days, and continue with the eat smart (or less) thing. We should see some progress, no?